Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
The Bunny Perspective!
Hosted by: Phil Buni
Media reviews and analysis by a pot smoking, puppet bunny. Do you like weird-but-great underground films? Hate Glee, Gigli, and other Hollywood garbage? The Bunny Perspective offers a blend of humorously angry negative reviews, and honest praise of underground movies and TV. We talk about films, TV, anime, and animation. We are the Cult of the Bunny, and you too can be a Cultist. #CultoftheBunny
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Cheap-Arse Film Review
Hosted by: Liam Barrett
It's the Cheap-Arse Film Review, where a young(ish) man finds out if it's possible to live the life of a cinephile super-nerd on the strictest budget possible. Inspired by growing up in the wilds of Essex, England (that's only partially a joke, by the way) and the current harsh economic times, Liam only reviews DVD that can be purchased for £1.00p or less!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The DVD Shelf
Hosted by: David Rose
Life is short, so skip the bad movies and let your host David Rose reveal, review, and recommend the ones you should have on your own DVD shelf. The DVD Shelf is a film-lover's safe haven to bask in the warm glow of cult favorites, over-looked cinematic gems, rediscovered classics, and downright fun flicks on both DVD and Blu-ray.
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Solkir
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
Joshua the Anarchist
Hosted by: Joshua Bell
Charged with the crime of liking Batman & Robin, Joshua the Anarchist has been declared insane and committed to Arkham Asylum. Locked away in a padded cell, he'll endure movie after movie as doctors attempt to "treat" him. He may not have gone in a madman, but he soon will be.
Minority Report Reviews
Hosted by: Tom Marriott
Minority Report Reviews is where often slated or just plain forgotten films and TV shows come for an ego boost. Focusing primarily on unloved sequels, your host Tom Marriott takes questions from the general public to showcase the positives in these films. Love it or hate it, this is the show where you can have your say and see a guilty pleasure defended by the host with the most... strange tastes.
Movie Dorkness
Hosted by: Sofie Liv
It's the show formerly known as Red Suitcase Adventues! Join Sofie Liv, a nice Dane (who may not be as negative as everyone else!) as she dissects pop culture phenomena to explore both the good and bad in popular films.
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Mystery Madness
Hosted by: Full of Questions
Mysteries are awesome! And who's better suited to examine the wonderful, the terrible, and the adequate of the movie mystery genre than a teenager with nerdy glasses and substandard editing software? ...Many people, probably, but enjoy the show anyway!
PGSM Summaries
Hosted by: Nycea
Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (PGSM for short) is a hilarious live-action retelling of the Sailor Moon story. On this show, your host Nycea summarizes and riffs on this gloriously bad series—one episode at a time.
The Porn Critic
Hosted by: Porn Critic
Comedy reviews of the worst and most bizarre adult films available, by a character called the Porn Critic, who tends to focus on the acting bits rather than the actual sex! Who knew continuity errors and bad dialogue could lead to chronic flaccidity?
Reel vs. Reel
Hosted by: Animated Heroine
Animation isn't just for kids; it's also for adults who never learned how to grow up. In Reel vs. Reel, the Animated Heroine looks at two similar animated films to see which one comes out on top and why. Her love for good animated films is only matched by her cynicism towards the bad ones.
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
the agony booth
Zardoz (1974) Movie Recap Page 2 of 15
Posted by Dr. Winston O'Boogie Posted on: January 26, 2004
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

To supposedly "angelic" singing that makes the Exorcist II soundtrack sound inspired, we see the Giant Stone Head slowly floating along through the clouds, and the credits continue. The head turns and floats towards us. We close in on the huge, gaping mouth, and then there's a cut and we're inside the head looking out.

The camera slowly pans over to a pile of wheat, and suddenly the barrel of a gun comes poking out. It turns out to be the same revolver Sean Connery was holding earlier, and it looks like Sean Connery is still holding it. He climbs completely out of the big pile of wheat, scanning around the rocky interior of the head. Eventually, he spots some naked people, and they're all catatonic and encased in big plastic bags [!].


Oh my God! He's found Clonus!

 

Connery aims his gun around, but none of the nude figures move. He then journeys further into the cave-like head, seeing what looks like big piles of coconuts. He then wanders up some stairs to gawk at all the naked people in Ziploc bags. Wide-eyed, he waves his gun in their faces, but they don't stir.

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He then walks towards the front of the head and peers through the crystalline eyes. We get a POV shot and see a fisheye view of clouds and hills from high above. This spooks Connery, because he's not used to air travel and he doesn't know where to stow his carry-on luggage or put his tray during landing.


"Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain speaking, conditions on the ground are partly cloudy, about 65 degrees, and the penis is evil."

 

Soon, we see Arthur Frayn, the Chef Hat from the intro, wandering around the head and walking over to the gaping mouth. He decides to peer out of the mouth while Sean Connery sneaks around and comes up behind him.

Connery leaps down into the pile of grain and fires once at Frayn, striking him in the shoulder. Frayn weakly hangs onto the big stone teeth and examines his wound. "You... are foolish!" Dude, with that stupid drawn-on goatee, I wouldn't talk. "I could've shown you!" he says. "Without me, you are nothing!"

Frayn, apparently watching this movie, yells out, "A bore!" He then repeats, "How pointless!" a couple of times as he falls out of the mouth to his death. So, I guess he knows how the movie will end.

Sean Connery goes to the mouth and looks out, and he just sees... more rolling hilltops, and no sign of Arthur Frayn and his chef-hat self. Does this mean something? Who knows.

Then, it's back to an exterior shot of the Big Stone Head cruising along. It passes over a lake, while Connery cowers behind a couple of naked chicks in Ziploc bags. The Head eventually lands near a village, and Sean Connery climbs down out of the head's mouth and looks around. He finds some very quaint chateaus surrounding him, and behind one building is a plastic terrarium that looks remarkably like a giant plastic ass.

Diaper-clad Connery goes forward with gun in hand and enters the building, finding it to be a mill where flour is being deposited out of canvas chutes. He sniffs the pouring stream of flour, then walks over to a table and finds a stiff, green loaf of bread that he whacks against the table.

Sean Connery hears a noise and whirls around with his gun, but sees nothing. He runs out of the mill and goes over to the big plastic terrarium ass and touches one of the "cheeks". Hilariously, it gives off a sound like a rubber duckie being squeezed [!].


Wow, look at all that coke! So this is how the script was written!

 


Yep, looks pretty much like the bread back in the dorm cafeteria.

 

He walks inside a nearby building, finding several plants inside big puffy Ziploc bags. He then jabs one like it's a punching bag, and it makes a noise like sleigh bells [?], and then we hear it say, "Ah!" [!!] He continues to examine the puffy baggies, growing alarmed when one turns out to have an opening that he can stick his arm straight through. Meanwhile, there's lots and lots of echoing "drip drip" noises the whole time.

Connery then continues forward through a doorway. Several plastic tubes are routed through the doorway, and each one is carrying a thick primary-colored fluid. So, is this a finger paint factory? Finally, Connery is confronted with a door, and not quite knowing what to do, he aims his gun at it for a little while. Finally, he figures out that it swings open. You know, I often do the same thing myself when confronted with those automatic doors at supermarkets.


Sean... likes... big... butts and he cannot lie!

 


Pot farms—of the future!

 

Anyway, he finds a staircase and heads up, instantly mastering "steps". He comes to a cramped room filled with lots of knick-knacks, which looks like somebody fixed up the attic to put their college-age son in. Drawn on the wall is a chart of the evolution of man, with life size sketches of all our ancestors, all the way up to Australopithecus, Neanderthal, and Homo Sapiens. Guess which one best describes the filmmakers.

After Homo Sapiens is a fey looking guy in a floppy chef hat bearing the caption "Eternal". So, I guess this is Arthur Frayn's species, and wearing that stupid hat is really an evolutionary trait.

After the Eternal, there's a big huge question mark on the wall. Heavy, heavy. Is this where we all evolve into Mysterians?


All of a sudden, I'm a staunch supporter of Creationism.

 

Sean Connery continues to walk around, getting slightly spooked by a skeleton. He then pulls back what looks like a shower curtain, and behind this is another curtain made out of silver tinsel [!!]. He pushes past that into what, by all rights, looks like a headshop. I half-expect a guy in a tie-dye shirt to offer to sell Connery a bong or some magic mushrooms.

Connery looks around the headshop, then pulls back a purple curtain with a glittery Z on it. Behind this is a painting of Zardoz the Giant Stone Head. Connery actually jumps back in fright, even though he seemed to have no qualms about actually being inside of the real thing a few minutes ago.

Then he locates a Jack in the Box [!] and instantly figures how to crank it. It plays "Pop Goes the Weasel" and Connery gets a little smile on his face. Then the clown pops out and Connery flips out. He points his gun at it for a while [!], but forgets all about it when he hears a chime and a calm voice pronounce, "Attention. Harvest produce report," over and over.


"You can't fool me. I saw Killer Klowns from Outer Space!"

 

Connery scans around the room searching for the source of the voice. When he finds it, it turns out to be a big cubic zirconium mood ring. Connery puts it to his ear to listen to the voice, when suddenly the ring starts projecting a beam of light. In some way, the ring actually projects words onto thin air. (Well, the way is that the words are actually being projected on a pane of glass, if you want to know the truth. Sorry to ruin the illusion.)

The calm ring voice says that "Vortex 4 needs soap, apples, salt, leather." And these words are projected as sort of a shopping list in thin air. The projected words, however, are spelled "needz", "applz", "solt" and "lethur". Wow, Zardoz is a l33t hax0r!


It is teh suxx0r!

 

The ring continues to go through a list of various numbered "Vortex" places, listing what they each "needz" or, instead, if they have a surplus of something. For those keeping track, Vortex 9 needs "karratz", which is the title of a rap song in the making if I ever heard one.

Sean Connery puts his hand in front of the ring and sees the shopping list projected on his hands. Then he looks into the ring, and the list is then projected on his head. The projection doesn't really line up with the angle of the ring, but no matter. It's still "cool" and "arty", right? Finally, the ring chimes and turns off.

Connery, a man of a single purpose, tells the ring, "Food." The ring projects an image of a loaf of bread in thin air. Then he says, "Meat!" and the image turns into a raw rack of lamb. Wow, what else can this thing show us? Um... boobies! Salma Hayek naked!

Connery tries to grab at the meat, but his hand passes right through it. Connery then wonders aloud who lives here, and the ring responds by projecting Arthur Frayn in front of him. Connery totally freaks out, probably thinking that he's going to be forced to watch this movie starting from the intro.

The projection says, "I am Arthur Frayn. Vortex Four." The projection then shifts to a close up of Frayn's eyes [?] and then a close up of just one of his eyes [??]. Connery freaks and puts a hand over the ring to shut it up. We then see the purpose of the "eye" close-up when he pulls his hand off, and an eye is projected on his palm. Ooh, this means something, right?


Sean Connery stars in a remake of The Manster!

 

The voice repeats, "Arthur Frayn. Vortex Four." Connery then sweeps the ring around for no apparent reason, projecting the eye all around on the ceiling. He puts a hand on the ring again, and when he takes it off, the eye is now projected on his forehead [?]. Uh, yeah. I mean, I know it's all arty 'n' stuff, but what the hell is the point?


Hey, at least we didn't have to see his third leg.

 

Connery finally grunts and stuffs the ring under an armchair cushion. He hears a woman's voice outside yelling, "Three from Vortex Eight! Four from Vortex Five!"

He looks out a window and sees hippie types busily walking around, and one of them says there was an accident and that there are "fourteen bodies for repair!" Connery peers out another window and sees... uh, nothing but trees, really. Regardless, he decides to head down.

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