In the airport, the lumpy-faced henchman walks through a metal detector. A small bundle of cash drops out of his pants leg. A guard picks it up and tries to get his attention, and like all henchmen involved in critical positions of implementing and protecting a scheme at all costs, he panics and runs. An outside shot of the airport gives Air France another good plug. Inside is a chase I'm supposed to believe is exciting, but you can't prove it by me. And apparently De Gaulle has only one security guard, making his capture that much more difficult.

He makes it outside and onto the runway [!] directly in front of the Concorde as it takes off. "Imbecile!" mutters Paul. They wonder if they hit him, and Warner says he was probably knocked out by the plane's wake. Guards and an ambulance approach the guy lying prone on the ground. Then the wind picks up the money lying around him and carries it away in a large cloud. I find it hilarious and a little frightening that Die Hard 2 may have lifted scenes from this movie. One of the attendants recognizes Lumpy Face as one of the workers on the Concorde.

Joe is lost in thought. Paul asks if anything is troubling him, and he replies he's thinking about his wife. Listen, you can't instantly switch from horndog to maudlin grieving loved one and expect us to buy it. Paul says he knows a great woman that works at the French embassy in Moscow, and the prospect of another booty call instantly snaps Joe out of his funk. "I'll just bet you do," he chuckles.

In the cabin, J.J. tells Gretchen, "I have some flying of my own to do," and heads for the bathroom. A stewardess pours champagne for the guests. She asks Martha Raye if she's alright, and Martha says she's over her flying jitters. The stewardess makes to leave, but Martha pulls her back to have her pour a little more in her glass. And I should make a joke here, but the movie is winning. This is the most difficult review I've ever had to write. It's just competent enough to sit on my head like a jumbo jet. It's dull, prefect early 80s soft beige and maroon dull. But you don't want to hear about that, so hah! Alcoholism, it's funny! Oh, I'm so sorry... [breaks down sobbing]

[A nice nap and a Mojito later] Robert "I've Run This Joke into the Ground" Palmer is sitting next to Maggie. Mr. Tactful gawks at how tired she looks and asks if she'd like to stretch out. Lest it seems he actually does anything generous, this is so he could take a different seat where he's across from Alicia.

Ominous Music plays as we see a close up of the Crapcorde's cargo door. Comrade Hasn't Been Seen for Thirty Minutes brings his daughter to the cockpit for a visit. I know the movie would never hurt the deaf kid, but it's damn tasteless to use her as bait to keep us interested. There's a loud pop as the cargo door suddenly opens. The pilots check their instruments but see nothing wrong.

J.J. stumbles out of the bathroom, and in the small hallway two girls are getting their groove on to some phat elevator Muzak. Also, one of them is dressed in the latest from the Giligan's Island Mary Ann Collection. J.J. plays his saxophone and the girls dance while, completely unnoticed by anyone, the carpet splits from its seams.

Eddie Albert's child bride screams as the overhead compartment pops open. He tells her it's nothing to worry about, and struggles to close the door. While again, amazingly unnoticed, his seat begins to pull up from the floor.

In the cockpit, the pilots notice their steering wheels have begun to shake. They run a complete check and see the cargo door light isn't working. Paul goes back to check, and apparently being a main character means he's the only one who notices the large patch of buckled floor snaking through the cabin. He tells a stewardess to have everyone put on his or her seat belts.

Isabelle takes her seat and he tells her to prepare for decompression. The cockpit door blows off and the passengers struggle into their oxygen masks.

The plane goes into a tailspin and the aisle explodes. Eddie Albert falls into a hole in the aisle, with his seat plugging it temporarily.

Joe runs back to help him out, and Eddie jokes that he has "the best seat in the house!" Joe tells the passengers that they're going to be landing in Munich and to stay calm. Inside the cockpit, Paul warns they don't have enough fuel to make it to Munich. They approach the Alps.

The movie is nearing its end, so it's time to wrap a few pointless plot threads up. In the cabin, Alicia confesses she wishes to marry Robert Palmer more than anything. Robert says why not now, and they almost manage to top an in-the-buff George Kennedy for disgust value with a shameless rip-off of West Side Story. They link hands and say their vows. Robert pronounces them married. And Mercedes burst into tears and says, "Bless you both!"

The floor blows out in front of Maggie's seat. When told of a mountain they'll be passing over, Paul remembers that he used to ski there. Joe asks if there's a snowfield there, and Paul says there should be. They radio their plan.

Now blink and you'll miss our latest Repeat Offender, our own Ed Begley Jr. standing on a ski slope. Begley tells the Concorde they're clearing a runway for them on the snowfield. You lucked out, Ed. I haven't suffered through Santa with Muscles so I can only remember your funny cameos in all those Christopher Guest films. He has barely a minute of screen time, and he's only punished by being outfitted in a thoroughly goofy puffy vest, ski goggles, and rainbow striped pom-pom hat. At least we know he's safe as he delivers his lines from an Andy Williams Christmas Special set.

Inside his private jet, Harrison intently watches the news report of the unfolding crisis. Soon, the Crapcorde lands on the makeshift runway and Joe yells to the passengers to "Brace!" The plane whizzes by like the coolest sled ever. Snow bursts through the cockpit windows, sending glass flying everywhere. But as reality is still on strike, the flight crew aren't cut to ribbons.

The plane slides to a stop, with its cardboard fin wobbling gently. Joe smells fuel and says the plane is about to explode. Passengers start to panic, so Joe yells at them to stay calm and that everybody will get out in time.

Rescuers break open a hatch and thrown down a ladder. Passengers scramble out. Meanwhile, Harrison is glued to the news. By this time, they're reporting that their star reporter is on the plane and it looks like the first of the passengers is coming out. Back at the plane, Maggie is last to leave. "The documents!" she cries, and runs back to grab the messenger bag before exiting the plane. The Concorde explodes, sending instant mashed potato flakes flying.

Harrison hears her voice speak over her picture. She's been able to link up through a satellite and she breathlessly reports on the passengers and that a certain Mr. So and So has been naughty. He picks up a gun, holds it at an awkward angle (figures, the clown wouldn't even know how to shoot himself properly) and the camera focuses on her picture as a gunshot is heard.

The passengers huddle in relief on the snowfield. Then, in keeping with this month's proud tradition of "ran out of film" endings, we fade to black. Triumphant music picks up as we watch stock footage of the Concorde flying over a sunset. Aaaaaand... credits.

Well, congratulations, movie. You got in the last bitch slap. That's a first, and by all that is kind and good, may it be the last. And as for you, we hope you've enjoyed your stay in the Agony Booth's Disaster Month. And if we ever do this again, the screaming you hear won't be from the terrified passengers.