The bird tells Pauli Girl to hop on his back, and since this effect was way outside the budget, we immediately cut to Butterface looking smiley and happy. The Drive Thru Speaker version of Mrs. Mole returns to say that she and ODB were "disappointed to have her leave so suddenly! But after talking it over, we realized just how much we had been asking of the little girl!" And then they realized everything was completely their fault, and Pauli Girl, being the implied hero of this movie, could not be blamed for anything.

Then we cut to Mr. Bird flying with Pauli Girl on his back. This scene takes on distinct Ed Wood-like quality when we realize that the "flying" effect is actually just them in front of a plain white background with a fan blowing on them. The Ed Wood tribute continues when the Drive Thru Speaker, Pauli Girl, and Mr. Bird all start talking at the same time.

The Drive Thru Speaker says Pauli needed to be with her own kind, Pauli Girl comments on how beautiful the world is, and the Bird says, "I know a field not far from here! It's the Kingdom of the Flower Children! Perhaps you'll like—" and the rest of his line is abruptly cut off. That figures.

"Are they young?" Pauli Girl asks. "Do they look like me?" Are they cute? Are they rich? Mr. Bird says, "We will see!"

Then, suddenly, there's a flashback to Aging Bostonian Spinster sitting in Janine Turner Witch's cave. We hear Pauli Girl's voice now coming through the Drive Thru Speaker, and telling us about how her spinster mom never knew what she was getting into when she went to see the witch. Wait, is Pauli Girl now flashing back to stuff that happened before she was even born? How is that possible?

Then, we flash back to Pauli Girl lying in her walnut shell, and her VO tells us how happy she was to be there. And one has to wonder, is Butterface now hearing her own voice coming out of that Drive Thru Speaker? I'm starting to get a strong hunch that maybe "Fairy Land" only exists in Butterface's elevated mind.

Then we flash back to Pauli Girl dancing around her coffee cup. Her VO again mentions how "those nasty frogs took me away!" Then she says that after she got away from them, she was happy being alone in the woods, with the exception of the Insect Things that wanted "to pinch me and squeeze me!" And she flashes back to that.

This is unbelievable. We're getting a highlight reel. A highlight reel of stuff we just saw ten minutes ago, no less. It's a highlight reel, within a fantasy, within a fantasy.

Then Pauli Girl flashes back to winter, and how "I nearly froze!" She once again lets us know that "it was all that bad frog's fault! She should have left me with my mother!" So, when in doubt, kids, always blame somebody else!

Then she flashes back to her time living with Mrs. Mole, saying how glad she was to be there. "The only trouble was she hoped I'd get married!" Then we see ODB, now a poor, broken, shell of a mole. "Poor ODB," Pauli Girl lies. "I was so pleased to meet him!" Is that so? Well, I guess he can die a happy man now.

Pauli Girl says, "Mrs. Mole wanted me to get married! She was worried about having another mouth to feed!" Uh, yeah, so it's Mrs. Mole's fault! No, wait, it's the frog's fault! No, wait, it's the witch's fault! No, that damn mushroom is the reason my life sucks! That's right, kids, when you're in trouble, it's everybody else's fault but yours!

We flash back to Pauli Girl in ODB's place pretending not to vomit at the sight of him. "ODB was very persistent," Pauli Girl says, "And his arguments made good sense!" Only, "sense" is not something that sways me!

Then we flash back to Mrs. Mole flapping her meddling mouth. Pauli's VO reminds us again that ODB was "too old, and the thought of living underground... Oh! I'm glad I didn't go through with it!" I think that's exactly the same excuse Julia gave after dumping Kiefer.

Pauli's VO says, "I hope ODB won't be disappointed!" Then we get a close-up of his disappointed face. Well, okay, I'm just guessing that he's disappointed. The mole puppet head really only has two facial expressions, "mouth open" and "mouth closed".

"After all," Pauli Girl rationalizes, "I'm sure he can find another wife someplace!" Uh, yeah. Someplace. There are so many places for an old perverted mole to meet chicks, you wouldn't believe! So don't worry your empty little head about it, Pauli Girl!

Pauli adds, "And I guess Mrs. Mole will really be better off without me!" Finally, we agree on something. But then she reminds us again how she pulled her weight by doing housework, and was "able to talk with" Mrs. Mole in the evenings, like this was doing her some kind of big favor or something. So, anyway, we shouldn't feel bad for the old, lonely, decrepit widow mole who's probably going to get hit on by ODB now. No way, kids!

We then flash back to Pauli carrying a blanket and moping through tunnels. Her VO says, "I remember how sad I was when Mr. Bird was gone!" Unfortunately, so do we. She recalls the disappearance of Mr. Bird as "the saddest day of my life!" Well, hellooooo, Drama Queen!

She then tells us that "everything is happy again!" as we get quick shots of scrawny teenagers who look like they just walked out of a Calvin Klein ad. Pauli Girl's VO tells us that she's found a "land where people look like me! And act like me!" In other words, Hollywood.

We see each one of the Calvin Klein models sitting inside their own personal giant flower, and one really androgynous Calvin Klein Model Boy peers out as Pauli Girl just strolls on into their town. She calls out, "I don't see any people! Hello!" A girl peeks out of a flower and asks in a drug-induced haze of detachment, "Who are you? And what do you want?"

Pauli Girl says, "I was also born in a flower! But then I was stolen away and I have lost my mother!" The girl in the flower says, "Um, did we ask?" Okay, not really. Anyway, Pauli Girl drops Mr. Bird's name, adding that she's been "searching for some friends!"

After another deathly pause, Calvin Klein Model Chick eventually comes down from her flower and takes Pauli Girl's hand, and leads her off for some hot girl-on-girl action. Oh, wait, sorry, I'm thinking of the wrong Barry Mahon film. In this one, the Calvin Klein Chick drags Pauli Girl over to the other flowers where the rest of the Calvin Klein models are hanging around and shooting up heroin.

She brings Pauli Girl over to some guy with a Beatle haircut who's dressed in a Bee Gees leisure suit. She addresses him as "Your Majesty" and introduces him to Pauli Girl. The Doped-Up Beatle Bee Gee cries, "You're finally here! Our history books have said that some day the rightful queen of the Flower Children would come!" Oh, great, messianic subtext in children's films. Maybe Pauli Girl should go visit the Oracle while she's at it.

Doped-Up Beatle Bee Gee tells her that the history books said "her name would be Pauli Girl and she would become my wife!" [!!] An understandably incredulous Pauli Girl says, "All that is in your history books?" I mean, Doped-Up Beatle Bee Gee is probably just making all this stuff up to get laid, but considering she let the last guy who showed her some paintings get into her pants, he really doesn't have to go to this much trouble.

DUBBG says he's been waiting a long time for her, and that she's "as beautiful as the books said you would be!" Did those books happen to use the term "Butterface"? Then he comes down from his flower and proposes to her and asks her to be his queen. Pauli says, "But I don't know you! I just arrived!" By now, she must be like, what is it with men? First they shake hands, then they want to marry you. Christ!

Pauli asks, "Can't I live here a bit, until I find out if I will like it, and like you?" DUBBG apologizes, asking her to stay with them a while, "and I'll ask you again!" She thanks him and says, "For the first time, I feel happy! This is where I belong!" She takes his hand and they walk off. See? I told you she was easy.

The Drive Thru Speaker returns and tells us that Pauli was now "with her own kind! She knew that she could live with the Flower Children forever!" Or, at least until they all hit thirty, move off the commune, get haircuts, and decide to become coke-snorting yuppies.

So, long story short, Pauli and DUBBG got hitched and she became Princess Pauli Girl of the Flower Children. (I'm sure he didn't have to twist her arm much.) Mrs. Mole tells us that "Mr. Bird saw the wedding and flew back to tell us all about it!" But the real question is, did he get drunk at the reception?

We then cut to Pauli Girl's Moonie Wedding, and we see her standing in one of the Giant Flowers in her wedding gown. The good news is, this means the story is almost over. The bad news is, there's still one more song left. "You will be happy ever after," Pauli sings. "You and me, happy ever after! Little birds will sing a happy song, know at last you're home where you belong! We will stay happy ever after, every day, filled with joy and laughter! Leave your sadness in the pahhhst! It's happy ever after ever after, at lahhhst!" (Um, when did Pauli Girl become British?)

Then we see more Calvin Klein models dancing around in their Giant Flowers like the audience at a Grateful Dead concert. Though, I really must admit here, some of these chicks are actually pretty cute. Butterface must have been screwing the director to get the lead in this thing.

Then we get more shots of Pauli Girl looking vacant-eyed as the instrumental section of "Happy Ever After" goes on, and on, and on. Eventually, they even throw in a quick riff from the Wedding March, making me briefly wonder if I'm actually listening to a Rick Wakeman solo.

Then all the gathered hippies sing in unison. "We will stay, happy ever after! Every day, filled with joy and laughter! Leave your sadness in the pahhhst! It's happy ever after, ever after... at lahhhhst!" These kids look so stoned. I think it's high time Mitchell came in and busted them all for smoking grass.

Then it's back to the Drive Thru Speaker in Fairy Land, where Butterface and that random family are finally walking out. The Speaker tells us "It's the end of my story about St. Pauli Girl! She and the prince lived happily ever after. And so have I! ODB decided he wanted to marry someone, so he married me!" Poor woman.

So, anyway, this means that Pauli Girl should feel no guilt, I repeat, absolutely no guilt for running off the day before her wedding. You know, right now, I'm really undecided. Do I want the kids watching this movie to grow up and emulate Pauli Girl, or emulate that kid jumping off his roof with a patio umbrella? It's really a tough call.

There's one final close-up on the Drive Thru Speaker as it tells us, "Thank you for listening!" And please don't report our shoddy rides to the Florida Department of Public Safety!