Pauli Girl wanders around until she happens upon a door in a wall of solid rock. We learn that this home belongs to none other than the Drive Thru Speaker Narrator herself.

After a eternity, the door finally opens to reveal somebody in a foam "mole" suit, which has been accessorized with a shawl and an apron. This turns out to be the creatively named "Mrs. Mole". Mrs. Mole lets her in and Pauli Girl asks, "May I come in and warm myself?" even though she's already inside. She then totally hits up the mole for something to eat.

"Of - course - I'll - fix - you - something," Mrs. Mole says mechanically, and Pauli Girl waves her hands in front of the fireplace for one tenth of a second. For some reason, I don't find this to be a very convincing "cold" act.

So even though Pauli Girl just said she hasn't eaten in "several days", Mrs. Mole decides to sit a spell and interrogate her. First, she wants to know what a "pretty little girl" is doing out in the forest. What pretty little girl? Mrs. Mole also appears to be a lot more tolerant about Pauli's height than the Insect Things, because she doesn't even bother to mention it.

Pauli Girl goes on and on, giving her the long spiel about how she had a home, but then the Mom Frog kidnapped her, and tried to get her to marry her frog son. Geez, did she ask for your life story? Pauli Girl says, "Eccchhh! He was terrible looking!" But, was he good to you?

Mrs. Mole says, "I certainly understand. Frogs are terrible looking." Well, I guess both of them are shallow, then. "We moles think they are filthy creatures! If you are going to marry anyone, it should be a mole!" Man, I didn't know bigotry was so prevalent in the animal kingdom.

Pauli Girl suddenly transforms into the Liberated Feminist and says, "I really wasn't counting on marrying anyone! I am just getting started in life! There are so many things to see, that I hadn't really thought of settling down!" I mean, I still need to backpack across Europe! And get really drunk in a London pub! And have some Scottish guy with bad teeth hold my head over a toilet while I puke!

Mrs. Mole agrees that "a girl cannot decide on those things too quickly!" and claims to be "very secure here!" She explains that she's set for life because her dead mole husband "worked, and worked, and worked!" Meanwhile, Mrs. Mole was probably off having an affair with a field mouse. That mouse was hung like a guinea pig, I tell you!

Pauli Girl looks around and her eyes glaze over. "But I think I am too young to get married," Pauli says. "Besides, don't you think I should see more of the world first?" Mrs. Mole replies, "When I was young, we had no thoughts of such things! When we were old enough, we got married, and went to work to be good wives! Maybe things are changing." Yeah, maybe. I guess the time is finally right for feminism to reach into the mole world.

Anyway, Mrs. Mole tells Pauli Girl to eat and that they'll continue this fascinating discourse later. The Drive Thru Speaker, which we now understand to be the voice of Mrs. Mole herself, tells us that Pauli "at last had security again!" She describes how the two of them shot the bull together during the long winter months, and even though Pauli wanted to go up and see the outside world again, she was "content" to stay underground until winter was over.

Then we cut back to Butterface, and now I'm 100% positive that the same shot of her is being used over and over. Every time they cut to her, she tilts her head to right. Okay, there she is... Tilt head to right... Now. Yep, it's the same shot. Anyway, back in St. Pauli World, Pauli picks a flower out of a pot on Mrs. Mole's mantle. Wow, it's symbolic! Of something!

The Drive Thru Speaker says that once summer came, Pauli Girl went back above ground for the purpose of "enjoying the beauty of Mother Nature". This seems to involve wandering around the same set where she ran into the Insect Things. We watch for like an hour as she touches every mushroom in sight, presumably hoping to luck upon a Psilocybe.

The Drive Thru Speaker version of Mrs. Mole says, "One day, I had a surprise visitor!" Pauli Girl comes home and Mrs. Mole introduces her to another mole named "Mr. Digger". She says he "lives near here! But he goes south for the winter! [?]" Do moles really migrate? The character of Mr. Digger turns out to be a guy in a nearly identical cheap foam mole suit, only this one comes accessorized with glasses, a suit, and a white carnation in the pocket.

Pauli Girl curtsies for Mr. Digger, and he says, "She is exquisite! Like a beam of sunlight. Or, so they tell me what a beam of sunlight looks like! [!!] I cannot stand the light myself!" He suddenly gets "an excellent idea", explaining that there just happens to be a tunnel linking Mrs. Mole's cave to his cave. So he totally hits on Pauli Girl.

"Why don't you come with me," he says. "And I will show you some very interesting things that I have collected from all over the world!" That's gotta be a trick. There are no "interesting things" in this movie.

Mrs. Mole just eggs Pauli Girl on, telling her to go with him. She says, "There is nothing to fear from Mr. Digger! He is a fiiiine gentleman!" Well, what a great legal guardian she turned out to be. Remind me never to let her watch my two-inch kids.

Mr. Digger, who I will now be referring to more appropriately as Old Dirty Bastard, tells Pauli Girl that she doesn't need to be afraid of an "old gentleman like myself". So Pauli Girl just stares blankly at him. She definitely has a skill.

Old Dirty Bastard tells her again to come along, doing everything but tempting her with a piece of candy and a doll. He grabs her hand and leads her off, and Pauli Girl has the all the enthusiasm of someone being led to the electric chair.

We cut to a tunnel and hear Pauli Girl yell, "Not so fast!" Old Dirty Bastard replies, "We've got to hurry, child! Before the Viagra wears off!" Okay, he doesn't really say that, but that's the idea.

She says that she can't move as fast as him because it's dark down in these tunnels. Old Dirty Bastard says, "It is the nicest place there is, these cool damp dark caverns! What a beautiful way to live!" Pauli Girl says she prefers the blue sky and trees instead, and asks ODB if he likes trees, too. ODB says, "I like the tree roots! They are delicious!"

She corrects him, saying that it's nice to look at the trees, and the sky, and clouds, and all that other chick stuff. He just laughs and says that stuff doesn't float his boat, suddenly turning into one of the Three Stooges when he says that "all dose tings hoit my eyes!"

He leads her forward and they suddenly come across a big dead bird with blue and white feathers. Pauli Girl exclaims, "Oh, the poor creature!" ODB says the bird must have been caught by an early snowfall and crawled into the tunnel to keep warm. "Anyway," ODB says, "He's an ugly creature!" Yeah, so he probably deserved it.

They both cruise into ODB's cave, and it's a total old man's house, with paintings on the wall, a lace doily tablecloth, a chandelier, etc. Pauli Girl comments, "This is beautiful! You must have traveled in many countries to have collected so many beautiful things!" Either that, or he went to a lot of rummage sales.

ODB says, "It's not often that someone as young as you notices the finer things!" He points at the chandelier, saying it came from an "old chateau in France!" and at the stove, which was "made by the finest Dutch craftsmen!" and at the rug, which was "woven by the oldest firm in Persia!" and at the paintings, which are "the best of the old masters!" Can I just say, this is like the weirdest episode of MTV Cribs ever.

ODB says he's spent his whole life collecting beautiful things, but now he has "only one sorrow." He goes into a pointless, meandering old man story about how hard he worked when he was a kid, and how he had to walk to school uphill through twenty miles of snowstorms, and he used to be able to get ten candy bars for a penny, yadda yadda yadda.

But eventually, he became rich, and even though he blew all of his money on paintings, this has "not brought me happiness! I'm lonesome!" Geez, is everybody in this movie pathetic and lonesome, or what? I mean, if I really wanted to watch a bunch of pathetic losers with no love lives, I'd just go to a Star Trek convention.

Pauli Girl can't believe ODB's lonely, because he has "everything you need! And I'm sure you have many friends!" Actually, I'm pretty sure all his friends are dead by now.

ODB says he has lots of friends, "But most of them would disappear very quickly if they thought I had lost my money!" Well, that's a given. "You are lucky, Pauli Girl. When someone offers to be your friend, you know they truly mean it!" Uh, yeah. And I'm sure it's got absolutely nothing to do with her reluctance to wear a bra.

"Oh, you shouldn't be so serious!" Pauli Girl says. It's now her turn to complain about being lonely. ODB can't believe this because of how "beautiful" she supposedly is. Keep in mind, however, that moles aren't well renowned for their sense of sight. Then, here we go again, she lays all the frog kidnapping stuff and the hiding out in the forest crap on him. I don't know about you, but I never get tired of hearing this sob story.

"It's such a funny world," ODB says. Isn't it, though? "Here I am with everything, and I'm unhappy. And there you are, a beautiful child with everything to look forward to, and you're unhappy!" And here I am, some guy watching this movie, and I'm unhappy!

ODB says he's sorry for everything she's had to deal with, and wishes that he could make her "truly happy". "But alas," he says, "I do not know where your home was, and if I did, I would not know how to get you back there safely!" And even if I did know how to get you back, I'm sure I could find some other lame excuse not to help!

She agrees, saying she's been gone too long to figure out her way home. "If only that frog had left me at home!" she pouts. Yeah, yeah. Blame the frog. Everything's the frog's fault, isn't it?

ODB then reveals that in the two minutes since he first met her, he's become "enchanted by your charm!" and says that he's "a lonesome old man. But I do have everything you need!" Except the ability to achieve erection. He reminds her of how much money he has, then tells her, "I hesitate in asking you, but under the circumstances, I think it would be appropriate! St. Pauli Girl, will you marry me? [!!]"

Pauli Girl totally freaks. "Marry you? Why, Old Dirty Bastard, you just met me today!" ODB says that "all of a sudden, it seemed like the right thing to do!" All of a sudden, he got really horny!

ODB says he wants to "protect" Pauli Girl and make sure she's "safe from all the things that could happen to you!" Like, for instance, a perverted old mole trying to marry her. He gives her a few days to think it over, telling her to go back and discuss it with Mrs. Mole. Uh, yeah. Given the enlightened stuff that's come out of that mole's mouth, I think we all know how that conversation will end.

ODB concedes that "I know I'm not handsome! Or young!" And I may not have all my teeth! And maybe I don't bathe as much as I should! "But you must think of your future! And I know now that I love you with all my heart!" I guess when you get to be his age, you don't waste time.

Pauli Girl says, "I know you've meant everything you've said sincerely!" Gee, thanks. She promises to think about his proposal and quickly leaves. Once she's gone, ODB begins humming the Wedding March to himself. Whoa, slow down there, fella.