The Blockbuster Chick
Hosted by: Suzie McGinney
Deep in the heart of a quiet town in Scotland, the Blockbuster Chick dwells. Her purpose? To tackle the big name box office hits that should've never been green-lit in the first place—The movies that get a huge build-up, only to fall flat on opening weekend. Come watch as an adventurous Scottish lassie reviews them all (give or take a few)!
Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
The Bunny Perspective!
Hosted by: Phil Buni
Media reviews and analysis by a pot smoking, puppet bunny. Do you like weird-but-great underground films? Hate Glee, Gigli, and other Hollywood garbage? The Bunny Perspective offers a blend of humorously angry negative reviews, and honest praise of underground movies and TV. We talk about films, TV, anime, and animation. We are the Cult of the Bunny, and you too can be a Cultist. #CultoftheBunny
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Cheap-Arse Film Review
Hosted by: Liam Barrett
It's the Cheap-Arse Film Review, where a young(ish) man finds out if it's possible to live the life of a cinephile super-nerd on the strictest budget possible. Inspired by growing up in the wilds of Essex, England (that's only partially a joke, by the way) and the current harsh economic times, Liam only reviews DVD that can be purchased for £1.00p or less!
The Cinema Slob
Hosted by: Cinema Slob
The Cinema Slob is here to defend the movies that everyone else seems to hate, for some reason. His reviews of underappreciated and misunderstood classics of modern cinema will surely entertain and maybe even change a few minds.
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The DVD Shelf
Hosted by: David Rose
Life is short, so skip the bad movies and let your host David Rose reveal, review, and recommend the ones you should have on your own DVD shelf. The DVD Shelf is a film-lover's safe haven to bask in the warm glow of cult favorites, over-looked cinematic gems, rediscovered classics, and downright fun flicks on both DVD and Blu-ray.
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Solkir
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
Joshua the Anarchist
Hosted by: Joshua Bell
Charged with the crime of liking Batman & Robin, Joshua the Anarchist has been declared insane and committed to Arkham Asylum. Locked away in a padded cell, he'll endure movie after movie as doctors attempt to "treat" him. He may not have gone in a madman, but he soon will be.
Minority Report Reviews
Hosted by: Tom Marriott
Minority Report Reviews is where often slated or just plain forgotten films and TV shows come for an ego boost. Focusing primarily on unloved sequels, your host Tom Marriott takes questions from the general public to showcase the positives in these films. Love it or hate it, this is the show where you can have your say and see a guilty pleasure defended by the host with the most... strange tastes.
Movie Dorkness
Hosted by: Sofie Liv
It's the show formerly known as Red Suitcase Adventues! Join Sofie Liv, a nice Dane (who may not be as negative as everyone else!) as she dissects pop culture phenomena to explore both the good and bad in popular films.
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Mystery Madness
Hosted by: Full of Questions
Mysteries are awesome! And who's better suited to examine the wonderful, the terrible, and the adequate of the movie mystery genre than a teenager with nerdy glasses and substandard editing software? ...Many people, probably, but enjoy the show anyway!
The Oldschoo' Review
Hosted by: Johnny Oldschool
Johnny eats disgusting food, he reviews bad movies, and he's usually drunk. Bacon lovers everywhere agree that The Old Schoo' Review is the worst thing to happen to the internet since flash-based websites.
PGSM Summaries
Hosted by: Nycea
Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (PGSM for short) is a hilarious live-action retelling of the Sailor Moon story. On this show, your host Nycea summarizes and riffs on this gloriously bad series—one episode at a time.
The Porn Critic
Hosted by: Porn Critic
Comedy reviews of the worst and most bizarre adult films available, by a character called the Porn Critic, who tends to focus on the acting bits rather than the actual sex! Who knew continuity errors and bad dialogue could lead to chronic flaccidity?
Reel vs. Reel
Hosted by: Animated Heroine
Animation isn't just for kids; it's also for adults who never learned how to grow up. In Reel vs. Reel, the Animated Heroine looks at two similar animated films to see which one comes out on top and why. Her love for good animated films is only matched by her cynicism towards the bad ones.
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
the agony booth
Mister T “Mystery of the Golden Medallion” TV Recap Page 2 of 6
Posted by Dr. Winston O'Boogie Posted on: April 23, 2005
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Then we see Mr. T walking with a very ape-like gait, and then a shot of the whole happy team walking with him leads us to the closing shot. A silhouetted gymnast flips past the giant word "Mister", transforms into a "T", and the whole gang materializes in front of the letter T. And that, seriously, is about the most creative thing in the whole episode.

 


And while you're at it, why don't you buy the world a Coke, too?

 

The expected low-key funky guitars and low-key strings lead us into the live-action intro for the episode. As I mentioned earlier, the real Mr. T appears in filmed segments to first introduce each episode, and then afterwards he comes back to explain the moral of the story, which was always helpful for the kids who ate too much paste and pencil lead and couldn't keep up with the sophisticated plot machinations of cartoons like The Go-Bots.

Here, Mr. T appears to be standing in the center of a race track somewhere. Not a horse race track, because Mr. T don't endorse gambling, fool, but a track and field race track. Since this was shot during the time he was concurrently filming The A-Team, his Mohawk is in more of a menacing, spikey kind of style, as opposed to the softer look from his Be Somebody video. It's definitely Mr. T's rugged look.

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He approaches us, grabs his belt buckle, and declares, "The name is Mr. T! First name is Mister, middle name is that period, last name is T!" And you know, I think he's totally serious. Didn't he legally change his name to "Mr. T"? And if you're putting a period in your name, wouldn't you sort of have to put that in the "middle name" box on the name change form?

Which brings up another good point. The title of this series is "Mister T", not "Mr. T" — Check the opening credits. Why the change? I'm not sure. I guess it just looks better, in terms of the logo. But leave it to these idiots to completely eliminate one of the lynchpins of Mr. T's humor.

Anyway, Mr. That Period T points at us, using one of the few gestures in his repertoire, that of imitating the "Uncle Sam Wants YOU" Army poster. "Listen, and listen good," he cries. "I'm talkin' to you!" Me with the teeth? "When a new kid moves in on your block, what's your attitude? Do you figger, what do we need him for? Well, I pity the fool that makes that mistake! You wanna know why?" Because you're legally obligated to say that? Seriously, I think it was expressly written into his contract that he had to declaim his sympathy for unwise people at least once per episode.


"Hey! You with the teeth! And the eyes! And the full lips! And the soft, luscious hair! Uh, where was I?"

 
 

But if you want to know why he pities this particular fool, "Then watch what happen [sic] in San Francisco, where a new member join [sic] our team!" I sure hope kids weren't watching this cartoon to learn English. I mean, does anybody know what tense he's speaking in? Mr. T is the only person I know of who can get away with describing the past, present and future all in one verb.

He says this new member will (is in the process of? already has?) "try to help solve... the Mystery of the Golden Medallions!" Although, the title card that comes up a split second later calls this episode "The Mystery of the Golden Medallion", singular. I'm not sure who messed up, Mr. T or the guy who designed the title card, but "medallions" makes a lot more sense, as we'll see in a minute.

But during the title card, we learn that both the cartoon and the live-action intro and outro were partially written by Steve Gerber. Yes, the exact same Steve Gerber who invented Man-Thing and Howard the Duck. But not to worry, because evidently he didn't waste any of his wit on this script. Steve, if you're reading this, we know you just needed a paycheck, and it's okay. If you had been the only one participating in this series for a quick buck, it would've never been made in the first place.

 


Where are we? Boston, right?


(Stargrove!) Flyin' like he's never flown! (Stargrove!) Runnin' to a danger zone!

 

So, we open in San Francisco. In case T's mention of the city from ten seconds ago has already been forgotten in a paste-induced haze, we get the standard establishing shot of our current Highly Visible Landmark, the Golden Gate Bridge. Then we cut to a building with some very odd, jagged architecture.

Inside, there's a (what else) gymnastics competition going down. The crowd goes ooh and ahh. And by that I mean that all of the voices are literally saying "Oooh!" and then "Ahhh!" They're ooh-ing and ahh-ing at The Black Kid as he does his routine on the rings. And then the crowd noises start getting totally fake and overdone, to the point where it sounds like half the crowd is currently having an orgasm. Honestly, have you ever heard a crowd make this much noise at a gymnastics meet? Maybe these same people also like to stand directly behind pro golfers and yell, "Holy shit!"


"What the hell is this? I thought we were judging Miss Teen USA!"


"Haha! Let's see them award the Nobel Peace Prize now!"

 
 

Black Kid holds himself steady on the rings. We see sweat dripping down his face as his muscles vibrate. Cut to the judges looking on, made up mainly of guys in tuxedos [?]. Meanwhile, all the medals are laid out, waiting to placed around the necks of the victors. Unfortunately, a gloved hand reaches out and snatches them away.

Meanwhile, Black Kid finishes his routine and everyone cheers. An announcer identifies him as Woody Daniels of the "American Championship Gymnastics Team". It seems a little presumptuous to put "Championship" in the name of your team, but what do I know? Mrs. Kravitz looks on, applauding with her eyeglasses strung around her neck.

The Asian Girl on the team talks to the White Guy on the team. His name is Jeff, hers is Kim. Kim asks Jeff what he thinks of their new team member, and Jeff says, "Woody? Ehhh, he's okay, I guess! But who needs him?" The Redheaded Girl stands nearby. She agrees with Jeff and declares, "This team needs another gymnast like I need a third ear!" What? I guess they were going for a variation on "another hole in the head", but a "third ear" doesn't immediately spring to mind as something I would have no use for. I mean, it would look weird, but you can't say it wouldn't have its practical applications.

 


"Good job, Woody! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go eavesdrop on my neighbors!"

 

As they talk, for some reason, in the background there's a very drippy, sentimental song with nothing but strings and little tinklings on the piano. It makes me wonder if Woody is dying of cancer. Mrs. Kravitz addresses the redhead as "Robin" and calls her out for being "unkind", and says Woody is "talented". Robin, knowing full well that she's being a bitch, doesn't reply and just walks off. A moment later, she appeals directly to Mr. T, asking if he thinks the new guy can "cut it".


"You're hiding a boner, aren't you?"

 
 

"Cut it?" Mr. T asks. "Like a knife through buttah!" [!!] Oh my gawd, it's like buttah! No, really, he says that. Just then, the little kid wearing a ripped jean jacket just like Mr. T shows up, and parrots exactly what T just said, only in a faux "Mean Joe Greene" voice. Another poor white kid, trying to sound black. Interesting trivia note, this kid would eventually grow up to be Kevin Federline.

Little T confronts Woody and yells, "Here, kid! Towel off!" and throws a towel at him. Wow, he really is Mean Joe Greene! The towel inevitably covers Woody's entire head, leading to all sorts of potential "towel head" jokes that I can't make here. Because Allah is good, and Allah is great.

 


Oh, we're never gonna survive unless... we get a little... crazy...

 

With the towel still covering his head [?], Woody goes over to have a little talk with Robin about her brother Spike, the psychopathic T-wannabe. The Wanna-T, if you will. Woody, who by the way is being voiced by the aforementioned Phil Lamarr, asks, "Is he for real?" Well, I'm wondering that, too, but out of all the people here (cough-Mr. T-cough), he's about the last person I would be openly asking was "for real". Mrs. Kravitz comes over and informs Woody it's no big deal, because Spike "wants to be Mr. T when he grows up [!!]." Which, I think, is about as dumb as saying you want to become a German Shepherd or the King of England when you grow up. But if that's not dumb enough, Mr. T offers this little epistle of wisdom:

Mr. T: Can't. I'm me now, gonna be me then! But the kid's comin' close!

And in just a few short sentences, Mr. T completely circumvents all rules of syntax, grammar, and temporal causality. The man is truly a gift to humanity.

Anyway, the announcer gives the judges' scores, and to no one's surprise, Woody gets a 9.9. (Otherwise known as the average IQ of the people who made this cartoon.) Jeff is aghast that Woody won first place, beating his Aryan ass, while Mr. T tells Woody to go on with his bad self and get his gold medal. Meanwhile, there's a shot of Robin and Jeff giving him the evil eye.


Affirmative action leaves Whitey disgruntled yet again.

 
 

See, it's not enough for the new black kid on the team to be just as competent as everyone else on the team, oh no. He has to be Super Negro and beat the snot out of everybody else in the entire gymnastics world. Now, it's not so much that I loathe this particular brand of political correctness because it makes the white characters look like selfish louts (though, it does kind of do that), it's more like this kind of simple-minded preaching completely blows whatever worthwhile message this script might have had about accepting the "new kid". That, and it sort of makes you hate the main characters, which in the very first episode is really not a good thing.

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