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Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Sybil Pandemic
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
Click to see all our shows!
the agony booth
High School Musical (2006) Movie Recap Page 9 of 12
Posted by Dr. Winston O'Boogie Posted on: October 23, 2008
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Now we're in the library, and Chad is yelling at Troy about wanting to be in the musical. Which is good, because I'm sure Troy hasn't gotten enough shit about this yet. And Chad is full-on yelling, too, despite being in a library.

Chad says, "Have you ever seen Michael Crawford on a cereal box?" Troy has no clue who Michael Crawford is, so Chad replies, "Exactly my point!" So, wait, how does Chad know who Michael Crawford is? Is he just covering up for his own secret love of musical theater?

He explains that he saw The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, and that his mom saw it 27 times. Sure, sure. His mom did.

He further explains that his mom put Michael Crawford's picture inside their refrigerator. Supposedly, it was one of her "crazy diet ideas". Ultimately, the whole point of this dumb, time-wasting conversation is that basketball stars end up on cereal boxes, while musical theater stars end up in his mom's refrigerator. Hacked to pieces, most likely.

And I'm not sure about cereal boxes, but Spamalot did end up on a can of SPAM. A honey-flavored can of SPAM. Now that's worth a good solid hour of shuddering.

The article continues after this advertisement...

It seems the badgering didn't work, because next we see Chad, flanked by a few basketball players, going to talk to Taylor. Ryan and Sharpay are at the classroom door, with more crazy outfits on. Honestly, it's getting to the point where I can't do their outfits justice through simple words anymore.

Caption contributed by Albert
Disney tried to clone Sonny and Cher, but something went very, very wrong.

Ryan and Sharpay are getting crazy paranoid. They discuss how Troy getting into the musical could make the drama club merely an extension of the dominion of the jocks. Also, Troy hooking up with an alleged nerd like Gabriella means that "the scholastic club goes from drool to cool!" Ah, well, there you go. Their motivations have now been fully fleshed out. The movie makes so much more sense now.

Sharpay makes a tortured pun on "Tony Awards" and "Tony Hawk", and it's not funny, so I'm moving on.

Cut to the next day. Chad is now the one sneaking around the school grounds Mission: Impossible style. He meets up with Taylor, and wants to sync up watches with her, and it turns out he's wearing three wristwatches. Taylor updates my Mission: Impossible reference by about thirty years by saying, "We're not Charlie's Angels, okay?" She hands him a laptop.

Chad's current T shirt: "Easily Distracted". It's like he's wearing the Facebook mood application.

And now, Troy is wandering around the strangely vacant boys locker room. He turns a corner, and his entire team is there, gathered around a table covered in basketball awards and trophies. And it appears they're staging a musical theater intervention. All that talk of Shaq and LeBron and Michael Crawford didn't do the trick, so now the team has moved on to emotional blackmail.

They're all holding up photos of former MVPs who led the Wildcats to championships in years past. I'll be the first to admit I never had any interest in my high school's sports, but do athletes generally know this much about their high school MVPs from 6, 15, even 30 years ago?

Caption contributed by Albert
"C'mon! It's personally autographed by Hashy McWeedington! You know you want this!"

Chad sums it all up by saying none of these "legends" got into musical theater the week before the big game. Kind of hard to argue with that logic, actually. This prompts the 8 billionth chant from the team of "Getcha head in the game!" Aaaaaaand, they follow this up with the 8 billion and 1-th chant. Okay, fine: 32nd and 33rd.

Troy reasonably points out he's not the only guy on the team, and there are 12 of them. So Chad reminds him of the invisible 13th member. He pulls out an old photo of Troy's dad—which looks nothing like him—from 1981, when he won the championship and made MVP. So, way to manipulate a guy.

And now, the School Nerds take their turn on Gabriella. They're doing the full guilt press on her in one of the classrooms. But whereas Chad went with an appeal to emotion, Taylor's ploy is far more logical.

On a laptop, she's got a whole PowerPoint slide comparing athletes to cavemen. She's even got a blown-up, poster-sized photo of a basketball player with Troy's head pasted on it. She refers to him as "Lunkheaded Basketball Man". I'm all for visual aids, but this makes no sense at all.

Caption contributed by Albert
The consequences of getting your head too far into the game.

Taylor tells Gabriella that "our path, the path of the mind" has brought us various famous women, and she brings up slides of them: Eleanor Roosevelt, Frida Kahlo, Sandra Day O'Connor, Madame Curie, Jane Goodall, Oprah Winfrey... Oprah Winfrey? Is this really what young girls find inspiring in this day and age? I guess they must, because in comes the inspirational music.

Caption contributed by Albert
And let me tell you, she sure knew all about shooting the outside J.

Gabriella's response is the extremely coherent, "Uh... but... what is... you know, I've got Kelsi waiting for me to rehearse." She's on the path of the mind, alright. Taylor snaps at her, saying Troy represents "one side of evolution", while they represent the "side of education and accomplishment", and other pointless drivel in a similar vein.

Over in the locker room, Troy promises the guys he'll be putting the statistically impossible "110%" of his "guts" into the championship game. He assures them that his head is, in fact, in the game. And while he's talking, one of the players does a really obvious "secret" move, where he flips open a laptop and aims a webcam at Troy.

Caption contributed by Albert
"You know what would really prove that you're for the team, Troy? Take off your shirt."

Troy is completely oblivious, while Chief Prosecutor Chad starts asking leading questions. Under duress, Troy yells, "I've always been for the team!" He insists the "singing thing is nothing", and furthermore, "Gabriella is not important!" She is not his perfect little snowflake, he'll forget about her eventually, etc.

Surprise! Gabriella is watching this speech on Taylor's laptop. Somehow, Taylor is able to get a live webcam feed from the locker room. And according to her screen, her laptop is "Recieving [sic] Wi-Fi Signal". But compared to the Engrish I see in a lot of the device drivers I install these days, that's nothing.

Caption contributed by Albert
The Zac-Cam is about to become the most profitable venture since the Corey Hotline.

Gabriella is cruelly forced to watch Troy make this big speech about how he doesn't care about her at all. Taylor gloats. A single fake tear falls out of Gabriella's eye. Come on, Gabriella, you gotta admit this is way more entertaining than most video blogs. Would you rather watch this, or that guy cursing at Nintendo games?

In a smooth transition, Taylor immediately asks Gabriella to compete in the scholastic decathlon. Then she asks, "Did you want to grab some lunch?" I mean, after you're done realizing all your hopes and dreams have died in one afternoon, who wouldn't be starving?

In the locker room, everyone's pumped because of Troy's heartless rejection. This leads to yet another chant of... oh, please don't make me type it again. I'll just say that makes 34, and leave it at that.

And now there's a rally out in front of the school, with cheerleaders dancing, and banners, and people jumping around. Hey, just in time! And they all lift Troy up on their shoulders, and there's another brief snippet of the song about how the Wildcats have "really got it going on".

Caption contributed by Albert
"Hooray for Troy, the first guy to do a mashup of YouTube and dumping a chick!"

Sad Gabriella stares out a classroom window at this euphoric display. She turns around, looking thoughtfully out into space. Yeah, you guessed it: time for another song. This one is a weepy power ballad called "When There Was Me and You".

Summary: She feels like she's on the outside looking in (actually, she's on the inside looking out, if you want to be pedantic), she doesn't know why she believed in Troy—or rather, why she thought "miracles could happen", and she thought Troy was her "fairy tale", and "a dream when [she's] not sleeping", and "a wish upon a star that's coming true", and about 45 other lyrical clichés I don't feel like getting into.

The choreography is also completely forgettable. Gabriella just wanders around the school alone and sings. At one point she's on a balcony and she gets a halo of key light, that kind of thing. Well, I will give them this: it's still more interesting than the average musical number on Cop Rock.

Caption contributed by Albert
And on top of everything else, Gabriella is a firestarter!

She sings, "I'm only left with used-to-bes, and once upon a song." I think that just shorted out the grammatical portion of my brain. Here down come Gabriella be, singed the song boringly.

By the way, did you know that "dreams were meant for sleeping"? Who says this movie is not educational?

The sole hilarious moment comes when she just happens upon a wall mural of the Wildcats, and it actually features a giant image of Troy. No heavy handed symbolism here! She even leans on his enormous likeness and sings to it, which is just a tad bit bizarre.

Caption contributed by Albert
Gabriella considers the possibility that the rest of him is just as huge.

And then she keeps singing that she "liked the view" when "there was me and you". The view? What does that mean? Could they have been more obvious about being desperate for a rhyme?

She wraps up the song, and now the halls are suddenly filled with people. She goes to her locker and Troy appears, but she gives him the cold shoulder, and preemptively disses him, and says she's not interested in the callbacks. "I mean, who are we trying to kid? You've got your team, and now I've got mine!"

She tells him to go win the championship, and she'll go win the scholastic decathlon. "It's where we belong." Ah, everybody's back in their boxes, at long last. The struggle is finished. Troy and Gabriella have won the victory over themselves. They love Big Brother. And the thing that is in Ms. Darbus' homeroom is the worst thing in the world.

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