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Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Sybil Pandemic
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
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the agony booth
High School Musical (2006) Movie Recap Page 3 of 12
Posted by Dr. Winston O'Boogie Posted on: October 23, 2008
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Cut to "One Week Later" in "Albuquerque, New Mexico". Pan up on "East High School", per the sign out front, while a song plays in the background, informing us that the "Wildcats" are "in the house", and they've "really got it going on", and other factoids of a similar nature. But we'll be hearing this particular song in gruesome clarity later, so I won't bother talking about it for now.

The front lawn is currently filled with students. Given the captions, I'll guess this is everybody's first day back from holiday break. Among the crowd is a guy who's got the whole curly-fro, Justin Guarini look going on, and he's got a basketball and he's doing various moves with it, keeping it away from some blonde girl, and so forth.

A school bus pulls up, and out pops our karaoke buddy Troy. Everyone's thrilled to see him, and the following is revealed in short order: Curly Fro Guy's name is "Chad", and Chad and Troy are both on the basketball team. The team is playing a championship game in a couple of weeks, and Troy is their star player. That last part I'm assuming, because Chad says Troy will be "leading us to infinity and beyond!" Oh, come on, Disney. Blatantly referencing your own movies? I thought you guys were above that. (Okay, maybe not.)

Caption contributed by Albert
Damn, Troy, I didn't know you were tight with Sideshow Bob!

Chad is played by Corbin Bleu, who hasn't achieved quite the same level of fame as Zac and Vanessa. And yet, he released his own album anyway. And he has another one on the way. Are people with genuine talent so hard to find that Corbin Bleu needs to get his own singing career? I don't even want to imagine what those songs sound like.

By the way, Corbin Bleu should not, under any circumstances, be confused with chicken breasts stuffed with ham and swiss. And boy, I'm sure he's never heard anyone make a joke like that.

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And now the whole basketball team reunites on the front lawn, and they head on into the school together. Random hangers-on follow, chanting "Wildcats!" Hey, the Wildcats, I think I've heard of them. Is it true that they're in the house, and they've really got it going on?

Cut to inside the school, where we meet the obligatory School Bitch. We know she's the School Bitch, because first of all, she's blonde. Second of all, every teen movie is required by law to have a School Bitch. Third, everyone she passes (including the guys on the basketball team) makes a really overdone act of backing away from her, twitching in her presence, and acting like chills are going down their spines. So, School Bitch, or Death Personified. One of the two.

A basketball player quips, "The ice princess has returned from the North Pole!" Thanks for spelling that out for us. You're a real dude, dude.

Then Chad reveals a shining wit of his own:

Chad: You know what? She probably spent the holidays the way she always does!
Some other guy: How's that?
Chad: Shopping for mirrors!

The whole team makes big oh snap! faces like this is the hardest anyone's ever been busted on in the whole history of people getting busted on, but I... don't get it. I really... don't get it. I have nothing more to add here.

As the basketball team passes through the hallways, another girl sticks her nose up at them. She turns to her small group of friends and refers to them as "zoo animals". She just might be an important character later.

Meanwhile in another hallway, we find out, like this is any surprise, that Gabriella has just been transferred to East High. Imagine that! Gabriella starts school today at the very same school as Troy! I know, what are the odds, huh?

I'm being serious, here: What are the odds? The ski lodge in the opening scene was clearly nowhere near Albuquerque, New Mexico. Unless, of course, this movie takes place in 2240, during the height of global cooling. So, how likely is it that two people could meet randomly at a ski lodge, and sing karaoke together randomly, and then end up going to the same high school in a totally different state a week later? You know what? Maybe that emcee really was God!

Gabriella's MILFy mom is also here. They're walking through the halls with, oh, let's say, the principal. Conversation reveals that Gabriella's mom gets transferred around a lot (because in movies, what other reason could there possibly be for a student to change schools?). But Mom's company has promised not to move her again until after Gabriella graduates.

Gabriella is, of course, a bundle of nerves. "I don't want to be the school's freaky genius girl again!" Are you sensing a pattern yet? Likes to read, avoids parties, and at her previous school, she was regarded as a freaky genius. Are you buying Vanessa Hudgens as "the smart chick" yet, or not? You really need to. If you don't buy this, then I'm afraid the whole damn movie makes no sense at all.

Caption contributed by Albert
Is it wrong that I'm getting kind of turned on right now?

Mom gives her some sage advice. But it's not the advice I would give, which is basically, "Don't worry, Gabriella, I'm sure you can take some solace in being a hot piece of ass." Rather, Mom tells her to "just be Gabriella". Every day, I understand more and more why it's a good thing I don't have daughters.

And so, Gabriella makes a face like she's being led to the gallows, and heads off to her first class.

Caption contributed by Albert
Geez, relax, this isn't Sophie's Choice.

And that first class just so happens to be drama class. How do I know it's drama class? Let's see, the teacher is sitting in front of a velvet curtain, and on the curtain is a wall-hanging sculpture of those comedy/tragedy masks. So... metal shop, I'm guessing?

Troy's here, Chad's here, and the School Bitch is here. The School Bitch tries to get all chatty in Troy's face, but he's not even looking at her. Instead, Troy is totally dumbstruck, because Gabriella walks in and takes a seat in the back. Yes, not only are they going to the same school, but they've also been assigned the same homeroom.

The teacher, Ms. Darbus, is your stereotypical drama teacher. She's all snooty, and exaggerated, and diva-like, and speaks in a near-British accent. So, she's like a matronly version of Madonna. Except she can act. Darbus calls the class to order, then announces the upcoming auditions for the winter "musicale". Hey, the high school is having a musical. I wonder if that'll be important to... nah, forget it. I'm just talking crazy.

Ms. Darbus is played by Alyson Reed, who up until this movie was best known for her long career in Broadway musicals. Previously she played Sally Bowles in Cabaret and Marilyn Monroe in Marilyn: An American Fable. (Yes, at one point she was skinny and hot. Hey, come on, it happens to the best of us.) She's had some movie roles as well, most notably as Cassie in Richard Attenborough's film adaptation of A Chorus Line.

Our dear friend Chad weighs in with his feelings about the musical. He blows a raspberry, and gives the ol' thumbs down. Great, so I guess we'll be seeing him there!

Ms. Darbus also passes on information about next week's "scholastic decathlon competition", and yes, this too will become very important to the plot. This is some tight writing here in this scene. I'm being totally serious. There's nothing even vaguely alluded to that's not critical to the plot.

And here's where we learn the girl who compared the basketball team to "zoo animals" is named Taylor, and she's the president of the "chem club". Also, she will be our stock overachieving brain-box stereotype for the evening. Taylor is played by Monique Coleman, currently a B-lister at best, so naturally, she was on Dancing With the Stars a couple of seasons back.

Meanwhile, Troy is not believing that the girl in the back of the class is really Gabriella. So he opens up his phone and dials her number. And for some reason, he's stunned to hear her phone going off across the room. Troy's a bit slow, I think. Her picture is right there on his phone. Does he really not recognize her?

Caption contributed by Albert
"Dude! So that's how a phone works!"

Also, I'm assuming this is the first time he's ever called her. Because I'm pretty sure "I start school in a new city next week" just might have come up in conversation. And back in the ski lodge scene, he even promised he would call her "tomorrow". For shame, Troy. You have karaoke with a girl, and you don't call her back for a week?

When Gabriella's phone goes off, the School Bitch immediately checks her own phone. Another student behind the School Bitch checks his phone, too. And this is the Obligatory Toady Character. You know what I mean, I'm sure. All Official School Bitches must have at least one Toady Character who is at her beck and call, whom she can push around into doing her evil, bitchy bidding.

Ms. Darbus declares that "the cell phone menace" has struck again in her classroom, and takes away everybody's phones. And in the process, she lets us know that the School Bitch is named "Sharpay", not to be confused with the breed of dogs. I'd mock the whole Sharpay/Shar Pei thing, but that's just what they want me to do. I should at least be above making jokes worthy of one of these movies.

And the actress playing Sharpay is Ashley Tisdale, the movie's third newly-minted superstar. But unlike the others, Tisdale was already somewhat known at the time, as a regular on Disney's awful sitcom The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, where she pretty much played the same character. And guess what? Now that this movie's a mega-hit, she has her own album out, too. Cha-ching, indeed.

She also recently got a nose job, which she claimed was to fix a "deviated septum"—just like Ashley Simpson, as a matter of fact. Funny how "deviated septums" (septia?) tend to strike celebrities at a much higher rate than the general population. So way to go, Ashley—you just destroyed the only thing about your face that made you the slightest bit distinctive. It seems starlets these days learned absolutely nothing from Jennifer Grey.

Caption contributed by Albert
Good lord, look at that enormous honker! Thank god she got it fixed.

And then we learn that Toady Character's name is Ryan. And not to spoil things, but later on it'll be revealed that Ryan and Sharpay are brother and sister. And they're both in the same grade. So... fraternal twins, I guess?

Also, Ryan's quite... fashionable. To put it mildly. He's got on a stylish ribbed white sweater, and a stylish newsboy cap, and other things that no straight high school guy would ever wear. All throughout this movie, and all through the next one, there seems to be the clear insinuation that Ryan is gay. I mean, he wears a different fabulous outfit in every scene.

Caption contributed by Albert
"Let's see, one missed call... oh, it's from the '60s! It wants my outfit back!"

But this is a Disney Channel Original Movie. There's no chance of anyone defying Leviticus at squeaky-clean East High. Put a gay kid in High School Musical, and the protests against Last Temptation of Christ will look like a church picnic. Well, they did look like a church picnic, actually. Lots of Christians protested the movie, you see. The point is, Ryan is as straight as an arrow.

Ms. Darbus takes away cell phones from Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay, and Ryan, and orders all four of them to detention this afternoon. So Chad stupidly mouths off. He addresses Darbus as "Your Honor", and points out that Troy can't go to detention, because he has basketball practice. Wow, that excuse is sure to work.

Sure enough, Chad gets detention, too. And it's obvious they want us to hate Darbus, because later on she ends up being the movie's big baddie, but so far I'm behind everything she's doing.

Taylor the Chem Club Girl whispers a snarky comment about Chad to one of her friends. Predictably, she gets detention, too. It's a blood bath in here! This seems to be Darbus' way of letting everybody know that the holidays are really, really over.

One dumb kid raises his hand, and asks Darbus how her holidays were. All the other students groan at this, and that's the punch line that wraps up the scene.

And then the bell rings. What was that, a two-minute class? I know it's homeroom, but that still seems ridiculously short. I'm thinking that the person operating the bell must be reading along with the script.

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