Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
The Bunny Perspective!
Hosted by: Phil Buni
Media reviews and analysis by a pot smoking, puppet bunny. Do you like weird-but-great underground films? Hate Glee, Gigli, and other Hollywood garbage? The Bunny Perspective offers a blend of humorously angry negative reviews, and honest praise of underground movies and TV. We talk about films, TV, anime, and animation. We are the Cult of the Bunny, and you too can be a Cultist. #CultoftheBunny
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Cheap-Arse Film Review
Hosted by: Liam Barrett
It's the Cheap-Arse Film Review, where a young(ish) man finds out if it's possible to live the life of a cinephile super-nerd on the strictest budget possible. Inspired by growing up in the wilds of Essex, England (that's only partially a joke, by the way) and the current harsh economic times, Liam only reviews DVD that can be purchased for £1.00p or less!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The DVD Shelf
Hosted by: David Rose
Life is short, so skip the bad movies and let your host David Rose reveal, review, and recommend the ones you should have on your own DVD shelf. The DVD Shelf is a film-lover's safe haven to bask in the warm glow of cult favorites, over-looked cinematic gems, rediscovered classics, and downright fun flicks on both DVD and Blu-ray.
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Solkir
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
Joshua the Anarchist
Hosted by: Joshua Bell
Charged with the crime of liking Batman & Robin, Joshua the Anarchist has been declared insane and committed to Arkham Asylum. Locked away in a padded cell, he'll endure movie after movie as doctors attempt to "treat" him. He may not have gone in a madman, but he soon will be.
Minority Report Reviews
Hosted by: Tom Marriott
Minority Report Reviews is where often slated or just plain forgotten films and TV shows come for an ego boost. Focusing primarily on unloved sequels, your host Tom Marriott takes questions from the general public to showcase the positives in these films. Love it or hate it, this is the show where you can have your say and see a guilty pleasure defended by the host with the most... strange tastes.
Movie Dorkness
Hosted by: Sofie Liv
It's the show formerly known as Red Suitcase Adventues! Join Sofie Liv, a nice Dane (who may not be as negative as everyone else!) as she dissects pop culture phenomena to explore both the good and bad in popular films.
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Mystery Madness
Hosted by: Full of Questions
Mysteries are awesome! And who's better suited to examine the wonderful, the terrible, and the adequate of the movie mystery genre than a teenager with nerdy glasses and substandard editing software? ...Many people, probably, but enjoy the show anyway!
PGSM Summaries
Hosted by: Nycea
Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (PGSM for short) is a hilarious live-action retelling of the Sailor Moon story. On this show, your host Nycea summarizes and riffs on this gloriously bad series—one episode at a time.
The Porn Critic
Hosted by: Porn Critic
Comedy reviews of the worst and most bizarre adult films available, by a character called the Porn Critic, who tends to focus on the acting bits rather than the actual sex! Who knew continuity errors and bad dialogue could lead to chronic flaccidity?
Reel vs. Reel
Hosted by: Animated Heroine
Animation isn't just for kids; it's also for adults who never learned how to grow up. In Reel vs. Reel, the Animated Heroine looks at two similar animated films to see which one comes out on top and why. Her love for good animated films is only matched by her cynicism towards the bad ones.
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
the agony booth
Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives! (1989) Movie Recap Page 9 of 12
Posted by Mark "Scooter" Wilson Posted on: January 26, 2006
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Hey, look, they paid Larry King for two scenes! He's now interviewing Dennis Miller Guy, who says Satin Records is now offering a quarter million for proof Eddie Wilson lives. Larry, sharp guy that he is, tells Dennis this sounds like a publicity stunt, but Dennis denies this. I'm sure if we pan down, we'll see his fingers are crossed, too.

Cut to the two vans pulling up at a college somewhere. Over at the orange van, Charlie AKA Shirtless Drummer kicks the passenger door open with both feet [!] and then apologizes to it [?]. The young band members flirt with passing college girls, while Eddie and Diane stand around looking chaperonish. The gig they're performing at is called "Spring Break Blowout", which sounds like a glorified prom (but hey, even Marvin Berry did proms).

The article continues after this advertisement...

Rock Solid (hahahaha, still funny) is doing a vaguely '60s number called "Some Like It Hot" (and there's now a giant sign that says "Mount Richmond College Presents Sounds of the Sixties"), and everyone in this crowd is doing complicated dance moves like they're auditioning for the touring company of Hairspray. One of the chorus members—sorry, I mean a regular old college student—spots Diane sitting on the sidelines and asks her to dance with him, and she doesn't put up much resistance. They start hip-bumping in rotating configurations (are we watching dancing or aerobics?). Eddie catches sight of this, since, hello, they're doing it right in front of him, and he gets this flinty look in his eyes like he finally understands about wife-beating.


"She's—dancing! That bitch!"

 
 

Dancing Boy gets more inventive, and by the final notes of the song he's mopping the floor with her, and as everyone claps she collapses into his arms and he looks sated. It's Extra-Strength Metaphor, now with retsin! Eddie, meanwhile, is fuming, and I'm grinding my teeth, because the plot of this movie has degenerated into each character taking turns doing things that are guaranteed to piss Eddie off.

Our hero walks off stage, forcing an incredulous Hilton to launch into a sax instrumental. Did they arrange an in-case-Eddie- flips-his-lid backup number? Good call! Eddie marches Diane off the dance floor, and the world's most banal lovers' quarrel ensues. It's not improved by the interjections of Rick Diesel, who frantically tags along.

 


It's a floor mop! It's a moronic girlfriend! Wait, you're both right!

 

Basically, Eddie tells her to go to her room, and Diane tells him to go someplace else. Amazingly, this causes Eddie to back down and apologize, to which she responds, "You have the band to kick around. What do you need me for?" Rick, listening to this, seems to agree. But then, we know Rick likes Eddie abusing him, so it seems like the ideal relationship for all concerned. Anyway, they kiss and make up (Eddie and Diane, I mean), tender moment, tender moment, blah blah blah.

Wow, they paid Martha Quinn for two scenes, too! Diane is drawing in bed in a hotel room somewhere, and watching MQ interview Sal, who's still claiming that the mystery tape can't be Eddie. If Eddie were alive today, he says, Sal would be right there with him. Martha practically bitch-slaps him, saying lots of people disagree and showing video of "another" Satin Records-sponsored Eddie Lives party somewhere. Why does she care so much, anyway? You know, I'll bet she's got a bedroom full of Eddie Wilson lunchboxes and posters showing him in blue satin shirts open to the navel.


"Look, Martha, Duet was an okay show, really." "Well, lots of people disagree."

 
 

Anyway, Diane hurriedly clicks off the TV as Eddie emerges from the shower. He asks what she was watching, and to distract him she asks to hear "New York City Song". What, again? Not only are we getting all these songs played all the way through, but there's reruns as well? At least here it's more appropriate, since Eddie's got his ambition back. But still, we heard this one already! Sheesh.

So this is "New York City Song" performed in a towel, as advertised, so Paré can show off his jailhouse physique. But we soon cut away from our heaping helping of gateau de boeuf à la Paré to another montage of outtakes or whatever.

 


"Whooaa, I'm on fire. Mainly 'cause I benched 300 today, check it out."

 

We see the four younger members of the band playing like puppies, enjoying a snowball fight in the woods. Meanwhile, big dogs Eddie and Diane walk past and curl up on a rock by a waterfall. There's dialogue here, but at first we can't hear it, because Eddie is still singing in the hotel room, so I'll assume it's not of the plot-advancing variety. [Is any of it? —Albert] Finally, Singing Eddie fades out to let us listen in, and it turns out I was right.

Diane is supposing Eddie really enjoys life on the road, but Eddie says he still misses Jersey. Diane is understandably skeptical, prompting this amazing lionization:

Eddie: Baby, there's nowhere else in the world like the Garden State! You got miles of swamps and mountains of dumps... different colored rivers... automobile graveyards, breweries, factories, ballparks, all mixed up together. It's the best place to live.
Diane: Uh huh. Then why does the Statue of Liberty face the other way?

As someone who lived in Jersey for many, many years, I can testify to all of this, except the "best place to live" part. Suddenly, they notice someone's playing saxophone. Eddie points and we pan up to Hilton blowing away on top of a cliff [?] like he's the Greek god of waterfalls or something. Are we done killing time yet? Will we ever be?

Well, Diane had her fun at the dance, so now it's Rick's turn to provoke Eddie into apoplexy. They're in a hunting lodge mess hall somewhere, and Rick gets off a pay phone and announces that Lindsay Caputo, she of the "Montreal Spring Music Festival", is coming to their gig next week. And he's got this huge grin on his face, like he has no idea Eddie is about to explode like a Christmas present from Ted Kaczynski.

Now, it's true that thanks to Eddie's unbelievable truculence, this plot would not budge an inch if it weren't for him constantly being backed into corners. So I get that Rick has to perform this function and do the backing (failing, of course, the hiring of more talented screenwriters). But the problem is that every segment of the film has Rick blindly doing something that, in effect, kicks Eddie that much further down the plotline. This bullheadedness on Rick's part has the unfortunate side effect of making him look aggressively stupid: he's just as stubborn as Eddie, because he refuses to learn the tiniest lesson from his ongoing life with the world's most unwilling rock star. End result: Rick is becoming even more irritating than the mere sum of his personality flaws.


"Guess what, guys, I figured out a new way to make Joe blow his top! Watch this!"

 
 

So it's another round of Eddie shouting ("The festival is my call!") and the band looking sullen. Hey, it's not all snowball fights and flirting when you're in Rock Solid (hee hee hee). Rick says he wants to hit the big time, and this totally sets Eddie off. "It's about the music!" Um, chill, dude. You're lip-syncing the rock equivalent of spray cheese. I really don't think you should be acting like your Grammy is in the mail. Anyway, shouldn't being in a rock band be at least a little about having fun and the fame and the money? Rick says the whole group wants to play the festival, and Eddie starts edging into psychotic: "You're all in on this?!" Whoa, dude, no frothing in the cafeteria.

Eddie's ready to storm out, but Hilton stops him and makes a little speech about how every once in a long while a band comes along that's worth saving. True, and let me know when you find one, okay? He tells Eddie it's up to him, and the whole band stares at Eddie while he looks tortured, and I'm totally hearing the Jeopardy! theme music in my head. What will Eddie decide? I'm rooting for "no", because that way we're done here. At this point, the next thing I want to see is the words "Cast in order of appearance."

 


A scene from Soultaker II: Son of Z'Dar.

 

Alas, the journey is far from over. Eddie announces his decision: They'll find someplace isolated and practice until Eddie thinks they're ready to audition. So now they're in some rented cabin in the woods that looks like it plays host to a lot of large family reunions. (Who's paying for all this, anyway?) The group is deep in rehearsals, and Eddie is PMSing worse than ever. Once again, he demands that they get in "the pocket". I wonder if he would especially like them to get in "the hot pocket". Hot Pockets! Man, I could use a Hot Pocket right about now.

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