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Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Sybil Pandemic
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
Click to see all our shows!
the agony booth
Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives! (1989) Movie Recap Page 6 of 12
Posted by Mark "Scooter" Wilson Posted on: January 26, 2006
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Just so we don't forget the evil record company guys—who, let's face it, are having less and less impact on the plot every time we see them—we now go to Satin Records Headquarters. Reporters are swarming around Dennis Miller Guy and Mafia Used Car Salesman as they stroll through the lobby, dropping hints about Eddie having been seen in twelve states—and Paris, France! A nebbish reporter demands to know how long they're going to keep up this "scam", which gets him angrily pushed out of the elevator (but alas, not down the shaft). Once they're alone, Dennis Miller asks Mafia Used Car Guy the same question. The response? "As long as we've got records to sell!" Bwhahaha!

Caption contributed by Mark
"Mr. Eisen, do you deny that the record company plot is hopelessly contrived and pointless?" "No comment."


And now it's time for the gallery opening. Eddie saunters in wearing jeans and a leather jacket, earning him reproachful looks from the cream of Montreal society. Ha ha, the juxtaposition of the working class and the well-to-do is so funny! And the best part is, it's never been done before!

The article continues after this advertisement...

A spry dowager in a red dress saunters up to him. "Do you paint?" she asks. Eddie nods. "Buildings." Okay, I concede that was worth half a snicker. And not that this has anything to do with anything, but I've just now realized we're in some kind of alternate universe Montreal where no one speaks French. Weird. We also notice during this section that Diane's oeuvre seems to consist entirely of color-tinted horses' heads [?].


Caption contributed by Mark
Wait, she's sneering at his outfit?


Eddie now discovers a portrait of himself painted by Diane. I guess she's trying to branch out into other portions of equine anatomy. Of course, the existence of the painting and Eddie's discovery of it at this point were both stultifyingly predictable. But what I didn't expect is that the painting, which is in all bloody reds and blacks, perfectly captures the style and tone of the painting of the Master in "Manos" the Hands of Fate. Seriously, all that's missing is a demonic Doberman.

Caption contributed by Mark
Freddy Mercury lives!


Nonetheless, Eddie, who never passes up a chance to be self-obsessive, is immediately captivated. He removes it from its easel and takes it to go find Diane. When he sees her, she's being berated by a Kevin Nealon-looking guy, who's the curator (I guess), because she's only sold two paintings in the half hour or whatever her show has been going on. That's right, this is a volume business! Push 'em out the door! Quantity discount if you buy ten or more! And if you guessed Eddie booms out "Make dat tree!" you get a cookie. (Eddie's Jersey accent gets thicker around fancy people, I think.) Diane, by the way, has scored an interesting double-play in this scene: both her outfit and her new hairdo can best be characterized by the word "meringue".

Now here's where things take a turn for the creepy, and I mean decidedly creepier than Eddie's unmotivated memorization of the beverage preferences of saxophone players. So. Already we've had both Rick and Diane become so fascinated with Eddie, after barely meeting him, that they track him down at his workplace and favorite bar, respectively. Okay, I'll buy that; to have become a rock star, Eddie would have to be pretty charismatic. Not that we've seen any real evidence of this, but I'm at least willing to accept it as an Informed Attribute.

But now, as Diane runs out of the gallery, with Eddie trotting behind her still carrying his Early Manos Style painting, we see that Rick has pulled up across the street in his van and he's just sitting there, staring at Eddie [!!]. (He looks five years older, too, because his previously spikey hair is now brushed back. So it feels like he's Future Rick come back to change history and destroy Eddie Wilson before it's too late. Having seen the band perform later in the film, I can confirm that this is a plausible storyline.)

Now think about what's brought Rick to this moment. He inserted himself into Eddie's life at the bar and totally got reamed. He showed up at Eddie's job and got a jam session out of it, during which Eddie displayed utter contempt for his approach to playing guitar. So now, Rick has taken to following Eddie around because he's desperate, one assumes, for Round Three.


Caption contributed by Mark
Stalk much?


He's had no contact with Eddie since the jam session, and I guarantee you Eddie's not the type to chitchat about his upcoming dates, which must mean Rick has been following Eddie since he left work that day. Except that doesn't make sense, because Rick actually pulled up outside the gallery and switched off his engine just before Eddie walked out—which is clearly some time after Eddie got there. So either (a) Rick didn't follow him there, but nonetheless had some kind of inside knowledge of Eddie's plans and movements (maybe he had Eddie Lo-Jacked?), or (b) he followed him to the gallery, figured he'd be a while, drove down to the 7-Eleven for a Slurpee or something, and then came back. Either way, I'm thinking Rick has passed beyond "Hey, you play great guitar, I want you in my band." I think Rick is starting to reveal the kind of obsessive personality about which Hannibal Lecter would have been able to give Clarisse a great deal of helpful advice.

Meanwhile, Diane says her career is ruined because her first show bombed (the fact that her paintings suck should also put a crimp in things). Eddie charms her into his blahmobile and soon they're pulling up outside a roller rink [!]. Diane demands to know why he hasn't taken her home, and Eddie's like, "Don't you want to go roller skating?" She says she doesn't know how to roller skate. Eddie admits that he doesn't, either, and by this process, they agree to go roller skating.

Naturally, before they've gotten ten feet onto the rink she's fallen on her ass, dragging him down with her, and I'm trying really hard not to read anything prophetic into that. A little girl literally runs rings around them making nyaah-nyaah motions with her hands, and Eddie gallantly offers to beat her up. Charming. Anyway, they clamber awkwardly to their feet, Diane claiming that she'll never be able to skate properly, to which Eddie replies, "Just follow the flow of my legs, dear." [?] Eddie says this in a stilted way, as if it's got quote marks around it, but if it's a reference to some other movie, I'm stumped. Wait, didn't Bette Davis say that in Beyond the Forest?

Caption contributed by Mark
Diane failed to notice when she left the house that she was dressed entirely in scarves.


Well, Eddie and Diane are discovering what countless movie couples already know, which is that Cheap Dates Work. Roller rinks are number three on the list of Most Successful Cheap Dates, after hot-dog stands and walks on the beach.

But because it's been all of five minutes since Eddie has been reminded that he can't escape his past (or rather, the machinations of this retarded plot), we cut to the roller rink's deejay. He takes a moment to rub the head of one of his technicians [?] before telling the skaters he's got "some exciting music" for them. Yes, "right here at Bobby's Rink" there's going to be a preview of the Mystery Tape from the great Eddie Wilson. Wow, I can just picture the strategy meeting at Satin Records. "Where should we premiere the Mystery Tape, Lew?" "I know—roller rinks! Canadian roller rinks!"

When Eddie hears this, of course, his face falls like a soufflé. Meanwhile I'm thinking, here's a new low for the Hey! Turn on the TV! Rule: Not only is everything on TV about you, and everything on the radio about you, and even the paintings at the local art gallery for Pete's sake, but in this movie, everything at the roller rink is about you, too. What's next, Eddie goes to the UN, and Jeanne Kirkpatrick makes a speech about him? Eddie goes to the grocery store to pick up a six-pack of Genesee, only to find they're coming out with Eddie Wilson Can't Escape His Past Frozen Mozzarella Sticks? I can just imagine Eddie standing in the middle of the freezer section, shaking his fist at the gods responsible for poignant finger food.

Diane perceptively notices Eddie's change of mood once he's dragged her off the floor and started hauling his boots back on. But when she questions him, he turns into Instant Jerk and tells her to get her skates off.


Caption contributed by Mark
"I'm sensing considerable anger and frustration, Captain."


Rick picks this moment, of all moments, to again teleport into Eddie's personal space and start gushing about how Eddie was right about Rick's music missing something (try "aptitude"), and how Eddie's gotta hear the tape he made of their jam session.

Eddie yanks him aside by the lapels and tells him to get off his back, but Diane separates them before Eddie can pound the twerp's head in (booo!). Jilted lover—er, sorry, jilted guitar-playing companion Rick moans pathetically that he "just wanted to jam with you, man." And stalk you! I just wanted to jam with you and stalk you, man!

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