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Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Sybil Pandemic
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
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the agony booth
Batman & Robin (1997) Movie Recap Page 13 of 13
Posted by Dr. Winston O'Boogie Posted on: November 12, 2002
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

We see Batman and the scientists on the telescope in the middle of their ten-hour plunge. Batman fires off a Mega Platinum Super-Duper Bat Rope™ and tells the scientists to grab his belt. And then he tells them to pull his finger.

The Mega Platinum Super-Duper Bat Rope™ connects with something and Batman pulls them off just moments before the telescope hits the ground and goes up in a giant ball of flame [?]. Please don't ask me what could be inside of a telescope that would cause it to be this combustible.

Batman sets the scientists down on a ledge, then pulls himself back up towards the observatory. They call out, "Thank you, Batman!" as he flies away. Yeah, thanks for just leaving us on the damn telescope while you were aiming it. Batman swoops past Robin and Batgirl and says, "Need a ride?" They both grab onto him, and despite Batgirl's weight, Batman pulls all three of them back up to the observatory.

The article continues after this advertisement...

When they get there, it's almost midnight and the telescope is gone, so it seems like there's no way to thaw the city now. Batman says the Dues Ex Machina Satellites could be positioned to do it, but it would "take a computer genius!"

Accordingly, Batgirl gets on the case, but Robin butts in and points out that the computer is now flipped over and that "we're gonna have to do this upside down!" Batgirl sneers, "Men! Everything the hard way!" They get the computer display up and running again, but it's right side up. Um, okay. So the stupid lines don't match the props, yet they left them in anyway. Whatever.

Robin tells her that she's "Pretty good at this, little girl!" to which Batgirl retorts, "Watch and learn, little boy!" I'm sure there's a parallel universe somewhere where this passes for creative banter. She then dinks around with the computer and two seconds later has it all done. We watch as all the Dues Ex Machina Satellites in orbit reflect beams of sunlight down to Gotham.

Eventually, all the people are thawed, and we watch them just shake off the slush and move on. No frostbite, no hypothermia, not even trench foot. Damn Comic Book Movie.

Then we see the guy in the phone booth get thawed out. Oh, thank God. I can now sleep easy knowing that Phone Booth Guy survived. Then we see the cops all thawed out, but for some reason they still have really fake-looking icicles on their car doors. The icicles even bounce back and forth like rubber [!] as one cop gets out.

We then see one guy get thawed out who was apparently in the middle of buying something from a street vendor. The guy doesn't know what just happened, but the newly thawed street vendor just continues to grab at his money. Hilarious! And the money-grubbing street vendor is Asian, too! Komedy!

Caption contributed by Albert
This is not at all an ethnic stereotype.

Then we see the bulldog thaw out and just walk off [?]. Okay, I give up. Was this supposed to be funny? True comedy would have been Batman putting the frozen dog next to Freeze so that it ended up taking a leak on his head as soon as it thawed out. Now that would have been a hundred times more hilarious than anything in this movie.

Our three heroes smile upon this golden tableau for a while, and then Batman goes over to the subdued Freeze. He tells him he's going back to Arkham, but Freeze asks to be killed the way Batman killed his wife. Batman says he didn't kill Nora Fries, and as proof, he pulls out a mini Bat TV showing Ivy saying her line about pulling the plug on lady Fries. Oddly, it's from the same angle that we saw it happen, and not from way up above, which is where Batman was when she said it. Whatever. Comic Book Movie. Et cetera.

Upon seeing this, Freeze howls in anger, and poor Arnie is actually forced to act here. It's not a pretty picture. However, Batman reveals that they conveniently saved his wife and she's still "frozen, alive".

Caption contributed by Albert
I repeat: It's not a pretty picture.

"But vengeance isn't power," Batman lectures. "Anyone can take a life. But to give life, that's true power!" And knowing is half the battle! Batman pleads to Freeze's inner scientist, calling him "Victor" and asking for the cure to MacGregor's Syndrome Stage 1. Batman fronts like he's just looking to save the lives of random MacGregor's sufferers, but we know he's just trying to hook up his boy Alfred.

In response, Freeze opens up a compartment in the arm of his suit and pulls out two blue, glowing test tubes. So, the Day-Glo Skulls in Ivy's hideout were drinking the cure for MacGregor's? "Tek two uff dese," Freeze says, "An cawl meh inneh mohning!" Batman takes the serum and promises to have Nora Fries moved to Arkham so Freeze can continue his "research" there. Geez, first we let prisoners have HBO, now this?

We then cut to Bruce connecting one of the blue test tubes to Alfred's IV drip. Please don't ask me how. Then a blue light is reflected right into Alfred face, which is meant to represent him being "cured", I guess. Bruce tells Dick and Barbara that all they can do now is wait. For a couple of scenes, at least.

Back at Arkham, we find Poison Ivy, now the Prison Bitch all done up in black and white stripes as she picks the petals off a flower. She recites "He loves me, he loves me not," then eats a petal [?] and says, "He loves me..."

Freeze's voice suddenly booms, "Not!" In the shadows, he lights up his cryo-suit, which does come close to actually looking menacing. Alas, too little, too late. He tells her that he's now her cellmate. Wow! A co-ed jail! I've always thought that would be a great idea. But why did they let him keep his suit this time?

He says, "I've come to make your life a living hell!" He's going to keep trying to act, I guess. Ivy's face glows blue as she grows terrified. Or sleepy. At this point it could go either way, really.

It's dawn the next day at Wayne Manor, and we see that Bruce has been waiting up all night. Alfred walks in and clears his throat, and Dick and Barbara instantly wake up and run to him. Alfred finally gets his own opportunity to make a dumb wisecrack, pretending to be grumpy and saying something about how the place is just a big mess now. Is Alfred always this OCD, or what? Come to think of it, maybe him having MacGregor's wasn't so bad after all.

Caption contributed by Albert
"In my day, we didn't have any of this new fangled freezing technology! And we liked it!"

He smiles and they all embrace, except for Bruce, who stands near Dick and pats him on the back. See, it's time for Bruce and Dick to have a heart to heart and resolve their own stupid little subplot.

Dick asks why Bruce didn't try to save him when he fell off the telescope. Bruce says, "I figured you could handle it." Aw, isn't this touching? Or, at least, more touching than what Bruce is really thinking, which is "I hoped you would die a horrible death." Wait, that's what I'm thinking. Sorry.

"Sometimes," Bruce sermonizes, "Counting on someone else is the only way to win." And if you're not careful, you might learn something before we're done! Barbara interrupts, pointing out that she's the one who "kicked Ivy's botanical butt!". She then proceeds to repeat "That was me!" over and over again in a really irritating, smug voice.

Bruce says he's shipping her back to "Oxbridge", but Dick tells him he's "never gonna win this argument!" Which I guess means they're stuck with her now. Barbara offers forth a hand and says, "Partners?" They do a three-handed handshake and Dick and Bruce both say, "Partners." Alfred then says that "We're going to need a bigger cave!" Geez, would people stop picking on Alicia Silverstone's weight already?

Since even a retard can tell you this is a weak ending for a supposed action movie, we get one final useless shot of their three silhouettes running towards the camera with capes flapping, and the Bat Signal behind them. Fade to black.

In closing, I'd just like to point out that less than a year after audiences heard Uma Thurman's Poison Ivy voice, the FDA approved Viagra to treat male impotence. Coincidence?

(Also, please note that at no time in this recap did I belittle the Oscar that Akiva "Is your thumb the only part of you that's green?" Goldsman won for his A Beautiful Mind screenplay. This was a laudible accomplishment, and who knows, one day he might even get a lifetime acheivement award from the Academy. Just like Dino De Laurentiis.)

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