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Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Sybil Pandemic
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
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the agony booth
Batman Forever (1995) Movie Recap Page 13 of 14
Posted by Dan Laurikietis Posted on: November 17, 2008
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

Down in the remnants of the Batcave, Bruce asks Alfred if all his Batsuits have been destroyed. Alfred replies that the only functioning costume left is an untested prototype that has "sonar modifications", whatever that may mean. Bruce yanks the tarp off this untested prototype, leading to yet another suiting up sequence.

Oh yes. You know it's coming: The lingering and completely superfluous butt shot.

Caption contributed by Dan
Look at it! Look at it! Can't you just feel your sense of self eroding?

Now Batman's fully suited up. Honestly, I can understand why he's never worn this costume out in public before. It looks pretentiously retro-futuristic, it's not intimidating at all (which is supposed to be the whole point of Batman's costume), and it's just plain terrible. It's also partially silver. Silver!

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Undeterred by this costuming misstep, he gazes upon his Batwing. This is his bat-shaped aircraft, which is currently suspended impossibly from the ceiling. Upside down. It's so high up I can't even begin to guess how he'd get into the thing, much less take off without crashing it straight into the ground.

He also regards his far more modest and safer-looking Batboat, and asks Alfred if he suggests an approach by sea or by air. A voice from off screen suggests they do both. Batman turns to see an enormous codpiece coming down the stairs. This is followed shortly after by young Mr. Grayson, now in his Robin outfit.

Batman looks Robin up and down, and asks who made his costume. Alfred admits that he "took the liberty", because a costume this intricate can easily be made by an octogenarian in his spare time.

Batman spies his accomplice's logo, and asks what the "R" stands for. So... many... jokes!

Dick says he's calling himself Robin, and offers to help take down Riddler and Two Face. So for no real reason, Batman decides to reverse his stance on the whole sidekick issue. Seriously, he just makes a complete U-turn without the slightest provocation. And then he all but gives his consent to Robin murdering Two Face, saying "a man's gotta go his own way".

Fucking hell, Bruce, this isn't the Wild West! I can't believe Batman's suddenly this indifferent to cold blooded murder. I know Batman has taken lives in the previous films, but it's always been either accidental, or a kill-or-be-killed situation. But to give a vengeful young man the green light to commit murder? In what way is this making the franchise more family friendly?

Regardless, the heroes leave the Batcave in their respective bat-vehicles, off to apprehend some bad guys.

Caption contributed by Dan
Whatcha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk?

On the roof of police headquarters, Commissioner Gordon and his slow witted friend are still moping around on the roof. Because when there are two violent madmen on the loose, it's always good to stand around waiting for a freelance vigilante to show up.

Gordon mournfully says that Batman's not coming, and tells his friend to shut the signal down. Cool your jowls, Gordon, help is on the way. In a ridiculous costume! And also, a ridiculous vehicle.

Gordon hears the sound of a turbine, and a triumphant Batwing flies straight through the Bat-Signal. Gordon starts jumping up and down and shaking hands with his moronic coworker. He waves at Batman like a groupie, and cheers for him to "Go! Go! Go!"

Sickeningly, Batman gives Gordon a thumbs up. He jets off, leaving the police officers to go pig out on donuts, or play blackjack, or whatever it is policemen in Gotham City do when they're not waiting around for an outlaw to do their jobs for them.

And it seems Batman and Robin are the only people smart enough to follow the trail of green mist in the air (which I guess is visible, after all) to the Riddler's hideout. Both the bat-vehicles close in on Nygma's base, which is on a place called "Claw Island". And the base is hardly inconspicuous, seeing how it's 500 feet tall and glowing green.

I must say, it's remarkably convenient that a supervillain was able to find and purchase an island as insidiously named as Claw Island. And so close to Gotham, too. Any subsequent supervillains will have to make do with building their bases on Gumdrop Island, or Fluffy Bunny Atoll.

And by the way, Edward Nygma's criminal hideout appears to also be his "Box" factory. So his legitimate business concerns and his nefarious deeds were all being planned in the same building. Apparently, nobody told Ed the rule about not shitting where you eat.

Inside the stronghold, Riddler and Two Face are somehow alerted to Batman and Robin's presence. So, what better time to test the hideout's preposterously elaborate defense systems?

The two sit on opposite sides of a game of Battleship, placing model Batwings and Batboats (purchased God knows where) on a glass grid. Somehow, this releases mines in the water that explode around the Batboat. It's not so much clever, as it is preposterous and overly elaborate.

It seems to work, though. Within minutes, Robin's Batboat has been blown out of the water. He ejects with a wail of, "Aww, maan! Bruce is gonna kill me!" I'm joking, of course. That's the one teen cliché this movie will spare us.

Back at the base, Riddler throws up his hands in mock outrage and says, "Aaagh! You've sunk my battleship!" That's not a witty one-liner. That's a description of what just happened.

Batman, flying over the blazing wreck of the Batboat, looks vaguely concerned. Though, whether it's concern over Robin, or over his expensive boat is anyone's guess. Underwater, Robin detaches from his ejector seat, and it seems he's pulled a rebreather out of thin air.

And now that I see him in silhouette, his codpiece is so disproportionately massive that he looks like a starfish. Advancing on him is a group of scuba thugs. Or passing marine biologists. Either way, they're in for an indiscriminate vigilante beating.

Caption contributed by Dan
Robin's attempt to replicate the cover to Nevermind was poorly timed, to say the least.

Batman's still hovering in the Batwing, wondering whether or not to pull his finger out, when the Riddler pushes a button that's about to make Brucie's decision for him. An enormous shaft of green light lances from the base, and we find out here that the base is shaped like a giant version of Nygma's Box, of all things. The green light strikes the Batwing and sends it tumbling. Because... green light is harmful to small aircraft?

The Batwing hits the surface of the water and reaches Robin, who's getting his rubber clad behind handed to him by scuba thugs. Batman pulls a lever marked "disengage" and the Batwing's wings drop off, turning the aircraft into a submersible. Yes, Thunderbirds are go!

Then, and I can't for the life of me figure out how or why, Batman fires himself out of the newly formed Bat-sub like a human torpedo. Surely, such a measure would flood and depressurize the vehicle, rendering it utterly useless, right? If that's the case, how on God's green earth do the Dysfunctional Duo ever hope to get back home?

So Torpedoman goes hurtling into the human miasma of scuba thugs and inept crime fighter, and fishes Robin out. And then he fires a giant net at the bad guys, which he attaches to a floating buoy. So the thugs will presumably experience a thoroughly unpleasant death by either asphyxiation or drowning. Again, way to lighten up the series, Joel!

Batman and Robin swim to Claw Island. They climb maybe four or five yards, when Robin starts beating on the scenery. He declares the following.

Robin: Holy rusted metal, Batman!

Now that's how you shoehorn a redundant cultural reference into an already flabby, wheezing script. Batman is confused by this, so Robin clarifies that the ground is "all metal and it's full of holes, you know? Holey!"

That Akiva, he's a card! Too lazy to even conform to the flimsy logic of his own script. Seriously, what in the blistering blue fuck would be the point of telling the world's greatest detective what the ground is made out of?

Any more nuggets of observational genius for us, Robin? Maybe next up is "Holy oxygen rich atmosphere, Batman!" or perhaps even, "Holy two parts hydrogen to one part oxygen, Batman!"

Whatever. Let's move along to "Holy uninspired and generic third act showdown!"

The whole island suddenly starts moving, prompting Robin to tell Batman, "The whole island's moving!" Dick, he's right there with you. Enough with the redundant observations. Batman yells at Robin to stay put, but the little dumbass has become like a willful Alsatian puppy, and he wanders off on his own.

Then the piece of rock that Dick happens to be standing on rises on a hydraulic pedestal, and shoots up 200 feet in the air. What a marvel of form and function this island is.

What possible use could this giant rock/metal shaft have? Other than separating vengeful crime fighters, of course.

Batman fires a grappling hook at the rising landmass, but it glances off the rock. I guess the magic grappling hooks are in his other suit. But Batman needn't be downhearted, because the giant metal cylinder actually has a door in it. And the door has an enormous question mark for a handle. Fortuitous, eh?

So I guess Bruce isn't the only one who needs a bit of schooling on how to keep secret identities. Did Ed really think it would be wise to incorporate the motif of a local question mark-themed villain into his factory?

Batman makes his way into the enormous metal shaft (you've reduced me to this, Schumacher!), and what he finds inside is so stupid I can barely put it into words.

There are question marks everywhere. Thousands of them. They span the entire length of the vertical tunnel, and as if that weren't incriminating enough, there are gobos projecting them onto the walls. Who the hell did Ed subcontract to build this place? Those people have to be either monumentally stupid, or very good at keeping secrets. Maybe they're the same guys who dug Bruce's underground tunnel from Wayne Enterprises to the Batcave.

Back up top, Robin's scrambling around on his nugget of floating rock. And there's so much obnoxious green light up here, it's a miracle he doesn't stumble blindly off the edge. Suddenly, Two Face leaps over to Robin. What? Can Two Face fly now? How the heck did he get up here?

He asks Robin, "Looking for us?" I don't know if that's supposed to be funny, but since Robin clearly was looking for him, the whole thing's moot anyway.

Robin proceeds to attack Two Face with a few high spinning kicks. Which is exactly the fighting technique I'd choose on uneven terrain, hundreds of feet in the air, in windy conditions. Nonetheless, Two Face gets his middle-aged crybaby ass handed to him. He slides off the rock face, dangling on the edge of the rock nugget.

Back inside, Batman's scrambling to the top of the giant shaft (that's the last phallic joke, I promise). He hears gears whirring and notices that, en homage to the '60s TV show, a giant circular iron lattice is descending from the ceiling.

Would it be redundant to point out that the ceiling is bedecked with glowing green question marks?

It turns out the giant iron lattice is lined with barbed knives. Batman looks below to see that his only alternative involves a long fall onto some decidedly jagged rocks. The agony of choice, eh, Bruce?

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