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Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Sybil Pandemic
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
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the agony booth
Armageddon (1998) Movie Recap Page 5 of 13
Posted by Team Agony Booth Posted on: November 25, 2003
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Scary General is less than happy with Harry's team. He tells Truman, "If you're trying to make me feel better about the scenario, give it up!"

Billy Bob is encouraged, noting that Chick was an Air Force commando for seven years. Scary General takes a different approach, reading off a list of the team's crimes. "Robbery, assault, resisting arrest!" He mentions one is a collector for the mob, and a few of the team have done "serious time". Oh come on, it's just the earth. What's he getting so hung up about?

Truman offers the wan excuse of "they're the best at what they do." Scary General speaks for all of us when he says, "The Fate Of The Planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun!" Mmmm... potatoes... Oh, sorry. This movie.

The article continues after this advertisement...

We see the Retards leaning on a second-floor railing as Harry makes his entrance. He tells Truman the team is a go, but "they've made a few requests." A Sienfeldian bass cello plays underneath the scene as Harry nervously shuffles some papers. He begins, "Oscar has some outstanding parking tickets he wants wiped off his record." Oscar jumps in with "Fifty-six parking tickets!" Then all the other guys each have their own allegedly humorous requests, but I'll spare you the details. Truman responds that they can take care of some of that.

Steve "Why is Donny being so unfunny, Mommy?" Buscemi worriedly calls out, "Harry!" Harry waves Rockhound off and says there's one more request. Could this be the punch line? Hoo boy, I don't think my sides (or my stomach) can take much more.

"Yeah, one more thing," Harry says. "Uh, none of them want to pay taxes again. Ever." Okay, I know we're supposed to yuk it up at this band of common-folk ruffians sticking it to the Establishment, but I find it incredibly skeevy that in our planet's hour of need, they're more concerned with themselves than getting down to business.

Anyway, time for all the medical examinations. More gasp Comic gasp Relief! Why, I must be the luckiest recapper in the world. Or cursed by Gypsies. Either way works, really.

A doctor plays with a harpoon-sized needle in front of a nervous Max. "Who's that for, Mr. Ed? You stick me with that thing, I'm going to stab you in the heart with it! You ever see Pulp Fiction?" Yes Max, please remind us of all the exponentially better Bruce Willis films we could be watching right now.

Film School Lesson Number Two: Never, EVER reference an Academy Award nominated film in your crappy movie.


The guys get rectal examinations (or something) from a doctor, and the doctor is played by former SNL regular Ellen Cleghorn, which should give you an idea of how amusing this part is.

In another examination room, a doctor is explaining to Bear how "shockingly bad" his cholesterol is. This prompts Bear to stand, rip off his hospital gown, and shake his groove thing in a pair of tiny tiger print briefs. He even pulls down one side of them saucily. (I'm definitely going with the cursed by Gypsies theory.)

You know, the doctors should have known better. Jive-Talkin' Brothers don't care about the long-term effects their diets may have on their health, they just want to dance, dance, dance!

"Hey, if Joe Don Baker can do a nude scene, why not me?"


Then it's on to psych evaluations. The scene cuts between all the team's interviews, and hammers in all the traits that supposedly make the characters real people, instead of shrill, warmed-over clichés.

In a stainless steel room with gravy boats attached to the walls, Rockhound completes a Rubik's Cube, then explains he has a doctorate from MIT and once taught at Princeton. Meanwhile, a doctor starts a desktop kinetic ball display, and Chick is transfixed by it. He admits, "You know, I think this might be the most uncomfortable room I've ever been in in my life."

Meanwhile, Oscar makes an odd reference to Jethro Tull. Meanwhile, Max describes the recipe for haggis. Meanwhile, Bear cries and asks for a hug. So far, all their attempts at "quirky" have ended up "freaking confusing".

But there's more! We see AJ only wants Harry's approval, Rockhound is horny, Chick could crack at any moment, blah blah blah, every space travel movie made in the last twenty years. Humanity's saviors, ladies and gentlemen. I do believe I'd slit my wrists at this point.

"I'm gonna knock you out, HUH! Momma said knock you out, HUH!"


Truman and Harry meet with a doctor looking over the test results, and of course our "heroes" have failed every single one of their medical exams. Yet, somehow, they get approved by NASA anyway. They even insert a shot here of someone bringing down a big rubber stamp that says "NASA Approved" on Rockhound's manila folder. Hope that wasn't too subtle for you.

All the men, now wearing NASA flight suits, walk side by side towards a hangar. Inside the hangar, an astronaut named Col. Willie Sharp (heh, heh) shares my sentiments as he sees them approach: "Talk about the wrong stuff." You have no idea, sir. You have no idea.

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