Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
The Bunny Perspective!
Hosted by: Phil Buni
Media reviews and analysis by a pot smoking, puppet bunny. Do you like weird-but-great underground films? Hate Glee, Gigli, and other Hollywood garbage? The Bunny Perspective offers a blend of humorously angry negative reviews, and honest praise of underground movies and TV. We talk about films, TV, anime, and animation. We are the Cult of the Bunny, and you too can be a Cultist. #CultoftheBunny
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Cheap-Arse Film Review
Hosted by: Liam Barrett
It's the Cheap-Arse Film Review, where a young(ish) man finds out if it's possible to live the life of a cinephile super-nerd on the strictest budget possible. Inspired by growing up in the wilds of Essex, England (that's only partially a joke, by the way) and the current harsh economic times, Liam only reviews DVD that can be purchased for £1.00p or less!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The DVD Shelf
Hosted by: David Rose
Life is short, so skip the bad movies and let your host David Rose reveal, review, and recommend the ones you should have on your own DVD shelf. The DVD Shelf is a film-lover's safe haven to bask in the warm glow of cult favorites, over-looked cinematic gems, rediscovered classics, and downright fun flicks on both DVD and Blu-ray.
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Solkir
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
Joshua the Anarchist
Hosted by: Joshua Bell
Charged with the crime of liking Batman & Robin, Joshua the Anarchist has been declared insane and committed to Arkham Asylum. Locked away in a padded cell, he'll endure movie after movie as doctors attempt to "treat" him. He may not have gone in a madman, but he soon will be.
Minority Report Reviews
Hosted by: Tom Marriott
Minority Report Reviews is where often slated or just plain forgotten films and TV shows come for an ego boost. Focusing primarily on unloved sequels, your host Tom Marriott takes questions from the general public to showcase the positives in these films. Love it or hate it, this is the show where you can have your say and see a guilty pleasure defended by the host with the most... strange tastes.
Movie Dorkness
Hosted by: Sofie Liv
It's the show formerly known as Red Suitcase Adventues! Join Sofie Liv, a nice Dane (who may not be as negative as everyone else!) as she dissects pop culture phenomena to explore both the good and bad in popular films.
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Mystery Madness
Hosted by: Full of Questions
Mysteries are awesome! And who's better suited to examine the wonderful, the terrible, and the adequate of the movie mystery genre than a teenager with nerdy glasses and substandard editing software? ...Many people, probably, but enjoy the show anyway!
PGSM Summaries
Hosted by: Nycea
Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (PGSM for short) is a hilarious live-action retelling of the Sailor Moon story. On this show, your host Nycea summarizes and riffs on this gloriously bad series—one episode at a time.
The Porn Critic
Hosted by: Porn Critic
Comedy reviews of the worst and most bizarre adult films available, by a character called the Porn Critic, who tends to focus on the acting bits rather than the actual sex! Who knew continuity errors and bad dialogue could lead to chronic flaccidity?
Reel vs. Reel
Hosted by: Animated Heroine
Animation isn't just for kids; it's also for adults who never learned how to grow up. In Reel vs. Reel, the Animated Heroine looks at two similar animated films to see which one comes out on top and why. Her love for good animated films is only matched by her cynicism towards the bad ones.
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
the agony booth
3000 Miles to Graceland (2001) Movie Recap Page 7 of 8
Posted by Ed Harris Posted on: December 15, 2003
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Michael gets his Caddy back, and in a shot that is so blatantly ripped off from Pulp Fiction it makes me wonder if the director has ever had an original idea in his life, Michael opens the trunk and finds Cybil still alive. She is bound and—best of all—gagged. Thankfully, Michael gives me a brief glimmer of hope by silently slamming the trunk closed on her. Now, if he could just find a deep river, my life would be complete.

I'm sure some of you are wondering why I don't question the fact that the cops didn't already search the trunk and find Cybil. To that, I say refer to my earlier stuttering analogy. That, or you could just infer the cops did find her and decided to just leave her there. Actually, the second thought is a rather nice one, to tell you the truth.


Pulp what? Quentin who? Never heard of it!

 
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Michael gets back in the car, and in a subtle, sensitive manner, reports the news of Cybil's status as an oxygen breather to Jesse.

Michael: I got good news and bad news. The good news is your mom is in the trunk.
Jesse: What's the bad news?
Michael: She's alive.

We abruptly cut to a miscellaneous field, where Michael lets Cybil out of the trunk. There's the standard soppy reunion between mother and son, though the kid should be rightly pissed off by now at being left behind.

Happily, Michael tears Cybil a new one for this and then some. He calls her basically everything I've already said, only tossing in a bit more profanity, and finishing off with slamming her for leaving her child with a stranger. Cybil fires back with the lame retort that she didn't leave Jesse with a stranger, "I left him with you!"

Um, Cybil? Generally speaking, having a couple of quick humps with somebody and a cup of coffee don't really equate with "knowing" that person.

Remarkably, the director reveals that even he doesn't know how he wants us to feel about Cybil, because she then confesses she ripped off Michael and palmed Jesse off on him because she was afraid Michael wouldn't stay. Alright, that makes about as much sense as anything else in the film (i.e., none). I'm realizing this movie is probably the first in history where the most likable character is the psychopathic Elvis fan who kills people randomly.

Anyway, they decide to switch cars, and in an appalling moment, the classic Caddy goes into a river. This is appalling because Cybil and Jesse aren't locked in the trunk.

We cut to the police station in Nevada as Damitry and Quigley discover that Murphy has turned up in Boise. Naturally, there's a jarring cut to Murphy hitchhiking at night on the highway, eventually to be picked up by an old guy who's a huge fan of the Walla Walla Wombats.

If this is a real team, let me say two things. And please, if you're a fan, take them in the humorous spirit in which they're intended. First off, your mascot sucks. Second, you really should consider suing the filmmakers for making your fans out to be as nutty as this old guy.


Murphy finally locates the one man on earth dressed worse than he is.

 

We go from Wacky Wombat World to a motor court, where there's more flash cuts of our Heroic Trio entering and putting the money in a suitcase. Meanwhile, my eyeballs explode, causing the veins in my head to erupt. Okay, maybe not that last part, but it was pretty damn close, I tell you. Damn close.

We're then treated to a montage that consists solely of the three characters looking at each other. Yep, that's it. No dialogue, no story progression, nothing. Just pure dead silence.

Note to Mr. Lichtenstein: Ingmar Bergman could get away with this because he was Ingmar Bergman.


Kurt Russell thinks, "This film is a hunka, hunka burnin' crap."

 


Cybil listens to the voices in her head. Today, they're exchanging casserole recipes.

 


"Hmm, how can I be even more unlikable?"

 

From this riveting bit of cinema, it's back to the Boise police station as our two rugged deputy marshals head towards the entrance. Inside, the sheriff apologizes for letting Murphy go, while Quigley has a blank, mildly psychotic look in his eyes. He insults the sheriff, gets a positive ID on Murphy, and walks over to a map with Damitry where this exchange occurs.

Damitry: So, what are you thinking?
Quigley: I'm thinking it's at least three thousand miles to Graceland, so I want to catch this asshole before he jumps the border to Canada.

Okay, what? That's a new take on geography for me. You heard it right here, folks. If I'm deciphering this dialogue correctly, the way to get to Graceland these days is to go through Canada. Would that be the overland route there, Demian? What happened, bud? Did the same guy who taught you the birds and the bees also throw in a geography lesson before going back to trying to hump his own leg?

Jesus! This film is dumb in ways that haven't even been charted yet!

We rejoin Murphy and Wacky Wombat Guy as they encounter a police roadblock. After a bit of back and forth, Murphy throws the old guy in back of the van. He either kills him, or judging by the way the van is seen rocking back and forth, dry humps him to death.

In a shot that must make Kevin Costner pray the guy who talked him into this film would die a horrible death, Murphy pops back up dressed in the old guy's getup. Also, a little later we'll see he's put on the guy's face paint [??]. Mind you, this happens in all of roughly ten seconds, which means Murphy might actually be a T-1000. Sorry, but thinking of better movies helps soothe the pain of this one. Anyhow, Murphy bluffs his way through the roadblock by being thoroughly loud and obnoxious.


"Ah hell, I didn't need that dignity or self respect, anyway!"

 

There's even more headache-inducing flash cuts (people with epilepsy must love this goddamn film) as the Heroic Trio exit the motor court. A taxi waits and Michael reveals he's going to sail away on his boat anchored at Mt. Vernon.

Cybil gives him the money, and all of a sudden wants to marry him. Oh geez, just make this short. Dear God, just make it short. They get into an annoying psychobabble-filled argument about how it's not Cybil that Michael is afraid to trust, but himself. Actually, Cybil, I'd say it's really you he can't trust. Sorry, babe. Well, not "sorry" in the literal sense. More like "sorry" that I had to watch Courteney Cox-Arquette emote.

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