ProFlowers And ‘The Bachelor’ Have Some Seriously Classy Shizz For Your V-Day Boning

Fuckin classy yo

Fuckin classy yo

Do you love watching white people* do whatever it is they do on “The Bachelor”? Are you tacky as shit? Then ProFlowers and Warner Bros.’ “The Bachelor Rose Ceremony of Sadness Bouquet” is the perfect Valentine’s gift to show your Significant Other — your mom we guess? — that she raised a sparkly “gem”** of a man.

Here, let’s have some press release!

Fans of the show and of this season’s Bachelor, Juan Pablo, can now experience a piece of the romance with the Bachelor Bouquet. Inspired by the series’ iconic rose ceremony seen at the end of each episode, the bouquet is made up of 24 long-stemmed red roses and features five sparkling rhinestones nestled throughout to add a touch of glamour. ProFlowers’ freshness guarantees that recipients of the bouquet can enjoy their own red roses for at least seven days.

*”The Bachelor,” following an awesome lawsuit first broken by Happy’s sister site, TerribleNewsforTerriblePeople.com, apparently has its first “minority” Bachelor in this dude, Juan Pablo, “an American-born Venezuelan former professional football player.” Not to get all Grad School Race Seminar at ya, since Rule Number One in Grad School Race Seminar is “there is no such thing as race,” but we are going to go with “that dude looks white as fuck.” Your thoughts in the comments!

Whiter than Jesus.

Whiter than Jesus.

**Rhinestones not an actual gem.

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  • Ambignostic

    Also, he claims he loves dancing but I saw him attempting to dance (with some dude (EDIT: it was with last year’s bachelor, what’s-his-name!)) and he does not impress. How can you call yourself a Latin American Hunk if you can’t dance? D’Angelo is sexier than you, Juan, and he was like 13.

  • msanthropesmr

    Nothing says class like rhinestones.Except maybe panty roses….