Sextorting Billionaires Will Probably Not Make You Rich Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, Will Get You FBI Visit
So you got your girlfriend to let you take nekkid pictures of her, of course. So far so normal. But if you are Douglas Tarlow, whose nekkid pix were of Nina Khosla, daughter of Vinod Khosla, batrillionaire founder of Sun Microsystems, you apparently stash those pix away for later sextortion attempts.
Big mistake. Big. Huge.
It seems impossible that it wouldn’t have occurred to young Mr. Tarlow that trying to extort a mega-rich dude would just result in the FBI showing up at your place to bodyslam you, but apparently it did not! But it does not sound like Tarlow was the sharpest tool in the shed — or even a moderately nice human being — all along.
Though their relationship had ended months earlier, Khosla recommended Tarlow for a job with a nonprofit education foundation run by her mother Neeru. […] Neeru Khosla told investigators that she “wanted to help Tarlow because he had been close to their family,” according to the FBI affidavit, which noted that Tarlow had been promised a $125,000 salary to work at the CK-12 Foundation.
After about seven months at the organization, Tarlow was fired in February 2012. Neeru Khosla told the FBI that following Tarlow’s termination he “talked about guns to other employees who expressed that they did not feel safe.” As a result, Khosla hired a private security company to guard the foundation’s Palo Alto office “out of concern for the safety of her employees.”
People get to fire you when you are the type of person who makes other employees feel unsafe, particularly where firearms are involved. Actually, people get to fire you for no fucking reason at all in most cases. But this didn’t sit well with Tarlow.
Over the next several months, Tarlow sent text and e-mail messages to Neeru Khosla complaining that he had been unfairly treated, and that she “owed him money from his tenure at the company,” according to the FBI affidavit.
In September 2012, Nina and Neeru Khosla each received a series of texts from Tarlow’s phone number. The messages included several naked photos of Nina Khosla taken during the period she dated Tarlow. One text to Nina asked, “shall I call you Paris?” Another text warned, “expect to see those online in 24 hours. fuck you.”
Call us crazy, but that does not seem like the best way to try to get a severance package or a settlement, but we have never worked for a vanity nonprofit run by a billionaire with money to burn and we are not really naked picture extortion-minded.
Perhaps Tarlow took a page from the playbook of master sextortionist Adam Savader, erstwhile Paul Ryan intern who went big by harassing 15 different ladies and threatening to send nude pix to their moms or friends or enemies or whatevs. Oh, and also too masturbating on/to them, of course. Such a nice guy!
Unfortunately, our significant others keep demanding we delete the sexxxy photos from our cameras the second we take them, so we will not be able to pursue any harebrained extortion schemes. Life is pain.