Common New Year’s Resolutions Our Favorite TV Characters Should Steal

New Year’s Eve is this Thursday, December 31st and it’s fast approaching. I’m sure you are all looking forward to the big celebrations (and the big hangovers) that the last/first holiday of the year will bring–and to making your New Year’s resolutions. It’s a chance to start fresh and become better people than the previous year.

Or, at the very least, less terrible people.

Even Satan became a kinder person in 2012’s Wreck-It Ralph.

Last year, it was reported that 16% of the U.S. population declined to make any New Year’s resolutions but some of our favorite TV characters should seriously consider some self-improvement this year.

 

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Character: Annalise Keating

Show: How To Get Away With Murder

New Year’s Resolution: Be More Honest

Yes, Annalise makes her career of an Morally Ambiguous Lawyer by doing morally ambiguous things, but since she has so many henchmen and interns, it would benefit her to be a little more transparent about her shady dealings. For example, instead of admitting that Bonnie killed Goth Girl, Annalise laid down false trails and decoy trunks in warehouses to keep Wes and the other nosy ANTLs from asking too many questions. Unfortunately, Wes refused to give up on finding out on what happened to his lost lady love, which forced Annalise to continue spinning more lies. When her tangled web of deceit was finally unraveled, it’s no surprise that Wes shot her in the stomach at the Hapstell mansion instead of just the leg.

As Annalise hangs onto her life support, hopefully this experience has taught Annalise that sometimes, honesty is the best policy.

Common New Year's Resolutions Our Favorite TV Characters Should Steal

Character: Carrie Mathison

Show: Homeland

New Year’s Resolution: Travel More

Season 5 of Homeland opened with Carrie being retired from her CIA life and working for a private charity foundation in Berlin. At first, it seemed like maybe Carrie could enjoy living a normal life abroad in a country that didn’t have too many ethnic stereotypes to exploit, but she quickly got pulled into the spy game again. After almost single-handedly stopping a terrorist attack on Berlin and turning down Saul’s offer to rejoin the CIA, Carrie insists that she “needs to take some time off out–be a mom for awhile”. I highly doubt this will happen since Carrie (and the show) only seemed to remember that she had a daughter in the first episode of this season, but let’s say the writers do truly retire Carrie from the spy world temporarily. Personally, I think Carrie would benefit from traveling the world with her daughter and seeing the parts that aren’t filled with shady terrorist plots and are filled with normal, friendly people instead.

Bonus points if Carrie encounters people who don’t fulfill ethnic stereotypes of their respective countries.

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Character: Jane Villanueva

Show: Jane the Virgin

New Year’s Resolution: Spend More Time With Family and Friends

Okay, I know that all Jane does is spend time with her family but we haven’t seen her hang out with any of her friends in a long time. I mean, granted that the one friend Jane made in grad school turned out to be a Truman Capote wannabe who wrote a scandalous tell-all about her baby daddy’s family but Jane had friends when she waitressed at the Marbella. Whatever happened to those guys? Remember Lina (Diane Guerrero), the friend that Jane tried to throw a birthday party for? They had a minor falling out when Lina felt Jane was becoming wrapped up into her new mommy role and Jane promised to hang out with her more. Look, Diane Guerrero isn’t doing anything in between seasons of Orange is the New Black and Jane needs to talk to people who aren’t related to her and aren’t her former or current romantic partners.

Let’s schedule a girl’s night out and pray it won’t fall on the same night a baby gets kidnapped, a drug lord gets discovered, or a vindictive ex comes back into play.

Common New Year's Resolutions Our Favorite TV Characters Should Steal

Character: Kara Zor-El

Show: Supergirl

New Year’s Resolution: Get Organized

No, it’s not that Kara needs to learn how to balance her Supergirl identity with her regular civilian life. It’s the writers that need to learn how to do that–and maybe learn how to write more interesting subplots. The bulk of the winter finale culminated in a lackluster showdown between Astra and Supergirl (yawn) and dealt with Cat’s company emails being hacked (double yawn). If the writers had spent more time giving both plots greater importance, the finale would have been way more compelling. Supergirl tries to be fun and lighthearted but its cheery Pollyanna-esque tone can make it sickeningly sweet. The show doesn’t have to cram in as many tragic backstories as possible but it would be great to see characters struggle more as opposed to having everything resolved at the end of the episode.

She’s Supergirl so make her subplots super worthy, writers.

Common New Year's Resolutions Our Favorite TV Characters Should Steal

Character: Alex Parrish

Show: Quantico

New Year’s Resolution: Enjoy life to the fullest

In the winter finale, Alex had four hours to find the real bomber before being sent to federal prison. Unfortunately for her, Quantico pulled out as many twists that prevented her from solving the mystery. Simon was the bomber! No, he was framed! Elias is the bomber! No, he’s being framed too! No, he’s working with people to frame Alex! Plus, Alex and her fellow NATs had to concentrate on disabling another bomb…only for that bomb to be revealed as a decoy and the real bomb going off in the Command Center. Unless there’s a chance that the real culprit turns themselves in or the government decides that Alex is too pretty for prison, Alex should prepare to make the most of her remaining time on the outside.

On the bright side, I bet Priyanka Chopra looks great in orange.

What are your New Year’s Resolutions? Your favorite TV characters’? 

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Susan Velazquez

Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.

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  • Great point about Priyanka in orange. It’s a federal offense, right? I smell a spinoff!