Nashville Recap: Let's Watch All The Secrets And Lies Unravel
Remember last week on Nashville when Will proposed to Layla? Worst cliffhanger ever, because your heart just sunk because that can only work out awful. Let’s see what happens on this week’s episode. It can’t get worse, can it?
Rayna’s new single is kind of tanking because she signed our favorite little controversy lightning rod, Juliette, and also too because Jeff is trying to fuck her over.
Now for awkward artist meeting time with Scarlett (who is now opening for Juliette. Did we know that? We don’t remember if we knew that) and Juliette, who is still staring simperingly polite anger daggers at Rayna.
Why can’t you two crazy kids just learn to get along??
There’s super squabbling about who is blaming who and how Juliette wrecked the launch of Rayna’s single with the little stunt at the Opry but Juliette just thinks we should move past all that, dammit.
Will and bride-to-be Layla stop back at Will and Gunnar’s place for Layla to show off her ring and for Gunnar to look utterly full of consternation at the prospect of this marriage, which is exactly how we feel also too. He asks Gunnar to be his best man, because that’s not awkward for Gunnar, the repository of all Will’s gay secrets, at all.
Deacon comes home to Megan the cheaty lawyer and they are going to have dreamy country-music backed sex, it looks like.
Maddie is still pouting and secretly using her computer at the breakfast table even though she has been told not to and oh we are so bored of pouting teenager Maddie.
How many times do we need to say it: NO TEENAGERS ON OUR NIGHTTIME SOAP OPERAS.
Luke stops by Rayna’s house to talk about their upcoming performance, which we are already bored by even though we haven’t seen it, because it will have Luke Wheeler. Then we have some more Maddie pouting and some Luke-Rayna kissing and blah. Oh good lord now we are going to bring Luke’s teenage kid on the show as well. Urgh. Luke and Rayna’s kids are gonna date aren’t they, or they’re going to get all up in each other’s face on social media, because Rayna seems to have a weird Luddite fear of Twitter and selfies. Get with the times, Rayna.
Scarlett and Avery are arriving at the ginormous arena where she and Juliette are going to perform. Wait, we thought this was a little tour? Scarlett is looking super strung out because she does not like the touring or the media events and we know she is coping with PILLS PILLS PILLS.
Oh, the ginormous arena looks like it is most empty and Juliette is not happy and also too the press is totally blaming her for Rayna’s single tanking. Man, the country press is TOUGH. But Juliette is going to rock their faces off. She really says that.
Oh no. Maddie is supposed to be studying and is grounded, but she has lied about studying to go play guitar with Deacon, who she is now calling “Dad” because he is fun dad, not mean dad Teddy who makes Maddie do stupid things like “go to school” and “not lie about where she is.” SO MEAN. Of course Teddy has figured out where she is, so he comes by Deacon’s place and is the very picture of Dad Mad. We are Team Teddy in this Teddy-Maddie fight for sure. Deacon didn’t know about the grounding and he wants to still teach her music and here’s the Teddy-Deacon fight you’ve been waiting for, in which Teddy explains that Deacon is not a dad, nope nope nope, because he didn’t raise up a kid for 14 years. Boys, boys.
Teddy made a unilateral decision that Maddie can’t come to see the big show tonight, which is maybe Rayna or Deacon or both? We’ve lost track. Rayna is not happy with Teddy’s take-charge attitude on this because now she really wants to introduce her kids to Luke’s kid. Why is this suddenly so important? Oh yeah, plot development with more teenagers. That’s going to be the worst. It might even top Will-Layla worst-ness. Rayna gets her way, and Maddie gets to go to the show.
Now Luke is going is going to comfort Rayna with some sexytime and his bad tattoos.
Deacon is still mad about Teddy though, and wants to talk to Megan about it so that Megan can have awkward worry time and defend Teddy while you shout at the screen MEGAN YOU ARE A CHEATING CHEATER WITH TEDDY.
Juliette tour time, complete with Britney Spears style dancers. So we’re back to big country for Juliette?
We thought we were reinventing Juliette? Oh well. At least the arena looks somewhat populated, so that’s good, even if the song isn’t.
She comes offstage and her manager and assistant come out and gush but oh no Avery did not come see the set, because he’s off writing with Scarlett. NEW OLD TENSION EVERYBODY.
Jeff and Will are drinking some beer together, like bros. Jeff wants to know why Will suddenly got himself engaged to a one-hit wonder like Layla. That’s Jeff’s term, not ours, though we wouldn’t hesitate to use it either. Will explains how Layla is his girl and he loves no others, but Jeff keeps asking if there’s some other reason for the rush to the altar, and Will has to grit his teeth and explain how he loves drinking cold beer and marrying hot women. Jesus, Will.
Scarlett and Avery are doing some songwriting, but we don’t get to hear much of it, and then Juliette walks in to be brittle and unhappy that Avery is not coming to the afterparty because he’s going to keep working with Scarlett. Oh Avery, get a clue.
Will comes home to Gunnar just sitting and staring into space in a half-angry, half-glum sort of way. Gunnar straight up confronts Will about making Layla help Will live his lie. Gunnar tells Will that Will is indeed gay, which results in Will throwing a beer bottle and then Will and Gunnar have friend breakup and best man breakup and roommate breakup. We regret the end of that bro love but we do not blame Gunnar one bit.
It’s time to meet Luke’s son Cole, Coal? Oh, Colt. of course. Whatever. He looks like a Justin Bieber wannabe douche, and he’s even more sullen than Maddie.
He’s too cool for school. He “makes beats.” He refuses to talk to Maddie or play pinball and just puts on his enormous shitty headphones and walks away. We hate him the mostest.
Deacon has fans! Fans waiting for him! Hw will sign records! Go Deacon! Too bad you’re saddled with Cheaty McCheaterson Megan.
Layla’s here to see Will and is all tear-faced because she called her parents to give them the happy wedding news, but they’ve told her she’s just too young to get married BECAUSE SHE IS and that they will never talk to her again if she goes through with it, but Will is hell bent on this wedding because it will magically make him not gay, duh. Layla says it would be nice if they at least met her parents, but now Will thinks they should just shotgun wedding that very night, because then he will be not gay that much quicker.
Maddie and Daphne are back from seeing Deacon and are still trying to talk to Colt, the worst teenager in the world, who does not like Deacon’s music or his dad’s music because he likes good music like Skrillex and “anything with sick beats, not that you would know what that is.” The girls decide to prove him wrong by singing a capella and doing some countrified version of beatboxing and handclapping. Now Skrillex dude thinks it is dope and starts recording them or making sick beats with them or something.
Jeff is here at the show to pester Rayna and be all slimy about helping tank her single and how she’s going to fail. She just walks away from him. Good for her. We’d like Jeff to shut up forever.
Back on the Juliette tour, Scarlett would like to add a new song to her set, which is just an occasion for Juliette to remind her it is her tour, not Scarlett’s. That’s our Juliette. Making friends and spreading sunshine wherever she goes. Time for Scarlett to keep popping them pills.
Avery goes off to confront Juliette so she can yell at him too.
Meanwhile, we’re back making sick beats with teenagers, which is not what we signed on for here. Oh, except they put the song up on YouTube, which both Rayna and Luke already said was a no go. Time for more Stern Talking To Teens.
Scarlett is on stage and defies Juliette’s orders to do a song that tears it up and does her new piano-driven song instead. It’s nice, but a bit of a trifle. We are biased because we like Scarlett with guitar best, and because piano ballads can lead into Taylor Swift type territory. The crowd loves it.
Colt and Maddie are having a talk about how Parents Just Don’t Understand but she tells him her real dad totally loves her being a musician and oh good, now the Daddy Deacon news is going to be everywhere. That should go well.
Teddy shows up to take the girls home, because that was the deal – Maddie was ungrounded just to see Deacon’s set and Rayna’s, but now Deacon is going back out onstage with Luke and now it is time for Deacon and Teddy to have a fight in public and of course Rayna sides with Deacon to let the kids stay longer.
That’s soon overshadowed by the fact that Maddie has posted a video of herself singing online, billing herself as Maddie Claybourne — Deacon’s last name. This is the first Luke has heard of the Daddy Deacon Drama, and it does not go well between he and Rayna.
Luke heads out onstage with Luke and Will and Deacon for a super guitar dudebro country jam. There’s lots of leaning back and cowboy-hat-wearing.
Jeff comes by to talk to Gunnar, ostensibly to congratulate him on helping Luke Wheeler write the dudebro jam, but really to talk about how he knows Will is gay. He does the “I’m not a homophobe, but…” bit, and then worries that Will is going to be arrested in a bathroom, because that is what happens to all the gays. Also, too, he can’t invest in one of the gays, because country music. Jeff, you are truly the most reliably hateful person on this show. Jeff asks Gunnar to tell him for sure for real if Will is gay, but Gunnar covers for him and tells Jeff that Will pulls more tail than anyone, dude.
Rayna has found wayward Maddie, and she is PISSED, y’all, as would anyone be if all the family secrets just got spilled on YouTube by their rotten teenager. But Maddie wants the world to know! Rayna points out that she is trying to protect Maddie from having total strangers weigh in on her parentage and life — which is exactly what will happen! — and Maddie tears up so maybe she will take the video down, hmmmm?
Meanwhile, Luke is still dudebro jamming. How long does this go on?? Ahh, it ends when Will shoves Deacon offstage.
Now let’s hop, dizzingly, over to the OTHER concert that is happening at the exact same time but somewhere else – the Juliette and Scarlett show. Juliette is also PISSED, y’all, since Scarlett opened with the slow song that Juliette explicitly nixed AND dedicated it to Juliette, which was a nice bitchy touch. Time for Scarlett to have a meltdown about the business and begs Juliette to fire her, and Juliette declines, because, as she tells Scarlett, Scarlett has “it.” It, apparently, is raw nerve, talent, fire. We agree! More Scarlett. Less dudebro Luke Wheeler jams. WAY less teen angst.
Teddy is following Megan around to tell her about how she needs to acknowledge what happened between them was REAL. What an odd phrase. Of course it was real in that it existed, but Teddy seems to want her to admit her undying love or something. She’s yelling at him that the whole thing was a big mistake, which is of course right when Deacon walks in. Deacon thinks about punching Teddy, punches a wall instead. Probably the best move, though we’ve sort of been hoping for Teddy to get punched for two seasons now.
Shotgun wedding time! Gunnar shows up to tell Will, mid-wedding, that Jeff knows about the rumors and that he didn’t bust him and here goes the marriage.
Luke is very sad about Rayna not telling him about the Daddy Deacon thing, but then it turns into yet another conversation about how the kids should be on social media less. BO-RING. Luke says he can get past this, but he needs a minute, and she needs to talk to her family and sort everything out. Also boring.
Scarlett and Juliette are at the afterparty doing shots shots shots shots and Scarlett doesn’t want to go home. Juliette has noticed that Scarlett is probably high, but Avery does not think Scarlett does drugs, because she is Scarlett. Juliette and Avery have a heart to heart and kiss and make up.
Rayna’s trying to reach Deacon, but Deacon is packing a bag. Wait, we thought this was his house?? Megan is worried that he is going to throw everything away and yeah, he probably is. End scene.
Wait, so is this season going to end with drunken reckless Deacon just like last time? Do better, show. Prove us wrong.