VIDEO: My Little Pony: Equestria Girls (2013) Longer Review

Mendo returns from his latest long absence to follow up on his previous, short review of My Little Pony: Equestria Girls, and castratedly give into his fans’ demands to make a full review of the Damn Pony Movie. Keep an eye out for the Horror Guru, and the return of a very special friend!

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  • MichaelANovelli

    A lot of man-hours went into this. Or, horse-hours, I guess…

    • Muthsarah

      How’s your viewing queue looking? Seen my movie yet? Your taste in films is so bizarre, I had no idea what to recommend to you, but I figured, hey, this one has at least as good a chance at any.

      • MichaelANovelli

        In my DVD player as we speak. Has potential.

        • Muthsarah

          Well, don’t spoil anything, and I won’t ask again. 🙂

  • The Nightmare Rider

    Great review, although I do feel like your conclusion was a bit unclear.

    From my POV as a Brony, the movie did well to keep the characters I love from the show and at least try to expand on the continuity concepts. Mainly that Twilight is now a Princess of Friendship, so she is put in a situation where she can’t use her magic and must rely on her friendship making skills to resolve a situation and reclaim her crown. It’s power through unity against devide and conquor tactics.

    The problem is that the story along with these concepts felt kind of half arsed. The movie was too short and troubled with allot of pacing issues so that any conflict was more talked about than actually effected. Again, I see what the MLP team were TRYING to do with this, but the end result wasn’t that great. Flash Sentry especially was a HUGE waste of time as you could replace all his lines and presence in the movie with Rainbow Dash and it’d actually make more sense. (Rainbow Dash’s element of harmony is loyalty, so she could smell a rat when Twilight was accused of wrecking the gymn).

    Overall, I’d probobly give this movie a generous C+. It’s not awful, but it’s not great either. I give credit where credit is due, but the fact that someone who is not a brony can see many of the glaring narrative flaws says allot. Still, at least it’s not the leveles of bad that it would be Nostalgia Critic worthy of reviewing.

    • MichaelANovelli

      Yeah, the movie would have been a lot better if it had taken some time to breathe. Not that it was all fast paced, all the time, just that they seemed to be more concerned with trying to cram as much plot as possible into as short a span of time as they could…

  • Sofie Liv

    You’re just jalouse that every-body adores me.

    • MichaelANovelli

      And you’re jealous that you can’t grow an awesome mustache like me. 😉

      • Sofie Liv

        that’s what you think… no wait.

        • MichaelANovelli

          There can be only one!

          • Muthsarah

            Sofie should totally cosplay as Mr. Mendo. Confuse the hell out of everybody.

          • MichaelANovelli

            I think that may already have happened.

          • Muthsarah

            Hm? Well, I do have pudding for memory. Was it in a vid?

          • MichaelANovelli

            I think, when I did Dark Knight, Sofie’s next video had her claiming that she stole my mustache…

          • danbreunig

            I do remember that bit. Outside of that there was Cinema Slob playing you–and then you coming to call his bluff. So there’s my bread pudding memory of that.

          • MichaelANovelli

            And then there was that time Hagan played me…the list just goes on and on…

    • danbreunig

      Goes without saying.

  • The Horror Guru

    I looove trash.

    • MichaelANovelli

      And yet, you’re not at all grouchy…

  • Sean Tadsen

    I had no real interest in seeing this movie. Not just because I have no real interest in the show, but because my first reaction was always “This sounds like fanfiction.” Maybe it’s good fanfiction, but it’s still fanfiction. And I’m not going to pay $8+ to watch something I could probably find for free online.

    • MichaelANovelli

      I’ve heard it’s on YouTube…

      • Sean Tadsen

        Yeah, still gonna pass on that, thanks.

  • MichaelANovelli

    So, did my revelation in the credits blow anyone’s mind?

  • danbreunig

    I should’ve mentioned this earlier, but:

    There already is a Bratz-meets-Ponies brand. It’s called Struts. They’re real. Freak about that.

    • MichaelANovelli

      I shall.

  • Animikean

    Seriously? About this movie I just have to ask seriously, because I feel like a hipster douche to say it but-

    They f**king pulled the rainbow of light as their deus ex machina?

    G4 I am dissapoint, do I even have to point out it was done before and better in the 84′ pilot.

    And seriously G4, Why why do you villains suck so always?

    • MichaelANovelli

      I honestly wasn’t expecting an action-packed conclusion from, you know, MLP, but yeah, that was weird. They really did make no effort to hide that they were doing the finale from Sailor Moon R…

    • The Nightmare Rider

      Only a couple of G4 Villains suck. And Sunset Shimmer had potential at least.

      • MichaelANovelli

        She had nice hair. As a human, at least.

  • Guest

    Oh, my dolls will eat you soul before you eat the soul of anyone on the booth. They’re way quicker.

    Great review though!

    • MichaelANovelli

      Those things couldn’t eat the soul of a small, adorable puppy!

  • FullofQuestions1

    Oh, my dolls will eat your soul before you can eat the soul of anyone on the booth. They’re way quicker. Great review though!

    https://twitter.com/MysteryMadness1/status/351888046632886272

    • MichaelANovelli

      I doubt that very much.

    • danbreunig

      I’d buy that. “Those eyes–*weird*, man!”

      • MichaelANovelli

        Like a doll’s eyes.

  • gasmaskangel

    I despise this movie so much I barely made it through the review.

    • MichaelANovelli

      Awwww, but I made a Top Gun reference just for you! 🙁

      • gasmaskangel

        I don’t think I caught that, but then I don’t care about Top Gun at all. I think its my loathing of this kind of highschool setting. The cliched, saccharine, “oh god this is so important!” stuff just irritates the fuck outta me.

        That and the fact that either the hero or villain could have resolved the plot before the fifteen minute mark.

        Seriously Sunset, you’re fucking evil! Get a gun and rob a bitch!

        • MichaelANovelli

          What exactly was her plan, anyway? Become the most popular girl in school on the offhand chance that one day she might steal the element of harmony? Then, she steals it, and instead of just using it while she was already in Equestria, she goes back to Canterlot and tries to win something she already had? Leaving an awful lot to chance, wasn’t she?

          • MephLord

            you guys are arguing a show meant for 7-10 year old girls. Give it a rest already, it’s about the characters not the plot.

          • MichaelANovelli

            No, we’re arguing about a movie that we paid good money to see. I paid twice.

          • MephLord

            that does not invalidate my argument. It’s still a movie meant for 7-10 year olds. I went into the Yugi-Oh movie knowing it wasn’t for me and enjoyed it for what it was. Because you paid to see it in the theatre doesn’t mean you fit the demographic it means you enjoy it for what it is.

          • MichaelANovelli

            Actually, most of the people in the theater were college bros, now that I think about it…

          • MephLord

            and adding to my original comment. What did you expect from this movie? It wasn’t meant to be thought provoking or anything, it was meant to mirror modern teenage girl high school awkwardness. As adult males we can’t relate to it we can only watch and think “If I were a girl, I might have these problems as well” but as men, we never encounter this stuff. A review of Bravestarr, Saber Rider, or He-Man 2002 we might be a bit harsher on since we grew up on those shows, but FIM is a show not meant for us. We can rip apart 90210 and Melrose Place because we don’t know what those preppie shows are based on, it’s an ideal, not practical. I’m sorry for wasting so much of your time Mr. Mendo but we don’t know enough of the shows meant for other demographics to really offer a fair commentary of them.

            I’m a 37 year old Canadian male, and I know when something is written and performed for my demographic. That’s why I never say crap about Dora, Barney, Teletubbies or other stuff meant for little kids.

          • MichaelANovelli

            And that’s all well and good, and had this been put out on TV, that would be one thing, but they released this in theaters, saying to the world, “This product is different from our normal fare, so much so that we’re gonna put it out in front of a more discerning audience.” Now, that said, I liked the movie, but aside from the character design, they put basically no effort into it. If they’d just dumped it out on TV, I could have forgiven it. Just because they’re kids, doesn’t mean that they deserve to be insulted.

          • MephLord

            So it basically falls into the realm of the Pokemon, Digimon, and Yugi-Oh realm of “it was in the theatre so we much watch, for the sake that the kids want to go see it” and that argument is false. I will concede two points: it did victimize parents with kids that screamed and wants to see the movies and two, did not add much value to any of the franchises that were put on the silver screen.

            But we are all adults here. We need to learn restraint and that is the biggest problem we have right now is learning how to say no. Saying no almost seems like treason to most, and that is absurd, but that is where we are headed.

          • MichaelANovelli

            Perhaps, but criticizing movies for their flaws is my job. If I was doing this for my health, I’d stick my head in a deep fryer…

          • MephLord

            I hope someday I am approached and cordially invited to a Mendo or Agony Booth Skype sound off when talking about something, even if I wear a Jason mask (Canadian after all)

          • MichaelANovelli

            I’ll keep that in mind. ^_^

          • MephLord

            hope you don’t hate me even if I took you task on your comments, still like your comments and reviews.

          • MichaelANovelli

            Nah, we cool.

  • MephLord

    I actually liked this movie. I’m not a Brony at all, but for what it was, it was pretty good. I don’t see why anyone would hate it, it was pretty vanilla and harmless fun for little girls.

    • MichaelANovelli

      I didn’t hate it, I just found it incredibly frustrating. I could have been so much more if they’d put just a tiny bit more effort into it.

  • MichaelANovelli

    OK, having talked it over with some people, I’ve decided on another positive point in this movie’s favor: they realized that Pinkie Pie is like jerk seasoning. Best in small doses.

  • Cristiona

    I hate comedy of the awkward too (Meet the Parents was like nails in my eyeballs). Thankfully this one kept that mercifully short.

    • MichaelANovelli

      I know, right? It’s like when kids’ movies reference Taxi Driver, it never fits!

  • MichaelANovelli

    So, according to the Equestria Girls Wikia (good lord, I’ve been to the Equestria Girls Wikia), there’s definitely gonna be a spin-off featuring these versions of the characters. Whether it would be any good, I couldn’t say, but I guess I would be more likely to watch that than the original. You see…I hate horses. Like, a lot. Sometimes I just sit up all night and THINK about how much I hate horses!

    • danbreunig

      Careful what you say about horses. I just heard someone firing up Sara Jane.

      • MichaelANovelli

        Man, screw horses! Why America ever stopped eating them, I’ll never know!

  • MichaelANovelli

    Oh, god, there’s gonna be a sequel. And yes, I must review that one, as well…

    • Gallen Dugall

      just finished a drinky viewing of the movie – look forward to your review of the next one

      • MichaelANovelli

        I can’t even imagine this film on mind-altering substances…

        • Gallen Dugall

          For some reason I fixated on how bizarre their footwear is, my friend couldn’t get over no one wearing pants, and my other friend said the voices were all off. That ending is just lazy “Now the show’s over… because friendship” and apparently schools in that universe have the authority to conscript students into forced manual labor.
          I’m honestly intrigued to see if the next one has more or less effort put into it.

          • MichaelANovelli

            Well, at least they had proper ankle support…