Return to Oz isn’t exactly a sequel to The Wizard of Oz, so much as it is a remix. Yes, the plot of the movie revolves around what happened after Dorothy left Oz, but you’ll find that this film is pretty high on the creepiness scale, whereas the original definitely isn’t. Unless you’re afraid of little people or something.

You’ll find a definite lack of munchkins here, as well as any sign of Dorothy’s trademark blue threads. What you do get, however, is decapitated statues, guys with too much makeup, a steampunk-y robot pal, and Lady Gaga’s aunt or something.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Well, here we are back at Auntie Em and Uncle Henry’s farm, where our girl Dorothy is suffering from another bout of insomnia. All the poor girl can do is stare at a mirror, transfixed by the reflection of the stars through her window. I guess an inter-dimensional vacation/tweak-fest will do that to a girl.

Auntie Em comes in and tells Dorothy to go to sleep, since it’s almost one in the morning. Dorothy sits up and is like, “Then what’re you doing up, beeyatch?” Yeah, I wish.

No, instead, Dorothy says she can’t sleep, and Aunt Em wanders back into the living room, where she catches Uncle Henry looking at an ad for “Electric Healing”. This sounds like something you’d bring to one of those sex toy parties for housewives, but in this case, it refers to some kind of ultra-modern electroshock treatment administered by a certain Dr. J.B. Worley.

We learn that it’s been six months since the tornado from the first movie, and Dorothy still isn’t quite right. Aunt Em wants to take Dorothy to see Dr. Worley so she’ll feel better again, even if it means borrowing money.

Meanwhile, Dorothy lays in bed, her gigantic blue eyes as impassive as ever, as she listens to Aunt Em talking about how preoccupied Dorothy’s been lately “with a place that just don’t exist!” A shooting star streaks past Dorothy’s window, and I’m really hoping she’s wishing to GTFO of here before Aunt Em can take her to the electroshock place.

The next morning. Dorothy’s busy doing her chores on what’s left of the farm. Which, sadly, isn’t much. The house is half-gone, as are the barns, chicken coop, and pretty much everything else. At the chicken coop, Dorothy asks her feathered friend Billina if she’s laid an egg today.

Dorothy warns Billina that if she doesn’t lay an egg soon, Aunt Em will turn her into KFC. Billina pecks at something on the ground, and Dorothy sees that it’s a key. She’s sure it must be from Oz. I mean, look at the telltale markings!

Um, yeah. To me, it looks more like the international sign for No Smoking, but I’ll take Oz in a pinch. Dorothy thinks this must be proof that Oz really does exist, and she rushes off to show it to Aunt Em.

Predictably, Aunt Em doesn’t give a crap, and tells Dorothy that it’s just a key to the old house, not a gift from her old friends sent along on last night’s shooting star or anything. Aunt Em tells Dorothy to stop talking about Oz, and try to focus on their real problems. And there are plenty of them. First off, they’re in a lot of debt because of all the destruction from the tornado, and winter’s coming, and the new house still isn’t finished yet.

Meanwhile, Uncle Henry is lounging on the unfinished porch. Dorothy exposits it’s because he broke his leg, but Aunt Em says his leg is mended enough to do a little more work around the farm. Amen, sister. While I don’t really condone sending your daydreaming kid off to electroshock therapy, I can see why she’d feel the need to resort to desperate measures, given how everything else is kind of falling apart around her.

So, off Dorothy and Aunt Em go on the wagon, bound for town and the brain doctor! On the way, Toto tries to follow, but Dorothy tells him to wait for her at home.

On the way to the brain doctor’s place, they pass the town closest to the farm, which is sort of depressing and creepy.

Even so, Dorothy marvels at how she’s finally getting to go past the small town, and onto the bigger small town where Dr. Worley’s clinic is. Dude... You’ve been to freaking Oz! And you’re impressed by this?

Ugh. Well, finally, they arrive at the clinic.

Here in Dr. Worley’s office, Dorothy is regaling everyone with the delightful story of the Tin Man. For those of you who haven’t read the book, the Tin Man was actually a normal guy at one point, but the Wicked Witch enchanted his axe so it hacked his limbs off one by one. He kept needing to replace them, each time with a tin version. Eventually, he was all metal.

Yeah. Can’t say I really blame Aunt Em for wanting to strap Dorothy up to the electroshock machine. WTF kind of stuff is she telling people? Can’t Dorothy just tell them about the cute stuff, like the Lollipop Guild or whatever? I think if she had focused more on the non-creepy aspects of Oz, Aunt Em would be praising her for her creativity and imagination, not sending her off to Dr. Shocker, erm, Worley.

The Doc asks Dorothy what proof she has that Oz exists. For example, where are her ruby slippers? (Sold at Christie’s for an astonishing sum, I would guess.) Dorothy says they must have fallen off her feet on the way back. Bummer.

So the Doc introduces her to a new friend. And look, says Worley. He’s friendly, because he’s got a face. See?

The Doc says it’ll cheer her up and zap away all the bad thoughts. She’ll sleep through the night, and when she wakes up, she’ll feel right as rain. And he insists it won’t hurt at all. Oh sure, buddy. Save it for someone who hasn’t slain a wicked witch, okay?

Speaking of crap that’s magical, Dorothy sees a pretty little girl in the reflection of the machine’s glass cover. She turns around to wave, and finds the girl standing on the other side of a glass partition separating the Doc’s office from the hallway. But when Dorothy looks away for a second, the girl disappears. Hm.

In the meantime, Aunt Em looks a little queasy about all of this electroshock stuff. Nevertheless, she leaves Dorothy in the loving hands of Nurse Wilson.

Aunt Em gives Dorothy a lunch pail with some home-cooked food, then says she’ll be back tomorrow to take her home. Em promises to bring Toto along, and then leaves.

Once she’s gone, Nurse Wilson leads Dorothy down a long hallway. She snatches the lunch pail out of Dorothy’s hands and tells her, “You won’t be needing that!”

Bitch.

Ahem. Nurse Wilson leaves Dorothy in her new room, and Dorothy watches through the window as Aunt Em’s carriage disappears down the road. When she turns around, the little blonde girl from before is here, and she’s come bearing gifts!

It’s a... pumpkin. Hm. A skeleton key or a lock pick probably would’ve been much more useful in this situation, but I guess it’s the thought that counts. The blonde girl asks Dorothy why she’s here, and Dorothy explains that she keeps talking about Oz, and that no one believes she’s been there, and that weirdly enough, the grisly stories about enchanted, homicidal axes aren’t helping her case.

As the sounds of a new storm rumble in, we also hear some poor patient groaning in pain. That’s kind of a party foul, I guess, because the mysterious girl rushes off. She promises to come back later, though.