Blood Splattered Cinema
Hosted by: Horror Guru
The Horror Guru reviews the bloodiest, wildest, and weirdest horror that cinema has to offer!
The Bunny Perspective!
Hosted by: Phil Buni
Media reviews and analysis by a pot smoking, puppet bunny. Do you like weird-but-great underground films? Hate Glee, Gigli, and other Hollywood garbage? The Bunny Perspective offers a blend of humorously angry negative reviews, and honest praise of underground movies and TV. We talk about films, TV, anime, and animation. We are the Cult of the Bunny, and you too can be a Cultist. #CultoftheBunny
Cartoon Palooza
Hosted by: Joey Tedesco
A satirical review show where a guy from Jersey watches and criticizes cartoons, including everything from comic books to animated movies. Whatever it is, Joey will either tell you to run out and see it... or fughetabouit!
The Cheap-Arse Film Review
Hosted by: Liam Barrett
It's the Cheap-Arse Film Review, where a young(ish) man finds out if it's possible to live the life of a cinephile super-nerd on the strictest budget possible. Inspired by growing up in the wilds of Essex, England (that's only partially a joke, by the way) and the current harsh economic times, Liam only reviews DVD that can be purchased for £1.00p or less!
The Count Jackula Show
Hosted by: Count Jackula
There are vampires, and there are men from outer space, but there is only one vampire from outer space! Join Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula as he explains the ins and outs of horror, from the mythic to the modern. Blood, off-color humor, and an obsession with Elvira are in store for you!
The DVD Shelf
Hosted by: David Rose
Life is short, so skip the bad movies and let your host David Rose reveal, review, and recommend the ones you should have on your own DVD shelf. The DVD Shelf is a film-lover's safe haven to bask in the warm glow of cult favorites, over-looked cinematic gems, rediscovered classics, and downright fun flicks on both DVD and Blu-ray.
The Examined Life (of Gaming)
Hosted by: Roland Thompson
Just when video games were getting good, the late '90s and early '00s came along. The Examined Life (of Gaming) dares to delve into the good, the bad, and the value-priced games of this dark period, and sometimes we find something worth playing!
The Film Renegado
Hosted by: Film Renegado
Coming to you from south of the border, it's the Film Renegado! A civil engineer with a cinephile complex, the Film Renegado uses movies made in Mexico or by Mexican directors to share bits from his country's culture, past and present. You will both learn and be entertained! How cool is that?
Friday Night Fright Flicks
Hosted by: Count Jackula & Horror Guru
Welcome, fright knights, to Friday Night Fright Flicks! Join your hosts Count Jackula and the Horror Guru as they stumble their way through current horror releases, letting you know which ones are worth the price of admission.
Good Bad Flicks
Hosted by: Cecil Trachenburg
Good Bad Flicks is a show not only dedicated to rare movies, but also forgotten classics and misunderstood box office bombs. Your host Cecil takes you through each movie, discussing the promotional materials, and taking a look at what went on behind the scenes. With a healthy dose of Irish sarcasm, he throws a few jabs at even his most cherished favorites.
The Graphic Novel Picture Show
Hosted by: Solkir
Your host Solkir presents The Graphic Novel Picture Show, a retrospective of the history of comic book movies!
Joshua the Anarchist
Hosted by: Joshua Bell
Charged with the crime of liking Batman & Robin, Joshua the Anarchist has been declared insane and committed to Arkham Asylum. Locked away in a padded cell, he'll endure movie after movie as doctors attempt to "treat" him. He may not have gone in a madman, but he soon will be.
Minority Report Reviews
Hosted by: Tom Marriott
Minority Report Reviews is where often slated or just plain forgotten films and TV shows come for an ego boost. Focusing primarily on unloved sequels, your host Tom Marriott takes questions from the general public to showcase the positives in these films. Love it or hate it, this is the show where you can have your say and see a guilty pleasure defended by the host with the most... strange tastes.
Movie Dorkness
Hosted by: Sofie Liv
It's the show formerly known as Red Suitcase Adventues! Join Sofie Liv, a nice Dane (who may not be as negative as everyone else!) as she dissects pop culture phenomena to explore both the good and bad in popular films.
The Movie Skewer
Hosted by: Team Agony Booth
From the makers of the Agony Booth™ comes The Movie Skewer, where terrible movies are roasted over an open flame for your enjoyment. Watch the very first online review/recap series that’s too much for one host to handle!
Mr. Mendo's Hack Attack
Hosted by: Michael A. Novelli
Need a healthy dose of cynicism from a guy whose face you can barely see? Then Mr. Mendo’s your man! Whether a movie suffers from Hype Backlash, Intellectual Dishonesty, or is just Complete Shit, Mr. Mendo is there. Mr. Mendo wasn‘t raised in this country, so he takes nothing for granted: if something ain‘t right, he’ll nose it out. So join him as he takes on Oscar winners and legendary flops alike in front of a blanket suspended between his couch and recliner!
Mystery Madness
Hosted by: Full of Questions
Mysteries are awesome! And who's better suited to examine the wonderful, the terrible, and the adequate of the movie mystery genre than a teenager with nerdy glasses and substandard editing software? ...Many people, probably, but enjoy the show anyway!
PGSM Summaries
Hosted by: Nycea
Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (PGSM for short) is a hilarious live-action retelling of the Sailor Moon story. On this show, your host Nycea summarizes and riffs on this gloriously bad series—one episode at a time.
The Porn Critic
Hosted by: Porn Critic
Comedy reviews of the worst and most bizarre adult films available, by a character called the Porn Critic, who tends to focus on the acting bits rather than the actual sex! Who knew continuity errors and bad dialogue could lead to chronic flaccidity?
Reel vs. Reel
Hosted by: Animated Heroine
Animation isn't just for kids; it's also for adults who never learned how to grow up. In Reel vs. Reel, the Animated Heroine looks at two similar animated films to see which one comes out on top and why. Her love for good animated films is only matched by her cynicism towards the bad ones.
Stuff You Like
Hosted by: Sursum Ursa
Stuff You Like is an original show where redhead Sursum Ursa waxes enthusiastic about movies, TV shows, and anything else that comes to mind! Expect singing, snarky subtitles, random pictures she finds on the internet, and lots of fangirling!
Terror Obscura
Hosted by: Fear Fan
Terror Obscura is a show dedicated to exploring the best and worst horror films ever made. While some shows are content to just mock bad films, this one isn't afraid to take even the most sacred of cows to the slaughterhouse. If you like horror, humor, or if you're just looking to find some titles you might want to rent, Terror Obscura is the show for you!
Tom's Retrophilia
Hosted by: Thomas Stockel
Is he a connoisseur of vintage media, or just a bitter old man trapped in the past?  Either way, tune in and watch Tom take a look at the movies and television shows from a time when he was actually in the target audience!
The Unusual Suspect
Hosted by: Unusual Suspect
The Unusual Suspect reviews popular movies, and tears 'em apart! They may be good, but no movie is perfect, and there's always things you may have overlooked and hadn't thought about. So join the Suspect as he exploits and ridicules the films you know and love. Just don't kill him for it!
What We Had to Watch
Hosted by: Il Neige
Il Neige is a smart-ass with a love-hate relationship with movies from the new millennium. Sure, reviews can be fun or cathartic, but there's also the risk of the occasional Twi-hard invasion or fireball to the face! ...That's how these things usually go, right? So join Il Neige as he braves the cinematic dangers that lie just beyond the fourth wall to critique the best and worst of 21st century filmmaking!
the agony booth
Movie Review
Movie 43 (2013) / Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
Movie 43 (2013) Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

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Well, it’s been a while since a movie made me physically ill. I guess I was due for one.

I admit to being optimistically curious when I first walked into Movie 43. Anthology films are tragically rare these days, and the trailer had had more than a few genuinely funny moments. And while I am loathe to use hyperbole for the sake of humor about any movie... well, I don’t use images of Fluttershy puking lightly.

To best articulate how painfully unfunny this movie is, I will describe the first short to you, which takes up roughly the first 5-10 minutes of the movie. Kate Winslet is on a blind date with Hugh Jackman, who is of course the perfect date: handsome, charming, wealthy, everything a girl could want. There’s just one minor... um, physical peculiarity that Kate can’t stop staring at, but everyone else seems oblivious too. He’s got... well, you remember the Ballchinian from Men in Black II

Yeah. It’s like that. That’s the joke for the entirety of the first interminable short. They lifted the worst joke from Men in Black II of all things, a joke you might remember lasting all of five seconds, and padded it out into a five-minute short. “Ooh gross, pubic hair got in his soup!” “Ooh gross, he’s accidentally teabagging that little boy!” It’s just that, and Kate Winslet feeling as uncomfortable as the audience, for five seemingly endless minutes. And it only goes downhill from there.

Let me stop you right there and get what you’re immediately thinking out of the way: No, I’m not a prude, and no, I’m not above lowbrow humor. In theory, I’m fine with taboo or unpleasant subject matter being mined for comedy (though I will say that with the exception of George Carlin, no one has ever made me laugh at a fart, and I doubt anyone ever will). But I do take exception to gross-out humor for its own sake. Gross-outs are fine if they’re in the service of an actual joke, but not if it by itself is meant to be the joke. “It’s disgusting, therefore it is funny” is just not a sentiment I agree with.

A few of the shorts are clever in concept, but are rarely funny in execution. One features Liev Schreiber and his real-life girlfriend Naomi Watts taking a disturbingly literal approach to homeschooling. As someone who actually was homeschooled, to my eternal regret, I could at least appreciate its intent, but somehow it still never clicked. The best short by far comes at the end and stars Terrence Howard in a brief spoof of inspirational period piece sports dramas about desegregation. Sure, it’s still just one joke, but it mostly manages not to overstay its welcome for once, and brings us the only genuine laughs in the movie. No wonder they put almost the whole thing in the trailer.

Never before have I seen so many people come together on a project and manage to produce something so nauseatingly difficult to sit through. It’s like going to amateur comedy night: the performers are there to entertain themselves, not so much you. Hope Peter Farrelly and all his famous friends had fun getting together to waste 6 million bucks, because that is all that has been accomplished here.

 

You know, back in 2006, I would’ve called Snakes on a Plane a fluke. A fun experiment not likely to be repeated. But between this, Snow White and the Huntsman, and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, it appears the “sounds like a joke but is actually a real movie” movie is officially a real genre. And I know you don’t wanna hear this, but here’s the bad news: it’s actually good.

Yeah, I know you were looking forward to endlessly mocking this one, seeing a dumb idea justly fail, but in an age that loves to hate, director Tommy Wirkola has done the worst thing imaginable: gone and made a good movie out of it. It’s not exceptionally great, but I’ll say the same thing for this that I said for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. This is the best possible result we could’ve asked for from a premise like this.

If the title wasn’t explanation enough, the movie is framed as a hypothetical sequel to the classic Hansel and Gretel story, in which the two children upon surviving their encounter with a witch grow up to be professional witch hunters. Now, unlike vampire hunters or werewolf hunters, which are of course fictional professions, witch hunting was a real thing, and it wasn’t exactly the kind of activity one should admire. Mostly it involved reactionary, superstitious mobs burning, drowning, and otherwise executing innocent women. The movie is very aware of this, and is quick to differentiate between the professional Hansel and Gretel who know a witch when they see one, and the ignorant local authorities ready to hang any innocent girl who looks at them funny. Additionally, there’s a running subplot about the siblings learning that good witches actually do exist*, just in case actual practicing Wiccans out there are offended by the title.

The basic style of the film is some combination of The Brothers Grimm and Van Helsing, but manages to be superior to both of those, or at the very least more entertaining. A big part of that is that unlike other R-rated action offerings this months, the film actual makes use of its rating. The film is wall-to-wall gore, some CG, some practical, but all of it red and messy. The action is pretty relentless, but never quite exhausting, and with the menagerie of creatively deformed witches queuing up for the slaughter, it certainly commands your attention. Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner both have good action hero screen presences, and with Peter Stormare and Famke Janssen hamming it up for them to face off against, it makes for a well-utilized cast. Also, there’s a pretty decent-looking animatronic troll in there too, so that’s cool.

The movie is flagrantly anachronistic, so much so that it’s actually rather charming. The actors make no attempt to speak in a period specific way, casually throwing around modern profanity and euphemisms in midwestern American accents. The guns and technology are steampunk of the highest order, meaning essentially modern guns dressed up to look old-ish, though at one point they’re clearly using modern ammunition. They have old-timey versions of everything: scrapbooks, missing children posters on milk bottles; at one point they use a phonograph with a record made out of stone. The Flintstones would be proud. The movie just does not give a fuck, and the effect is that it feels less like a period piece and more like a renaissance festival that got out of hand.

Don’t let me oversell this; the film is shallow, silly, and likely not that memorable, but it’s fun while you’re watching it, and is easily the best time at the movies I’ve had this month. Though to be honest, after seeing Movie 43, everything looks good in comparison. 

*It’s easy to differentiate the good witches from the bad ones. The evil ones are uglier, you see. Except for Famke Janssen of course. Even under that old crone makeup, she’s still smokin’.

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