“If you imagine the Marvel franchise as the movie equivalent of a TV series, then this is sort of like ending the season on a standalone episode after a big climatic two-parter, starring a character you’ve never heard of, in a story that means almost nothing to the larger plot.”
“I wish they’d spent as much time working on the storyline as the visuals, but it is what it is.”
“Even people who otherwise have issues with the feminist movement pretty much universally agree that this is a freakin’ brilliant action movie and you should see it and see it again.”
“Both Maggie and Schwarzenegger’s performance show potential, even as their novice missteps prevent them from fulfilling it.”
“‘More of the same’, though I’d still say it was better overall than the previous Avengers movie and trumps it on most levels.”
“All I can think is, ‘A lot of people out there actually, unironically want this,’ and the thought just depresses me.”
“Yet, as a person, I like Jamie Dornan more for not being able to be the twat waffle that Christian is.”
“It feels like there’s no reason for this movie to have even been made, apart from the first film becoming a cult hit, and comic book adaptations now being even bigger business than they were in 2005.”
“For a film that talks about the importance of humanity and human survival, it shows shockingly little faith in it.”
“The second act is a prolonged science lesson with some first-year philosophy thrown in for good measure, albeit a visually stunning lesson with some good action pieces and special effects.”
“Despite the epic length, most of the cast will turn out to have existed to explore ideas or play second fiddle to the father/daughter relationship.”
“At one point during the riffing, one of the guys remarks that the movie looks like it was edited in a Vitamix, and that’s pretty accurate.”
“It’s like someone saw Ted and decided what it was really missing was a ton of fart and shit jokes.”
“Bay simply ramps up the pace and explosion count from prior entries and layers on the Dinobots like so much icing on a shit cake.”
“The movie gives us answers to exactly none of these questions. And here I thought the ending of Lost was a gyp.”
“The moral of the story appears to be clear: God may not be dead, but if you’re not a Christian, you soon will be, and He’ll make sure you have the most horrible, painful death possible.”
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