“It’s all very bland, especially when so much more could have been done with her agelessness.”
“It’s only two hours long, which is about standard for today, but it’s two hours that drag on longer than the last 15 minutes of class before summer vacation.”
The truth about Premium Abrasax is revealed and it’s exactly what we figured out 30 minutes ago. Also, Titus Abrasax shows his romantic side by trying to get with his mom’s identical twin.
“For all of the criticisms of what the prequel trilogy did to the backstory of the original trilogy, it didn’t wipe away the accomplishments of the original trilogy in the way that The Force Awakens does.”
Two writer-directors entrusted with a $175 million budget decide to bring their sci-fi/action film to a dead stop for no good reason. But hey, they got Terry Gilliam to do a cameo!
“Needless to say, it fails to match the grandeur of that time Elmer Fudd played the giant in a vain, desperate attempt to avoid typecasting.”
In which we meet a half-man/half-elephant, and Jupiter confesses her feelings for Caine in the most embarrassingly stupid way possible.
Hint: It involves people. Lots and lots of people. Oh, and get ready for the totally non-shocking reveal about why everyone is so interested in Jupiter.
In which we learn the true origins of the human race, as well as Caine Wise’s tragic backstory, which is uncannily similar to a certain legendary bouncer.
“This sums up the fundamental problem with this film rather nicely. It looks like it’s doing something clever and edgy, but in reality, what it’s saying and doing is rather lame and tame.”
“If you held a gun to my head and forced me to pick the Bond movie that rises to the top, I would have to say it’s From Russia with Love.”
“Are there people who were convinced up until this moment that bees are questioning, doubtful liars?”
“Caine’s just surfing the deferential equation slopes, broham!”
“Was this dialogue written by humans?”
“Gods and Monsters is explicitly a ‘what if?’ story, made by someone who loves these characters and wants to play around with them a little.”
“While it may not be based on an existing property, there’s nothing the slightest bit ‘original’ about this movie’s plot.”
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