Morning Sideboob: Shia LaBeouf Versus Jim Carrey, Conan’s Bastard Child, and Kanye Gets in the Ring

The Shia Apologies Continue

63rd Annual Berlinale International Film Festival - "The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman" Premiere - Arrivals

And the award for the most sullen, humorless, pouty actor (and we use that last word lightly) goes to…Shia LaBeouf! Now you might be thinking, Wait, didn’t he make a grand announcement that he is “retiring from all public life?” Why are we still hearing about him? Well, a one-liner delivered by Jim Carrey at the Golden Globes at Shia’s expense made the Transformers thespian come out of short-lived retirement for a rebuttal.

While on stage to present, Jim joked,

“Dying is easy. Comedy is hard…I believe it was Shia LaBeouf who said that.”

It was just a small jab in reference to Shia’s recent plagiarism tear. But Shia didn’t think it was funny ha-ha or funny weird.

Quickly back from the dead, Shia tweeted:

Screen Shot 2014-01-13 at 4.19.35 PM

But the soon-to-be professional porn star (ewwww) didn’t stop there. He had to hit below the belt and slam Carrey’s parenting style:

“At least I don’t get arrested for indecency on major LA highways! Or abandon love child’s.”

With Shia being the serial apologist that he is, we all know what came next:

Screen Shot 2014-01-13 at 4.27.27 PM

Then, before climbing back under his rock, Shia ended his latest rant with:

Screen Shot 2014-01-13 at 4.27.37 PM

If only.

[Metro]

Conan, You Are the Father

Morning Sideboob: Shia LaBeouf Versus Jim Carrey, Conan’s Bastard Child, and Kanye Gets in the Ring

Speaking of love children, Conan O’Brien might have some ’splaining to do. A video of New Jersey resident Greg Keating has emerged in which he claims to be the late-night talk show host’s illegitimate son.

“I never fit in with my family. My mother conceived me in 1993 as she worked in New York as a producer for ill-fated NBC News At Sunrise located in 30 Rockefeller Plaza. It was only three floors above the Late Night studio. Despite her hard work and dedication, she was fired from her job when she got pregnant.”

He claims growing up with a full head of red hair and pale skin posed a challenge and begs Conan to contact him so they can dominate late-night television together…or simply go fishing.

We have to admit, Greg looks a lot like Conan—that chin! that hair! But we at Sideboob are forever cynics and understand this is just a hoax. We wouldn’t even be surprised if Conan was behind the whole thing. Bastard!

Kayne Fights for Kim’s Love

Kim Kardashian Rings in the New Year at 1Oak Nightclub in Las Vegas on December 31, 2012

Another day, another Kanye West assault case. The rapper has made a habit out of pummeling photogs who come anywhere near his path. But this time it all stemmed from him trying to defend his baby mama’s honor.

Kim was at a Beverly Hills medical building when she was swarmed by photogs. We’re told the guy allegedly tried to help Kim get in the building, as he started screaming, “F**k these fa**ot-ass n****rs”” — referring to the paparazzi. Kim then told him it was not appropriate to use the N-word. We’re told he then screamed at her, “F**k you bitch. Just trying to help you. Shut up n****r lover, stupid slut.”

Kanye arrived on the scene promptly, went on the hunt for this piece of work, and did what he does best — punched the guy. A massage therapist had to separate the two.

I’m sure it felt good to go to town on the man who insulted Kim, but we’re sure Kanye’s checkbook probably isn’t going to feel so hot in the not too distant future.

[TMZ]

[Photos by PR Photos]

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  • Farb

    It’s time to lock Shia, Greg, and Kanye into a room, and while Kim ages unbecomingly, allow them to express themselves to one another, vigorously. .

  • Lina

    Now if that was Keating’s college essay, he should get in everywhere!

  • $73376667

    Did Kim think nobody would notice the ends of her sleeves? If only she could afford clothes that actually fit, nobody would have noticed that her silly “transparent” outfit was all the sillier because it wasn’t actually transparent.

  • rebecca

    I am *for* punching people who scream “nigger-lover” at your girlfriend. Really really really hard. Team Kanye on this on.

  • Ambignostic

    I keep seeing this word “sideboob” and I think it must not mean what I think it means.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      just plain boobs- and not the good kind