VIDEO: The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

From an undisclosed location in the Middle East comes the Agony Booth’s first ever video review! Our very own Michael “Mendo” Novelli comes to us (almost) live from across the world to give us his take on one of the least-loved James Bond films, The Man with the Golden Gun!

Special thanks to editor John Sensebe AKA Bargaintuan for all his hard work in putting this together!

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  • Anonymoose

    This review would be easier to enjoy if:
    A) You projected better, and
    B) You’re film studio wasn’t next to an intake duct for the A/C.

    • Michael A. Novelli

      This was actually filmed in a tent in Afghanistan, so the audio set-up was the very best we could manage…

      • Wait, why was the episode filmed in Afghanistan?

        Also, why aren’t you on Comedy Central’s prime time line-up?

        • Michael A. Novelli

          I was deployed there. In my day-job, I serve in the Army…

          As for the other thing, I really don’t know…

          • Ah, a day-job.

            While I don’t hate Golden Gun, I also can’t stand it, either. It’s like this for Mr. Bond and I: Bond is like Beer!

            Connery is Bond High Life; Lazenby is Bond Seasonal Ale; Roger Moore is Bond Lite (yeah, that old joke); Dalton is Bond Straight; Brosnan is Bond Genuine Draft; and Craig is Bond Ice. (I supposed David Niven would be a Bond Beer, too. Something off the wall, like Bond with Lime or whatever. No Bond Beer brand for Barry Nelson, though. Got one?)

            The older I get, I can’t stand Roger Moore as Bond.

            The stupid slide-whistle for the car stunt, the fact Count Dooku and The Saint have no real beef with each other, shooting Stromberg in the nuts via a tube (I wanted a fist-fight, like a Caesar Romero vs. Adam West fist-fight, but that’s another story altogether), the entirety of Moonraker, the cheesy parrot in Eyes, Octopussy is . . . well, it’s Octopussy! Though the only thing that bugged me about View is Bond cooking dinner.

            Overall, though, Live and Let Die, The Spy Who Loved Me, For Your Eyes Only, and A View to a Kill don’t bother me at all, only the smallest of tidbits.

            In the Golden Gun novel, Count Dooku wan’t any gentleman of the sort, but the novel has a decent plot over the Southeast Asia informercial that is this movie.

  • Ricardo Cantoral

    I can understand someone dislking this movie but personally, I think it’s the best Bond Moore ever did. He was delightful ass hole and I wish played the character as such during the remainder of his tenure.

  • H. N. Pervert

    Waste of a good villain. Fleming himself was disappointed with Scaramanga in the novels, who was little more than a thinly-written thug. Christopher Lee managed to turn him into a suave ‘anti-Bond’, and much more memorable than many of the other villains.

    Shame the rest of the film was a barrel o’ shite.

  • Gussie Jives

    I think this line summed up the whole movie:

    “Take Mr. Bond to school.”

  • KREMZEEK!

    @ 10:42 m-m-m-mask!

  • At least those schoolgirls are sure good at fighting…

    • MichaelANovelli

      Yes, but that still came out of nowhere. Remember, this was 1974; Project A-ko hadn’t made this sort of this normal, yet…

      • I know that in Japan at the time, shows featuring fighting schoolgirls like in Honey Flash were already rating well on Japanese TV, so there is that. 🙂

        • MichaelANovelli

          Oh, that’s your excuse for everything. LOL

          • When you on a good excuse err thng, stick with it. 😀

          • MichaelANovelli

            That’s just the sort of logic I’d expect from a fellow David Willis fan! (Dig the avatar, by the way…)

          • Thanks (Even if I have changed it AGAIN since then)
            Do you also post comments in Shortpacked! or DoA?

          • MichaelANovelli

            Haven’t yet, but I keep meaning to.

  • MacNillus

    I can’t hate this film. It was one of the first bondfilm that I saw.

  • Muthsarah

    Mr. Mendo….you’ve mentioned before that you’ve had (my wording) a moste offbeate access to movies at some points in your most formative years. Or something. This is known. That said….

    Forbidden Zone…? Abominable Dr. Phibes…? I’m not breaking any new ground here, I hope you appreciate, but….I ain’t never done heard of either of them. Now Suzie Wong, obviously. Doesn’t everybody know that one?

    Were you raised in an environment scientifically-designed to create the most offbeat, random weirdo ever? Not hatin’, of course. You ARE a child of the 80s, after all. And not the 60s. Maybe you should be reminded of that, time to time. I keep asking questions, and you keep answering them (usually very obliquely), and yet….something keeps comin’ up, making me wonder anew.

    WHHHHHHYYYYYYY did you cut “Turning Japanese” off right before one of my FAVORITE parts of any song ever? The following line is just….perfection.

    As for J.W. Peppa’, he can’t possibly have bad dialogue. Much like Wade from the first two Brosnans (yes, I know those two as well, and I’ll even quote ’em, even if neither of them are terribly good), Peppa’s there to be the Ugly American stereotype. All he has to do is be embarrassing (for Americans) and abrasive (for everyone else), and he’s doin’ his job. Fun fact, he actually precedes Smokey AND Boss Hogg. Surprised the hell outta me first time I saw this movie; I took him for another Bond movie “well-it-was-cool-at-the-time” ripoff of a popular southern sheriff stereotype. If anything, he was an inspiration. He’s still an idiotic character, and one I feel a certain amount of anger towards, since he was clearly supposed to be how them Brits think of ma’ sort, but he……….oddly……disturbingly……kinda fits the general Roger Moore vibe. LaLD had TONS of stereotypical stupidity. And probably even more objectionable than the sorts this’un was sendin’ up.

    K, so you hate the Lulu song. I won’t defend it. I think it’s fun, but in the most superficial way. It’s catchy, in a very shallow way that feels worse and worse the more you think about it. But it works in the context of the movie. Think of those five notes. How often they show up. They’re a good intro/revving up of the action scenes. They are energetic, and exciting. John Barry still did ’em. Even if he hated this entire score, reportedly. DE-DE-DE-DE-DE…..duh-duh-duh……

    “People who watch movies don’t read books.”

    While that’s not entirely true (I’ve read sixteen books this year alone, none of them modern-day “light reading”), I’ve prolly seen 80-90 films. I definitely have my preferences. Some truth. But don’t draw too much from that. I like them both. Theoretically.

    OK, C’mon. Tee-hee vs. Bond was completely different than Nick-Nack vs. Bond. The latter was played entirely for jokes (horribly dated, very politically-incorrect jokes…). Tee-Hee, however, coulda killed Bond in a second had he just got a lucky shot in; Baron Samedi was scary as well. Dude(s) was/were SCARY. Conversely, Nick-Nack’s scene was played for laughs, beginning to end. Never treated as a threat, just as a way for Bond to fight a midget (I’m under the impression that was the word Herve preferred, no hating). I remember hating this scene when I first saw it, and having it leave a very negative taste on the mouth for years afterwards, along with the Britt Eklund, and the stupid jokes, and the J.W. Pepper, and the Moore’s-Bond-beating-women, and the ridiculous exposition in the beginning, and the cheesy-fake chop-socky vibe in the second act. But I just re-watched the movie for the first time in over a decade. I really liked it this time. Stupid beyond belief, yes, but I had fun with it. And wasn’t that the movie’s point? This movie has tons of style. I think I forgive it a lot for that. Be dated, be offensive, be stupid. Just….look good while doing it, is all I ask.

    I still have yet to re-watch Moonraker, though. Hopefully in two days. And I mean that loosely. ‘Cuz I’m gonna hafta swallow Die Another Day and Never Say Never Again (which, admittedly, I haven’t seen yet). Could be awful. Could be fun. Could also be awful. My money’s on awful.

    FWIW, Live and Let Die WAS a fun movie. Not one of my favorites. Or even close. Possibly not even in my Top Ten. Of Bond films.

    To me, this movie was the stupider younger sibling of You Only Live Twice. Which was an incredibly stupid movie. But one, like this one, that seemed to embrace its stupidity. How could it not have? It was all right there on the surface. There is no pretense anywhere in this film. Anywhere. It’s a beautifully-shot, well-scored, ridiculous parody of itself. But with some good parts, and some good actors (like Britt Ek……of course, I mean Christopher Lee). The series had been mashed to pulp years before this, all it needed to be was fun. And, like LaLD, it WAS. It wasn’t OHMSS. Few Bonds are. But it was stupid. I mean…it was fun. In a stupid way. Is that such a sin?