MacGyver “Pilot” (part 3 of 4)

Once MacGyver climbs down the elevator shaft to the next level, he finds himself in a corridor which has caved in at one end. He wanders around looking manly for a while, then hears a tapping sound coming from the pile of wreckage. He uses a nearby shoe to tap on a girder at the top. He hears an answering tap, and figures out that there’s someone else down there, but the girder is in the way.

He radios up to the guys in the computer room and explains the situation. In response, he hears a slurping noise, caused by Gant taking a sip of water. “Water…” MacGyver muses. I know, it’s so easy to forget about the existence of water unless someone reminds you, isn’t it?

He runs back down the corridor and finds a firehose, which he brings up to the girder. He then cuts the end off, and ties a knot in the hose before burying it under the girder, and then he turns on the water. This makes the hose swell up, which lifts the girder up by several inches, enabling MacGyver to push it out of the way, and is it just me or is that nonsensical?

He falls down onto the other side of the rubble, where there are a bunch of people waiting to be rescued (including that Spencer chick from before). Everyone shambles off back towards the elevator shaft, which apparently now contains a rope ladder that they can climb up.

MacGyver "Pilot" (part 3 of 4)

As MacGyver talks with Colson over the radio, Spencer overhears him mentioning Marlowe and Stubens, and she offers to take him to them. MacGyver tries to make her turn back, on account of she’s a nice pretty lady, but she insists.

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They climb down a random ladder to the next level, and Spencer mentions that she doesn’t know what caused the explosions, and she only just got past the electronics lab before it exploded. “Huh,” MacGyver says. “Stubens’ lab, the bio lab, the electronics lab… seems like all the explosions were somehow connected to the labs.” Well, yeah, if by “connected to” you mean “inside of”.

Spencer says that the pattern of explosions doesn’t make any sense, because the labs are all independent of each other. As she goes to open an emergency door, MacGyver pulls her back, because there’s smoke coming from the other side. Someone should have told the stagehand to turn off the dry ice machine.

MacGyver "Pilot" (part 3 of 4)

It’s completely obvious that there’s a fire on the other side, but MacGyver insists on taking a piece of wood and holding it against the door until it catches fire, just to prove the point. Although it does look kind of cool.

They can’t go through the door, so Spencer says the only other way down is through “the gas chamber”, which is a series of airlocks around a lab that works with poison gas. This facility apparently contains every kind of science lab known to man.

As they go towards this chamber, they pass a broken vending machine, and MacGyver takes out a bunch of chocolate bars. Spencer gets mad at him for eating at a time like this, but instead of telling her what he actually wants the chocolate for, he gets all pissy and says he just wanted to “store up on a little energy”. This merely serves to support my theory that he’s kind of a tool.

They walk through another hallway, and Spencer remarks that the airlocks are supposed to close in the event of an emergency. Right on cue, an alarm goes off, and a series of doors along the corridor start slamming shut. Conveniently, they close in sequence, rather than all at once, allowing MacGyver and Spencer to run down to the other end without too much trouble. That whole scene was a bit pointless.

Spencer then goes over to a window and emotes for a while. Eventually, MacGyver joins her, and we see what she’s looking at: the poison gas in the poison gas lab has leaked and everyone’s been poisoned. Also, all the dry ice, I mean poison gas, makes the scene look like an extremely morbid ‘80s music video. Spencer continues to emote, while MacGyver is completely stone-faced. Remember, men didn’t have feelings back then.

MacGyver "Pilot" (part 3 of 4)

Meanwhile, down on the bottom floor, Dr. Stubens regains consciousness. “We’re still alive?” he asks. No, the afterlife just looks remarkably like a bombed-out laboratory.

Marlowe, who keeps poking at Stubens’s facial wounds with his thumbs in a way that must be quite annoying, explains that someone’s trying to rescue them, but the intercom isn’t working properly. And then, for some reason, there’s a noise from above that sounds like a flock of migrating geese. I… I just don’t know.

Up on the ground, the tankers of sodium hydroxide arrive at the lab. One of the soldiers says they’ll be ready to flood the complex in exactly 55 minutes.

So, apparently the circuits that open the airlock doors are broken all of a sudden. Up in the computer room, Colson and some guy are trying to fix the doors, which involves pulling one of the computers apart and meddling with the wires inside. The computer guy presses some buttons that should open the doors, and the computer just… catches fire. Awesome.

Caption contributed by Ms. Avery

Worst tech support ever.

MacGyver radios up to say that the gas lab should have some sort of emergency pumps to remove the gas. Colson says that there are pumps, but they’re only accessible from inside the lab. Which is pretty much the stupidest design ever.

Gant sweatily interjects that the poison gas is, y’know, poisonous, and they’ll die if they go into the lab, but MacGyver points out that they’ll run out of air soon anyway. Then he takes off his shirt. Judging from the romantic music, this is presumably meant to be a vaguely sexy development, but since he seems to be wearing a filthy union suit underneath, it’s only sexy if you’re a fanatical Deadwood fan.

Caption contributed by Ms. Avery

This is neither the time nor the place.

Obviously, Spencer is a fanatical Deadwood fan way ahead of her time, because she kisses him. “If you can’t get the pumps started, I just wanted to say thanks.” Thanks for what, exactly? Bringing her down here to her death? MacGvyer ignores her womanly fears, and rips his shirt up so they can tie the pieces over their faces to keep out the gas. Eww. Suffocating on poison gas and MacGyver’s BO has got to be a pretty nasty way to die.

He smashes the window leading into the lab, and they climb in, with Spencer revealing extremely gratuitous amounts of leg in the process. As she runs for the exit, he goes over to the controls for the pumps, and instead of just pressing the switch, he breaks open the control panel and hotwires it. Such a show-off.

Multi-Part Article: MacGyver "Pilot"

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