Ladies, We Bet You Can’t Wait Until Advertising Companies Start Negging You
Hey girl. Are your eyes always like that? So…puffy? I like your hair, but your roots are showing. I mean, you’re cute enough and all, but not really my type. Maybe if you decided to buy like one million dollars worth of beauty products I’d like you better. Yeah, get it girl.
[A] new “study” from marketing firm PHD recommends a strategy that crosses the line from merely targeted to outright predatory, explicitly advising brands to seize on the times of the day and week when women feel the most insecure about their bodies and overall appearance in order to sell beauty products and other goods.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Ok, we’ll bite. When are women most vulnerable?
Women, the study claims to have found, feel less attractive on Mondays, especially in the morning. Thus, as the release explains,…”Concentrate media during prime vulnerability moments, aligning with content involving tips and tricks, instant beauty rescues, dressing for the success, getting organized for the week and empowering stories.”
Girl, you’re wonderful and amazing and I am stone cold loving you RIGHT NOW, but only if you use this new eyeshadow and put a compress on those eyes. Jesus.
Oh, guess what. Women are vulnerable other times too, so there is any number of times you can try to sell them things by exploiting their bad feels! Women feel bad in the morning AND at night. They feel bad when they sweat. They feel bad when they are lonely. They feel bad after they cry. They feel bad when they’re stressed. THINK OF ALL THE SHIT YOU CAN SELL THEM BY MAKING THEM FEEL EVEN WORSE.
You should ALSO ad target the ladies when they’re feeling just fine and ready to go out and tear it up on the weekend, because then you can faux-empower them by still kinda sorta intimating that they’d look better if they, well, just did something different with their hair/clothes/makeup/body/soul.
To go along with this approach, labeled the “encourage” strategy*, marketers should deploy a complementary “empower” phase on Thursdays, when women are supposedly feeling their best. “Thursday offers prime opportunities for marketing messages and in-store/promotional activity around celebrating best beauty looks, dressing for the weekend, and shopping get-togethers,” the study cheerfully advises.
We cheerfully advise this study to eat a big bowl of lipstick covered dicks.