Apr 27, 2018
Some fine art for your Christian home to remind you Jesus is watching when you have sex with a tiger
Hey, naked Adam! Hey, naked Eve! Whatcha doin’? Bein’ white? That makes sense. Everyone knows we started white, in Mesopotamia, and then, we don’t know, the Curse of Ham something something? We’re a bit behind on our Christian Identity newsletters. Anyway, here is Jesus. He is stone cold pimping out Eve, like, she has really hot breasts man, you wanna suck on them? Also, there is a tiger. Why? Because the new Greatest Artist in the Universe (go to hell Jon McNaughton), Nathan Greene, says there are. Let us look at some more Jesus art of Jesus photobombing the hell out of all your precious memories! (Of when you had sex with that tiger.)
Here is Jesus watching your daughter as she sleeps. He has basically sneaked into her room like the crazy guy who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart 🙁
Here is Jesus stone cold doin’ some capitalism. You know what you do when you are doing business with someone who goes on and on about doing business Christian-like? You run. We once had a travel agent (they were people who bought airplane tickets for you, for some unknown reason) who was actually working out of the back of a church, and who stole all the money for the airplane tickets, after she hugged us and God Blessed Us. That travel agent went to jail.
Jesus and his golden retriever, Sam, have cured your son of being in a wheelchair. That’s just dumb. Who has this painting? Someone with a baby in a wheelchair? Don’t you love your baby as he is? Do you want him to feel even worse because Jesus has not cured him of being in a wheelchair? Go fuck yourself.
UPDATE: Commenter Actor212 rightly notes
Trix, look again: the kid is DEAD. Those are the bright gates of heaven and the children are running into the light. This painting is for parents who wish their crippled kid was dead. Also dead: Sam, the golden retriever because dogs should be dead as well in Christendom
Actor is right. It is a fucking snuff painting! AIYEEEE!!!!!
That living room is ugly, and also Jesus needs to stop touching all the children all the time. Jesus, Jesus!
Where is this sick child’s mom? Why is there only a nurse (and Jesus) there? What is she, off whoring around? (“Working” at her “job.”)
Jesus, have you considered you might be in the way?
“Playing God? I AM GOD.”
Aw, that’s nice. Good for you little girl. And good for you Nathan Greene, for getting the Subway ad in there. Time to get paiiiiiid.
Why is Jesus not on this battlefield? TRICK QUESTION. Jesus, obviously, is a Confederate soldier, giving succor to his enemies, those dastardly Union thugs what broke the Constitution Jesus wrote.