Jessa Duggar Stars in “Why Don’t We Get Married and Screw” (Update: Hoax)

Jessa gets her passport stamped in Bonertown.

Jessa gets her passport stamped in Bonertown.

UPDATE: The website (and comment) is merely subtle, dry satire. So it’s all fake. Once you’re in on the joke, the “My Life as a Stay-at-home Wife and Mom” blog is actually pretty funny, though, if you’re interested.

How eager was 21-year-old Jessa to enjoy all the perks of married life, by which we mean cock? So eager that she allegedly got to know her new hubby biblically right there in the church between the wedding and the reception.

So says a commenter at the blog “My Life as a Stay-at-home Wife and Mom.”

(Yes, it was a commenter and not the blogger herself, a fact many news/gossip sites are glossing over. Adjust your credulity level accordingly.)

Here’s the comment:

Hello! This is Mary- it was so wonderful to meet you Saturday [at Jessa’s wedding]…

As I mentioned to you at the reception I was very upset when I was told about the incident that was witnessed by [my daughters] when the door to the room [Jessa and Ben] were in was accidently opened. I am not sure why they would not wait for the evening to pray and then consumate God’s marriage. The Lord has blessed them and brought them together. To hear so many people discussing what they inadvertendly walked into was heartbreaking and troubling. Why did this happen? How could this beautiful, joyus day now be forever tainted and destroyed by rumors about what the girls may (or may not have) seen? And if this is true why would they commit such an act in the Lord’s home…the same Lord who guided them together. This really made me question Ben’s headship and leadership skills. I pray he is not swayed to evil. I pray he acts as strong husband and worship leader to Miss Jessa. I have a terrible, [gut] feeling. I have tried talking to my husband about this but he has said he will not talk about it until he prays about it and gets an answer from the Lord. This on average takes about 48 hours for him to recieve an answer.

I’m not sure whether to be more disturbed by the medieval “headship and leadership” garbage or the fact that Our Heavenly Father has a 48-hour backlog on prayer answering. Maybe He should learn to delegate. Although He seems to only trust important jobs to family members.

Okay, no, it’s the “headship” thing that bothers me, and not the type of headship that Jessa may or may not have been given her lawfully wedded husband in the back of the church. What outrages me is that Mary—who is a 100% believer in Ben’s authority over Jessa—somehow decides it’s 100% the woman’s fault, AS INAPPROPRIATE SEXYTIMES ALWAYS ARE.

Here, check out Mary’s follow-up comment:

MULTIPLE people were discussing that when Jinger opened the door to get Jess[a] for the reception, she immediately closed the door with a look of shock on her face. A big group of the girls were waiting outside the room to walk with her out (including 2 camera operators to get the shot of them leaving from behind, with two in front) and my own daughters saw as well, even though Jinger only opened the door about 6 inches before realizing what was going on. Ben needs to be a stronger leader and not allow Jessa to be led away by temptation. This was so disappointing and the talk of the reception. This responsibily lays on the woman, as it’s proven that men have a much harder time.

Yes, guys can’t control themselves so they’re not really to blame. She really shouldn’t have led him astray like that. A godly woman knows her husband can’t be held responsible for where he puts his penis.

Bullshit. THIS IS WHY THE REST OF THE WORLD MOVED ON WITHOUT YOU ASSHOLES.

(I’d also like to point out that Mary goes from “Ben needs to be a stronger leader and not allow Jessa to be led away by temptation” to “This responsibily lays on the woman, as it’s proven that men have a much harder time” in just two sentences. Her consistency is as bad as her spelling.)

Do I think Jinger got more of an eyeful than she expected when she opened that door? Yes. Do I think Jessa and Ben were fucking? No, probably not. But so what if they were? They got married; they obeyed your rules; they were behind a closed door… let these two consenting adults get to the genital smushing already!

UPDATE: The new season of 19 Kids & Counting has arrived! Recaps here!

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  • Nyumbu

    I call Poe on that blog. I suspect someone from freejinger is behind it.

  • guppy06

    and if you think after all that misery I was going to subject myself to the Duggars at 2 in the morning, you’re crazy

    If you didn’t enjoy misery, you wouldn’t be here.

  • Jesse

    I thought the review from last weeks episode was going to be posted soon?

    • Done, finally! Sorry for the delay!

      • Jesse

        Thank you sir, hilarious as always