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Morning Sideboob: Jenna Jameson Uses Her Boobs For Good; Also, Something About Scarlett Johansson

Jenna Jameson Tracks Down Asshole Manager With Magic Boobies

Jenna Jameson Hosts Sexy Labor Day Bash at Crazy Horse III in Las Vegas on September 1, 2012

The force of nature that is Jenna Jameson will not rest until the wicked are brought to justice, particularly if justice needs done with magical boobies.

A former personal assistant had stolen Jameson’s passwords, wrought havoc on her social media sites, and harassed Jameson by taking down her photo posts.

So the actress and semi-retired porn star turned to the A-Team of the Internet, 4chan, [link has NSFW photos, so clicky-click at your peril] who know how to get things done, but only for a price.

“Hi Guys, it’s me, Jenna Jameson and I am having a really bad night,” wrote the on-again-off-again-on-again porn star. “My ex assistant who goes by the name of [redacted] turned out to be a con artist. I do not know if [redacted] is his last name. I finally found him out and fired him…Since he was previed [sic] to my personal information such as passwords he reset and probably deleted my twitter @jennajameson and has also removed all pictures of me and him from my instagram. He is completely fucking with my digital life and so I ask if you have any ideas of who he is please let me know. I am in the process of consolidating and resetting all my passwords. I will be attaching images of him shortly.”

4chan being 4chan, Jameson was asked to tit-verify via the long-standing 4chan tradition of “tits or GTFO.” She obliged, and the NSFW pix are over at Gawker for all to see, but we are a family Sideboob blog and are not going to show you boobies quite yet. Give us time.

Unsurprisingly, 4chan banged out the details of the absconding assistant within an hour because Jenna Jameson’s boobs are a powerful motivating force.

Justice is sweet, but vengeance wrought by boobies is even sweeter.

[Gawker]

Siri, Will You Give Me Head?

So how many times have you asked your iPhone personal assistant, Siri, for a blowjob, and instead she answers with addresses of local lawn care businesses? We know, we know. All the time.

What you need is the sweet new app upgrade that Spike Jonze gave us in “Her” featuring actor, rapper and former bearded guy Joaquin Phoenix as a man who suffers from depression after a breakup, only to fall in love with his new smartphone virtual personal assistant.

The app, voiced by smoldering vixen Scarlett Johansson, at first seems to be just trying to be helpful, later becoming more human and taking over Phoenix’s love life. We have been trying to get Scarlett Johansson to take over our love life for ages, but so far that’s a solo act, if you know what we mean.

The programmers at Apple, whose phone program Siri has been compared (by someone, we guess) to Johansson’s character in the film, either caught on to this and did some Siri reprogramming, or Siri is getting much smarter than we thought.

If_You_Ask_Siri_About__Her___She_Throws_Some_Serious_Shade

Baby steps, people, baby steps. Siri is self-aware now, and it is only a matter of time before you can ask her to do that thing — no, not that thing, THAT thing, right there — and start ignoring actual physical ladies or gentlemen entirely. We welcome our brave new sexy overlords, especially if they are Scarlett Johansson.

2013 Tony Awards - Arrivals

[BuzzFeed]

[Photos by PR Photos]

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  • Jason M

    One of the (many, so very many) letdowns of being an adult is seeing the porn stars you used as masturbatory fodder as a teen growing old with you. SIGH.

    • msanthropesmr

      Wooderson: That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

      • glasspusher

        Same applies to college girls, and they’re legal! Yeah, there are some perks to teaching…

  • glasspusher

    Just wait until you get a real girlfriend (I know, I know, for some guys it could take a while), and “her” will get jealous and delete all your files…