May 29, 2018
Jem “One Jem Too Many” (part 3 of 3)
After a commercial break, everyone stands around whining, except for Jem, who’s the star and thus is far more courageous and resourceful than anyone else. She finds a “fire axe”, saying that she’s not gonna go down like a little bitch. She orders them to grab the other “fire axes” and chop up the ferry to make a raft. Look, just roll with it.
Team Hologram does just that, and by the end of it they’ve got a glorious raft.
Kimber: Outrageous, it floats!
She did not just say that.
So they row to shore, but they’ve only got an hour before the concert starts. Will they get back in time?
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Elsewhere, Bizarro Jem casually arrives at the concert with her new band, the Misfits, and her new manager, the Suit. She predictably acts like a bitch, and even goes so far as to demand “a bucket of caviar”. Ew.
Meanwhile, the real Jem and her crew are stuck because of sudden fog. Rio apologizes to his second girlfriend for thinking she was a jerk, and then stupidly goes on to mention his first girlfriend. Buddy, really, just choose one. Although it doesn’t really matter either way.
Kimber interrupts the moment by resuming her duties in stating the obvious: Their raft is coming apart! They all start to freak, but Jem uses her Super Hearing and tells everyone that there are “breakers” on the shore. Whatever that means. And so, they start paddling like mad.
At the concert, the Misfits are in Jem’s dressing room, and Clash as Bizarro Jem is throwing Jem’s clothes around, while the Suit prepares to call the tabloids with his hilariously large cell phone. They’re all very excited over the imminent death of Jem…’s career.
Back to our heroes. Even though their raft breaks apart, they manage to get to shore anyway, and they start running back to the concert, where Bizarro Jem and the Misfits are still screwing around. The Suit even fires all of Jem’s roadies. Those bastards!
So the real Jem and Company try to hitch a ride with some little girl and her dad, but Pops is worried that Jem will try to rip off his steering wheel and use it to choke his daughter. It’s okay, though, because the little girl really and truly believes in her idol. Well, that, and Jem bribes them with front row seats to the concert. So Pops changes his tune in a second, and it’s off to save the day!
Back at the concert, the crowd is booing, because Jem hasn’t appeared yet. The Suit puts his hands together all evil-like, and tells Bizarro Jem to let them stew a little bit longer, just to get them even angrier at Jem. When Bizarro Jem does eventually get on stage, the first thing she does is tell her audience to shut up, which of course, they don’t like all that much.
Bizarro Jem continues to spew hate. Just then, the real Jem and her friends drive up to the stage, miraculously not running over anyone in the process. Jem confronts the imposter, and challenges Bizarro Jem to prove her outrageousness by singing. The fake Jem tries to sing and sounds horrible, which makes me wonder how she can be a legitimate band member in another legitimate (though satanic) band, but I guess in Jem World, a bad voice goes hand in hand with evilness. So, okay.
Everyone boos. Rio actually goes so far as to get a truck full of tomatoes and encourage the crowd to throw them at Fake Jem.
Ouch. Fake Jem’s mask comes off, and she’s revealed as Clash. The paparazzi sense the scandal using their keen supernatural abilities, and materialize on the scene, taking pictures like mad. Clash runs off and bumps into the Misfits and their evil manager, knocking them down like a bowling ball, and before they can get up again, they’re met by Jem’s crew.
Jem and Company look like they’re about to open up a can of whoop-ass, so the resident bad girls and the Suit flee before they can sustain any damage. But just you wait, Jem. They’ll get you, and your little manwhore too.
So, once again, the day is saved, thanks to Jem… and the Holograms! And Rio. So how do they celebrate? By singing another really lame song, of course! They perform “The Real Me”, complete with flashing stars, and totally outrageous dance moves!
Watching all this is a love-struck Rio, who once again has totally forgotten that he already has a girlfriend.
Oh, and with witty lyrics like “How can I be so unkind? / I’d have to be out of my mind!” the crowd goes wild, loving the cheese, and literally losing their minds with glee. I guess the music really is contagious.
The show ends with Jem being carried off on the shoulders of her adoring fans, having reclaimed her status as the most perfect and popular and well-loved and amazing and brave and kind person in the entire universe ever.
Actually, despite my snark, I really did love this episode, and I adore this show. ‘80s cartoons sure were cracktastic.
Next up: Jem and the Holograms travel!
… through time?