Jane the Virgin: Save the Drama for Your Mama

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Previously on Jane the Virgin:

  • Michael and Jane are getting married! #WeddingOfTheCentury
  • Since the Villanueva house is still under construction, Rogelio had his show build a set of the house to hold the wedding there
  • Jane and Xiomara got into a big fight after Jane’s bachelorette party
  • Rafael got super drunk and…did some insider trading? Huh. Rafael is kind of a boring drunk, honestly.
  • Petra’s long-lost identical twin sister, Anezka, has turned out on her doorstep. Twin hijinks!
  • Jane’s super feminist and super mean adviser, Professor Donaldson, hates Jane’s novel

Get it? Got it? No? Too bad. We’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.

The Narrator explains that when Jane was younger, she loved salsa dancing so much that she begged to take salsa lessons. Alba was against the idea but Xiomara agreed. When the salsa recital arrived, Jane refused to perform because she was a terrible dancer. Alba insisted that she follow through with the lessons, but Xiomara secretly let Jane skip it to make her happy.

Jeez. With Xiomara indulging Jane’s every whim, it’s a miracle Jane didn’t turn out spoiled.

Now, in the present day, Xiomara has become firmer in dealing with Jane but that’s only because she is still angry about their fight. Jane asks Xiomara to baby-sit Mateo but Xiomara refuses.

“I thought you didn’t want me taking care of your child since I’m so immature and irresponsible,” she sniffs.

Jane is annoyed but Michael quickly steps in to baby-sit since everyone else is so busy. Rogelio especially has his hands full: he’s not-so-subtly trying to plan Jane’s wedding for her and fend off network executives who demand to know why a time-traveling telenovela built a boring replica of his daughter’s living room. Rogelio promises that it is part of a “slice of life” episode and then quickly orders his writers to crank out an episode before they all get in trouble.

Rafael and Petra have their own double trouble to deal with–literally. First, Petra has to figure out what to do with her long-lost twin sister who was abandoned at an orphanage and then saw Petra’s photo in a magazine and journeyed across the ocean to reunite with her only family. Petra can’t just send poor Anezka away; Anezka literally described her orphanage as being like “the movie Annie, only no nice Ms. Hannigan”. But Petra can hardly focus on Anezka when Rafael informs her that Barbara Fairwick is selling her successful hotel and the Marbella needs to purchase it so they can start making some cash.

Meanwhile, Jane is still struggling to impress her adviser, Professor Donaldson. Donaldson isn’t impressed with Jane’s romance story about a salsa dancer in 1960s Cuba and suggests that she keep working on it. Jane doesn’t really know how to fix that problem and she certainly doesn’t know how to handle Mateo saying his first word, “da-da”, to Michael.

In front of Rafael.

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“I don’t care if I have 50% of your DNA. That white man is my da-da.

Rogelio’s writers aren’t writing a decent enough episode so he turns to the showrunner on his former telenovela, Head Writer/Nurse Carla, for help. He begs her to write an excuse to use the living room set, even though this is the same woman who blindsided Rogelio by killing off his character. Luckily for Rogelio, Carla agrees to write the episode with no ulterior motives.

Now with that settled, Rogelio can focus on annoying helping Jane with the wedding. As a surprise, he turns Jane’s TA office into wedding central. Has the Villanueva family learned nothing about surprising Jane at her workplace? We literally had a stripper debacle last episode. I guess Rogelio thinks wedding plans are fine, although Jane is terribly embarrassed when Professor Donaldson stops by Jane’s office and silently judges the whole thing. And if that wasn’t enough, Rogelio condescendingly assures Professor Donaldson that she too will get married someday.

The stripper grinding on Jane in front of college students and parents was less embarrassing than this.

Jane attempts to apologize but Professor Donaldson brushes her off. Fed up with the cold shoulder, Jane snaps.

“Is your problem with me or my writing?” she demands.

“Both, actually,” replies Professor Donaldson.

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Ouch.

Jane snaps back that it’s almost the end of the year and luckily they won’t have to deal with each other and storms out.

Meanwhile, Petra and Anezka meet with Magda to explain the “separated at birth” thing. Magda shrugs that she was a single mom and couldn’t afford both so she just picked the prettier baby that didn’t have epilepsy.

Also, ouch.

Petra voices her disgust but Magda is unbothered. She warns Anezka that Petra is probably already plotting on how to get rid of her. Although this is true, Petra announces that Anezka will stay with her indefinitely because she is better than Magda. Of course, Petra comes to regret this promise when Anezka accidentally punches Barbara Fairwick and messes up the hotel deal. Luckily, Anezka’s sad sack story makes everyone feel sorry for her and grateful for their relatively normal childhood but Barbara Fairwick informs Rafael and Petra that another bid came in higher and unless they can’t match it, the deal is off.

Rafael and Petra don’t have any more cash to spare but they both want to provide for their families. Against his better judgement, Rafael decides to use the money he made from the insider trading for the hotel bid.

Rogelio makes another attempt to help Jane by luring her and Xiomara to the set and trying to force them to talk to each other. Unfortunately, the two just end up arguing and storm off. Rogelio can’t figure out a way to get them to make up, but Head Writer Carla does! They invite Xiomara and Jane to the taping of the episode, which is about a mother and daughter coming to terms with the fact that their lives are changing and they are moving apart. It’s cheesy and totally obvious–but it works. Jane and Xiomara apologize to each other and all is well.

The network executives are confused so Carla tells them that the family are secretly clones whom Rogelio has to defeat.

“That makes more sense,” they agree.

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“Evil clones are way more realistic than mother-daughter fights!”

Rogelio thanks Head Writer Carla for her hard work and she admits that she is impressed with how much he cares about his family and he admits that she is prettier than he previously thought. The two kiss even though if I was Head Writer Carla, I would be mildly insulted.

Inspired by her make up with Xiomara, Jane rewrites her romance novel to include a subplot about a mother and daughter. And guess what? Professor Donaldson doesn’t totally hate it! She invites Jane back to the grad program next year and everything is great!

Sort of. After the Da-Da Debacle, Rafael wants a more active presence in Mateo’s life while Michael wants more responsibility as he is about to become a step-father. Jane assures Michael that they will figure out a plan–somehow.

Also: there’s a creepy photographer that is secretly taking photos of Michael and I don’t think it’s a wedding photographer trying to go the extra mileage.

Let’s review:

  • Some creep is following Michael around
  • Rogelio is moving on from Xiomara with Head Writer Carla
  • Petra’s long lost twin is hanging around and accidentally causing trouble
  • Rafael’s insider trading is definitely going to bite him in this ass

And we still have a wedding to look forward to! Wonder what drama is going to unfold there…

Susan Velazquez

Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.

TV Show: Jane the Virgin

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