Jane the Virgin: Hate to Burst Your Bubble But...

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Previously on Jane the Virgin:

  • Michael declared his love for Jane! And Jane declared her love for Michael!
  • Rafael still loves Jane but he’s willing to settle for Petra just to get some love in his life.
  • Michael and the police department set up a trap to catch Rose/Sin Rostro and Elena/Mutter. Susanna was shot, Rose was mysteriously strangled, and Elena is still at large.
  • Xiomara and Rogelio broke up (AGAIN) because she doesn’t want any more kids and he does.
  • Rogelio had a pen pal in prison, who is probably out and about and knows his deepest, darkest secrets.

Get it? Got it? No? Too bad. We’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.

The episode picks up moments from the last one where Michael declared her love for Jane and Jane told him that she was #TeamJaMichael all the way. The two catch up, make out, catch up, make out, etc. Jane is happy to be a bubble of love but then realizes she has to let Rafael know that she is getting back together with Michael. If you don’t remember, Rafael kinda hates Michael. They agree that Michael needs to apologize to Rafael and they can start fresh.

Speaking of a fresh start, Rogelio and Xiomara have decided to “consciously uncouple” instead of being bitter exes. Xiomara is even accompanying Rogelio to the premiere of his telenovela. Now that the awkwardness is out of the way, Rogelio brags about his new assistant Paola, who used to work for J. Lo. The Villanueva women roll their eyes at the name dropping and head off to their respective work.

Jane starts waitressing at the Marbella again, where there is already drama. Lina is being accused of stealing and Petra is furious that a viral video mocking the Marbella’s history of death and drug lords is driving away customers. She announces to Rafael that they need to shoot their own commercial highlighting the Marbella’s positives. Why bother? Does the Marbella have any positives besides Pinterest-worthy decor? Personally, I think Rafael and Petra should cut their losses and start running a “haunted hotel” angle.

2

Just imagine the Ryan Murphy miniseries!

Susanna returns to work the day after she got shot, much to Luisa’s dismay. She’s not really in a good place after seeing her ex-girlfriend get shot by her other ex-girlfriend/ex step-mother. Luisa turns to drinking again and considering the fact that she pulled out a big bottle of vodka, something tells me she’s been doing this for awhile. Luckily, Jane and Lina hold a stakeout to catch the liquor bandit and find Luisa. They offer to get her some help and Luisa accepts.

Meanwhile, Rogelio notices that someone has been rummaging in his dressing room. Paola tells him that he might have a stalker. “Something very similar happened on Maid in Manhattan,” she tells him. Rogelio is so flattered that he might have a stalker just like his idol and gets wrapped up in his little bubble of narcissism. He doesn’t notice that Paola stole his underwear. Uh-oh. The stalker is coming from inside the dressing room!

Jane and Michael have lunch with Rafael to get his blessing for their relationship. Let’s see if you can guess how the meeting went based on Rafael’s expression in this screencap.

1

You get three guesses.

Jane is still angry at Rafael when the two attend a swim lesson together with Baby Mateo. Aw. Baby Mateo is so cute. If Jane the Virgin ever gets a spin off show, it should be “Baby Mateo Does Stuff For An Hour”. It could win an Emmy!

Anyway, Rafael finally realizes that Jane is not interested in him anymore (*cough* just wait until the writers decide she is *cough*) and reluctantly gives his blessing for Jane and Michael’s relationship. He does warn her that Michael’s job involves him making dangerous choices and there’s no guarantee that he will able to keep Jane and Mateo out of danger.

Oh, and you would Mr. I Own A Murder Hotel?

Anyway, Jane catches Luisa getting drunk in the hotel and calls in Susanna to take care of her. Meanwhile, Xiomara and Rogelio hook up again and Jane finds out. She warns Xiomara that Rogelio is still hoping that Xiomara will change her mind about having kids. And with that, Xiomara’s blissful bubble is popped. Xiomara realizes that “consciously uncoupling” isn’t as easy. It’s just as weird and awkward as it sounds.

3

But Gwyneth and Chris made it look so easy!

“Concious uncoupling” gets harder for Xiomara when she tries to catch up on the shows in her DVR and remembers she was supposed to watching a show with Rogelio. Xiomara finally cries as she realizes the implications of the break up and Jane comforts her. Both women stay home and skip Rogelio’s premiere. Paola tells Rogelio that it’s unfair that he always has to play second fiddle in the Villanueva family and urges him to isolate himself stand up for himself. Jane ends up arriving to the premiere late but Rogelio tells her that he is hurt that she never picks him.

Rafael is also worried that Jane and Mateo will forget all about him when she gets back together, even though Jane assures Rafael that he is always welcome in her family. Rafael tries to hitch his wagon to Petra and declares that he will be there for her and the twins. He even kisses her! However, Petra is not that blonde. She correctly figures out that Rafael is just stinging from Jane’s rejection and sends him away. Hurt, Rafael drinks his troubles away at the Marbella bar and flirts with a woman. Oh no! Is he going back to his bad boy ways?

Well, in his defense, he’s about to have three kids and hasn’t had sex in over a year and both of his baby mamas are mad at him.

4

Get it, Rafael. You kinda deserve it.

Rogelio returns to his home after the premiere where Paola is waiting. She announces that she has installed new security features so he won’t have to be afraid of his stalker–security system, alarms, bars on windows so no one can get out. “You mean so no one can get in,” corrects Rogelio. Nope, says Paola. So he can’t get out. Paola reveals herself to be Lola, Rogelio’s crazy prison pen pal and she announces her intentions to take him hostage. She also adds that she never worked for J.Lo.

For Rogelio, that is the truly scary party.

So to recap:

  • Rogelio is being held hostage by his crazy prison pen pal
  • Luisa needs to go to rehab
  • Michael and Jane are back together (again)
  • Rogelio and Xiomara broke up (again)
  • Since neither of his baby mamas wants him, Rafael is becoming a bad boy again
  • Mateo is a cute baby

Susan Velazquez

Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.

TV Show: Jane the Virgin

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