Jane the Virgin: Not A Gary Marshall's Mother's Day

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Previously on Jane the Virgin:

  • Jane and Michael are getting married. The Latin Lover Narrator says there’s 17 days until the wedding. In TV time, that means seven seasons. Hang in there #Team JaMichael!
  • Rogelio is in love with Head Writer Carla but she prefers to be employee/employer with benefits
  • Petra’s twin sister Anezka placed an ad offering essay writing services under Jane’s name at the university paper to get her fired
  • Speaking of family sabotage, Derek is secretly angry that Rafael searched his boat and is plotting against him

Get it? Got it? No? Too bad, we’re diving headfirst into telenovela land.

The Narrator explains that the Villanueva women have a special Mother’s Day tradition: sitting in their PJs and watching telenovelas. Wow, what a amazingly simple yet sweet way for a family to spend this holiday together.

Meanwhile, somewhere Gary Marshall is trying to figure out how to connect a divorced single mom, an adopted child, Julia Roberts, and a bad wig into one coherent film.

To her credit, Petra is trying to make things simple by hosting a Mother’s Day Brunch for everyone in the Solano-Villanueva-Whatever Petra’s Last Name is family although Xiomara and Alba are annoyed that the brunch is throwing off their family tradition.

Meanwhile, Rogelio’s time-traveling telenovela is having a crossover with his nemesis Esteban’s show. Michael is also on the set of the show as Rogelio’s bodyguard but gets promoted to combat advisor after he beats up Esteban in a mock sword fight. Yes, once again Rogelio is caught up in endless one-upmanship with Esteban as he tries to remain focused on impressing Head Writer Carla. Rogelio is hurt after he goes through Carla’s phone and finds out she is having a birthday party that weekend and didn’t invite him. He confronts Carla and she explains that her friends are a little more intellectual than Rogelio and she figured they wouldn’t get along. Rogelio insists that he is smart enough to hang out with her friends so Dina agrees to include him in her plans.

And Rogelio is smart–he knows to call in Jane to help him prepare for Dina’s parties. Jane offers helpful handouts on current events and reminders to not talk about the Kardashians.

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Rogelio is saddened by this sudden censorship.

So we all know this is telenovela land, the land of long-lost twins and drug lord mothers, but I find it too much of a stretch to the imagination that the phony university ad that Anezka placed actually got hits. I mean, does anybody read newspapers anymore, let alone college ones? Anyway, Jane’s boss and adviser see the ad and call her in to demand to know why she is profiting off plagiarism.  Jane insists that she is being set up and swears to prove that someone else wrote the fake ad.

This mystery ends up taking less time than I thought. Jane emails the ad placer and notices the weird sentence structure in the reply back. And then of course, she hears Anezka using the same exact stilted English and realizes Anezka is the culprit! Jane tells Petra of her suspicions and Petra promises to deal with Anezka herself. Anezka apologizes for the ad, explaining that she thought Petra was giving a hint to destroy Jane.

“There was no hint!” says Petra. “My God, I am not completely evil anymore!”

Anezka adds that she overheard Jane calling Petra a bad mother, which makes Petra confront Jane. The two get in a fight over Petra’s parenting skills and Petra channels her mama bear instinct to tell Jane that she believes Anezka didn’t place the ad so Jane should back off!

Meanwhile, Derek’s one episode plotting against Rafael finally comes to a head: he demands ownership of the new hotel Rafael is building or else he will go the Feds and tell them about Rafael’s accidental insider trading. Rafael is forced to sign over his new hotel for a dollar.

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It’s the friends and family discount.

It’s time for Carla’s birthday party and Rogelio gets nervous and begs Jane to come to the birthday dinner. As everyone talks, Jane secretly texts Rogelio conversation points so he sounds smart enough to Dina. Things are going well until an Autocorrect mishap accidentally convinces everyone that Rogelio is a Nazi-sympathizer–Note to Apple: Don’t correct “NATO” to “Nazi”. Rogelio admits the whole ruse to Dina and she thinks it’s sweet that he went through all that trouble to impress her.

After dinner, Jane admits to Rogelio that part of her still hoped that he and Xiomara would get back together and she’d have the perfect family.

“It’s the Parent Trap,” says Rogelio. “It’s an evocative film.”

Jane realizes she won’t ever be young Lindsay Lohan and accepts that her parents aren’t getting back together. It’s a good thing she realized that now because, uh, Xiomara hooked up with Esteban.

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Who needs Tinder when you can hook up with your ex’s worst enemy?

Petra’s Mother’s Day lunch is an awkward mess: Jane is coldly polite to Petra and Anezka, Rafael admits the hotel snafu to Jane but not Petra, Michael wants to kickstart another investigation into Derek, and the Villanueva family made a Mother’s Day tribute to Jane but not Petra. Luckily, Anezka jumps up and gives a heart-warming speech about how hard Petra has worked (read: schemed) to provide a good life for her daughters. Everyone is touched, except Jane who gets annoyed that Anezka still won’t admit to being behind the ad. Jane and Petra get into another argument that triggers an epileptic fit in Anezka.

Jane and Petra make up in the hospital waiting room but when Anezka is released, she admits to the sabotage and this makes Jane angry all over again. She accuses Petra of covering for Anezka and stomps off. However, Jane is mad at the wrong twin–not just because Anezka was the one who probably made Jane loser her job, but Anezka isn’t as sweet and innocent as she seems. Anezka is seen impersonating Petra to the nannies and who knows who else she can convince.

Meanwhile, Petra confronts Rafael for confiding in Jane about the insider training and not her. She reminds Rafael that out of his baby mamas, she is the only who handles the scheming and blackmailing stuff. It’s a good thing Rafael’s got Petra on his side because as it turns out, Derek is in cahoots with Mutter.

Gee, ya don’t say? Am I the only one who never bought that Derek could have been a good guy? He had “bad” written all over him like a Gary Marshall film.

So let’s review:

  • Derek is evil
  • So is Anezka
  • Rogelio is dating Carla and Xiomara might be dating Esteban. #doubledate?
  • Jane and Michael are getting married!

Susan Velazquez

Susan is a recent college grad and writer who enjoys all things from the 1980s, snarking on dumb television, and reveling in celebrity gossip. Oh, and she has serious interests like reading historical fiction, getting involved in social issues, and consuming French fries.

TV Show: Jane the Virgin

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