Hurry, Your Local Drugstore’s Bargain Candy Bonanza Is Almost Over

Look, don’t be ashamed to buy out-of-season Halloween candy. Or be ashamed, but still do it because cheap candy, yes! Putting on a nice outfit might help you feel less gross about filling your arms with marked-down junk food, so think about wearing your good slippers for a change.

PRO TIP: you can divide price by weight to find the best bargains. Also, don’t hurt yourself rushing to your nearest chain pharmacy, because the best stuff is already gone. Maybe get your act together next time, huh?

Discount Bag
IMG_8029 This Discount Bag has Starbursts, which is weird because everything else is chocolate-oriented. Love the Twix, but could use some KitKats. Also, why is it so hard to find Almond Joys/Mounds in these bags? Perfect (plausible) bag: KitKats, Almond Joys, Dark Mars, Reese’s. Fact.

Marshmallow Shape
IMG_8027 No, it’s not “marshmallow” strictly speaking, but the orange goo inside these is good, and they’re big and embarrassing enough that you can eat just one “serving.”

Hurricane Box
IMG_8030 You tell yourself these will last through winter. They’ll be gone in a month. You tell yourself you’ll share them. Yeah, ok.

Weird Corns
IMG_8031 You’ve already had your fill of regular candy corns at regular price like a sucker. But these aren’t candy corns. They’re much worse, but still OK. Kind of like jelly beans without shells. Slight medicine taste doesn’t linger.

Caramel Shapes
IMG_8032 These are fine. They’re candy. You can stack three together if you’re feeling depressed and you want to make it worse.

Reese’s Anything
IMG_8033 These are the same as the ones you can buy year-round, but certain aggregations of them are cheaper, so stock up. They keep forever, and some even say they improve with age. To a point.

Oh my god these things
IMG_8034 They look like tooth-loosening bank candy but damn. These particular ones have a gooier version of peanut butter in the middle. Eat ten of them and pass out happy. Peanut butter is good for you!

NEXT: Do chocolate snowmen taste EVEN BETTER after you drop them on the floor?

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  • BraunKommando

    Way more porny and decadent than anything that has been posted in the sideboob section…