May 29, 2018
House Of Cards Spoiler Parade Recap: Don't You Wish You Could Murder Your Blackberry?
If you’ve watched these all the way straight through, you’ve probably reached some sort of hallucinogenic fugue state right now. You’ll be seeing Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright in your dreams. Actually, come to think of it, that doesn’t sound so bad. Let’s forge ahead to episode eleven of “House of Cards.” As always, previous recaps here, and also too as always, spoilers from here on out.
Wherein Doug Stamper lives the dream
See that tangled little bit of plastic wreckage there in the corner of the picture? That, friends, is Doug Stamper’s Blackberry, which he just crushed to pieces with his bare hands when he realized someone was likely tracking him. Who among us has not wanted to murder our cellphone, particularly if it was a Blackberry? Doug, you are a super creepy sadist and probably a killer, but we kind of love you for the phone crushing.
The very rich are different
…mainly because they can do things like build an actual barbershop in the basement of their home because it is too inconvenient to leave the house for a haircut.
Now, don’t get us wrong. We totally agree that if we were insanely rich, we’d make getting a haircut much more convenient, but Raymond has an actual barbershop — complete with a place for multiple towels and a shoeshine chair — in the basement. What does the barber do all day when Raymond isn’t around? Wouldn’t this be the cushiest barber gig ever?
The most unexpected three-way
Did you see the Frank/Claire/Meechum three-way coming?? Oh shut up, you did not. There were definitely enough weird breadcrumbs along the way that there was something up with Meechum, but we were guessing at a Frank-sanctioned affair between Claire and Meechum, not hot hot MMF action. We’re still puzzling out how two people so concerned with safety and privacy think fucking the Secret Service guy is a good idea, and now we are afraid Meechum will get killed at some point in order to cover up this little encounter. Sleeping with Frank isn’t exactly safe.
Tune in next hour to see what happens after you go full three-way.