House Of Cards Spoiler Parade Recap: Casual Friday President's Day

By now you are on hour ten of your “House of Cards” watching. Hopefully you took a nap or a shower or a walk or all of the above before pressing on this far. You’ll need it for the big finish. You know the drill: do not read past the jump if you don’t want spoilers. How many times do we have to tell you?

Everything else is here if you need to catch up.

Situation Room casual time with the prez

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We have a nascent crisis because China has sailed into Japan’s territory or stole an island from Japan or we didn’t really follow that part. Some complicated thing is happening in the Pacific, and it’s ‘Merica’s problem, so everyone has to hit the Situation Room and talk it out, including a casual Friday President Walker. Doesn’t his outfit just scream “in control, yet chill?”

The worst pillow talk ever

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Remy and Jackie are in bed. Weird. We actually thought they went their separate ways ages ago. That’s what happens when you watch an entire show in two days. Anyway. Remy + Jackie sexytime is happening, with some bog-standard talk about her tattoo, and how she likes when it hurts, and blah blah blah and then she blurts out “I killed a lot of people.” Remy is, understandably, thrown off his game. She specifies that it was in the Army, all the killing, and then demands he finish. She seems fun.

The giantest headphones we have ever seen

Frank, for reasons that are not yet clear, decides he wants his Secret Service agent to catch him watching some porn, but doesn’t want to be gauche about it, so he puts on some headphones. ENORMOUS FUCKING HEADPHONES.

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Seriously, look at the size of those things. We’d never be able to fap wearing those, because we wouldn’t be able to hold our head up straight. Our noggins would droop like wilted celery or like babies that don’t have fully formed neck muscles yet, and neither of those things is hot.

Keep watching to find out if there’s a reason that Frank has become a porn-hound.

TV Show: House of Cards

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