House Of Cards Spoiler Parade Recap: No One Gets A Mac

Did you spend your weekend watching “House of Cards,” or did you spend your weekend being smug that you did not watch “House of Cards”? Either way, we’re going to give you the benefit of our binge-watching and give you some big moments from each episode. SPOILER ALERT THIS IS ALL SPOILERS OF COURSE.

Much of this will not make sense if you didn’t watch last season and it is not our fault you didn’t watch last season, for crying out loud.

Most unbelievable moment

The shiny shiny Mac that Frank Underwood has.

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Even House Majority Leaders do not get machines that differ from the rest of the government in terms of a security profile. Bamz can’t even have an iPhone, and in the real world we’re pretty sure Francis would be stuck with a Dell or something.

The thing we admire Frank the most for, in a perverse sort of way:

Making his secretary throw away all his birthday wishes unopened.

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There’s something super baller about a guy that knows full well he is going to get one million birthday cards and trinkets from everyone in the world and cannot even be arsed to open the things and is EVEN TOO BUSY TO THROW THEM AWAY. We want minions to throw stuff away for us.

Most ballsy move by a showrunner in recent memory

The casual murder of Zoe by Frank Underwood.

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We knew Frank was a murdering bastard last year, but damn. We didn’t actually peg him for the type that could make a snap murder decision like this. He actually displayed some sort of hesitation, though certainly not remorse, when he killed Russo last year, but this split second throwing of Zoe into the train had a gut-punch level of shock that required three rewindings to make sure we saw what we saw. Was Frank planning this all along, or did he decide because Zoe wouldn’t back down? Either way, Frank is not shy about getting rid of people who are no longer useful to him and in this episode, he kicked that up a notch.

More recaps to come, because we have to justify this binge-watching to ourselves somehow.

TV Show: House of Cards

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  • Annie Towne

    You’re going Brit on us, Leezee!

  • TiredGeezerLady

    Coming late to the party here as I just started watching (only 2 episodes to go, so somewhat gritty-eyed), but I had to snort with derision at Frank’s cluelessness about being so sure that having Zoe delete her text messages about him would erase all traces of their texting. Hah! I am 66 years old and am not that naive. I have multiple Apple devices that save to iCloud, and my text messages show up, not just on my iPhone, but on my laptop and desktop, too. Deleting them on one device does not delete them on the others.I was glad to hear that Zoe was gone from the show, as I couldn’t stand her character. Knowing she was gone was what inspired me to watch Season 2. I love all of your episode reviews. So funny!