John Boehner On Leno: ‘I Am A Huge Alcoholic’ Probably

Here is your Speaker of the House John Boehner charming Jay Leno to pieces Thursday. The biggest news is that he is very definitely naturally that shade of orange, he says, and he also acknowledges that his name is kindasorta spelled like Boner. And being House Speaker is a bit like working in his dad’s bar:

“You have to deal with every jackass who walks in the door. Trust me, I need all the skills I learned growing up to do my job.”

Boehner readily agrees that the government shutdown was a Republican problem:

“But when you have your job there’s something you have to learn,” he added later. “When I looked up, I saw my colleagues going this way. You learn that a leader without followers is simply a man taking a walk. So I said, ‘If you want to go fight this fight, I’ll go fight the fight with you.’ But it was a very predictable disaster. So the sooner we got it over with the better. We were fighting for the right thing, but I just thought tactfully it wasn’t the right thing to do.”

And how about that GOP infighting thing? Worst it’s ever been?

“Oh, no … Well, yeah, maybe it is.” (crowd laughs) “It’s bad. Listen, you know, the funny thing about the so-called infighting is that we agree on all the goals. We think Obamacare is bad for the country, we think we shouldn’t spend more than what we bring in, we think the president’s ignoring the laws. It’s all a fight over tactics.”

And the big, meaty question: Does he ever dream of putting his big negro feet up on the desk in the Oval Office himself?

“No. … Listen, I like to play golf. I like to cut my own grass. You know, I do drink red wine, I smoke cigarettes and I’m not giving that up to be president of the United States.”

It’s good to see a man who knows his priorities. He even made it all the way through the interview without crying, even though he was actually Leno’s second guest of the night, after Matt LeBlanc, Teevee’s Joey From Friends, who’s now in some other damn thing on Showtime that we don’t watch.

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  • mfp

    riveting

  • Eh, fuck that guy. And Leno too.

  • James McCarty Yeager

    it’s disgusting to realize there might be an actual living human being inside the orange skin, the vicious combover, and the bleary eyes of boehner. but then you realize that the principal interior characteristic of alcoholics is that they are in constant pain, shame and dread. so it’s all right then.

  • Ellis_Weiner

    “tactfully”? He means tactically. “We think we shouldn’t spend more than what we bring in,” yes, unless it involves waging two wars under a Republican president, and then we do it off the books.I’m tempted to call him a “fuckhead.” Too much?

    • rebecca

      never too much. hi ellis!

      • Ellis_Weiner

        Hey ‘trix! Let’s get together, yeh yeh yeh! Nag Maria Bustillos or something.

  • AnOuthouse

    He uses a lot of adjectives that aren’t very complementary toward his party, calling his colleagues jackasses and all.

  • AnOuthouse

    That was Joey?

  • shoecityrefugee

    Did he say there were “465 members” of Congress? Naw, he couldn’t have, could he?

    • phil

      He did. I caught that myself. He’s an idiot

      • Sam

        Stay classy.

  • bumfug

    “When I looked up, I saw my colleagues going this way. You learn that a leader without followers is simply a man taking a walk. So I said, ‘If you want to go fight this fight, I’ll go fight the fight with you.’”Well, John, it’s also true that a leader who can’t get anyone to do what he thinks is right and says the hell with it and joins the crowd doing the wrong thing is simply an ineffectual follower. Carry your useless ass on home to Ohio, loser.

  • glasspusher

    “we don’t like to spend more than we take in, uh, unless there’s a republican in the white house”/FIFY