Heavy Metal Christian Band Was Actually Full Of Lying Atheists

Heavy Metal Christian Band Was Actually Full Of Lying Atheists

A Christian “news” site reported this week that an actual publication (Alternative Press) reported last month that the lead singer of a shitty metalcore band not only tried to have his wife killed last year, but also lied about being Christian. Oh, Tim Lambesis of As I Lay Dying, how could you? (We mean about the atheism, which is the real tragedy here, obviously.)

As he continued to fall deeper into sin, Lambesis asked a personal trainer at his local gym if he knew any hitmen that could kill his wife. The lead singer was soon arrested and taken into custody following an undercover sting operation where he allegedly supplied police with directions and cash to carry out the murder. He was sentenced to six years in prison in March of this year.

But Lambesis just recently came forward with the truth about his atheism and the front that the band put on to sell records.

Well, thank God he finally came forward with the real crime: disbelief in Magic Sky Daddy. I mean sure, he definitely tried to have his wife murdered, but who hasn’t, right? Thankfully, the majority of this Christian post (which cites but does not link to the vastly more interesting Alternative Press article) is about how he really didn’t believe in God, like, at all, after a while. But Satan had many other “Christian” groups in his cold, thorny clutches, too!

“We toured with more ‘Christian bands’ who actually aren’t Christians than bands that are,” Lambesis stated. “In 12 years of touring with As I Lay Dying, I would say maybe one in 10 Christian bands we toured with were actually Christian bands.”

YOU BETTER NOT SAY SHIT ABOUT JARS OF CLAY, LAMBESIS! They are true believers! Even though one of them tweeted support for same-sex marriage, making him a Demon Abortionist From Hell.

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  • Clint McGuire

    Next you’ll be telling me that Madison Rising isn’t really a bunch of lunkheaded no-talent teaderpers. IS NOTHING SACRED??!?

  • I knew the lead singer of a Christian band that actually was a Christian. Too bad, too, cause the dude was HAWT!!!

  • AmericanFirst73

    Imagine their shock when they find out that Jesus was actually Jewish.

  • prelapsarian

    disbelief in Magic Sky DaddyHey now, don’t blame this on Tengri.#NotAllSkyGods

  • Never heard this particular band, but if the AP article is even remotely accurate that was fully entrapment (and that trainer is a douchecanoe…)

  • temporarily’tom’

    That’s the weird thing about Christian bands. There are 2 ways to ‘be’ in one. If you are a musician, and the condition for your making music is that the music you make is somehow ‘Christian’, then your music is going to suck QED. But on the other hand, if you suck as a musician so bad that regular people don’t want to listen to your music, your can become a ‘Christian’ musician and automatically get a pre-made audience with a fucked up criteria for what kinds of music one should listen to and why. the end

  • Yeah altpress article is vastly more interesting, much more than I imagined when I went to read to help mock then realized the interview was fascinating – thanks for sharing!