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Happy Birthday Nicolas Cage! You Are Still Weird But You Are Also Incomprehensibly Rich

Nicolas Cage turns 50 today, which seems weird because Nic Cage, like the poor, has always been with us. With his weird craggy yet puffy face and his utter inability to say no to a film role, no matter how whoreish or terrible it may be, he’s beloved and behated in equal measure. Don’t believe us? If you count the three films in post-production right now, Cage has done 41 films since 2000. However else you can slag on the guy, and oh, slag we will, you can’t fault his work ethic, even though some of those films were things like Ghost Rider 2: The Ghost Ridening.

Man, it’s been a long time since Moonstruck, huh?

Also, did you know that Nic Cage gets paid a metric fuckton of money to make movies that often look like they should go straight to video? Like he made $150 million in about 15 years, but also too managed to blow through most of it, MC Hammer style. But it does not matter, because people will still inexplicably give Nic Cage enormous amounts of monies to make movies that are bad. We admire this, in a perverse way, but not enough to see any of your films.

Except Valley Girl. Nic Cage, you gave us Valley Girl, back when your eyes still looked dreamy instead of weird.

Also, too you got to be married to Patricia Arquette, Nic Cage, so good going on that. Way to punch above your weight, big guy. Happy Birthday, confusing enigmatic super rich Nic Cage.

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  • Farb

    The Farb lives in a bleak universe, where dust blows down empty streets and carrion crows tear at the carcasses of rats. Nic Cage brings mediocrity to a world desolate of joy.