Sep 9, 2016
Which ‘Girls’ Character Are You? Play Our Bingo/Drinking Game/Real Estate Guide To Find Out!
Watch an episode of Girls (HBO Sundays at 10PM!). Place a potato chip on each square of the bingo card. Hilarity ensues!
Straight line across: Your spirit animal is MARNIE. You are the good-looking one, the smart one, the ‘together’ one, and yet you will live a life of failure and despair because of bad choices and Schadenfreude. Get a studio apartment in Cobble Hill that you can’t afford, drink a glass of Chablis, and sleep with your best friend’s boyfriend.
Straight line down: Oh my god you are such a SHOSHANNA. One day you will be a major player in the Great Neck, NY, PTA, but right now you need to, like, literally study for your Gender in Post-Soviet Russia class. Get your parents to rent you a nice apartment near NYU. Drink a rum n’ coke.
Diagonal: Your star sign is JESSA. You have the face of a Botticelli, the free spirit of an eagle, and you will die of a heroin overdose at age 27. Crash at your gay friend’s pad in Chelsea and have some sake.
Every square: Your birthday gemstone is HANNAH HORVATH. You are the undiscovered voice of a generation: the most shallow, self-absorbed generation ever. Share a two-bedroom apartment in Williamsburg, drink a six-pack of Tecate, and take off your shirt.
No squares at all: Your muppet character is RAY. You hold a steady job with some responsibility, but you just can’t catch a break because of anger management issues and basic loserishness. Inherit a big apartment in Bensonhurst, shoot some hoops, and drink a vodka-and-Red Bull.
Are you kidding me? You think I’m playing a fucking game? You are ADAM. You are a jackass with unexpected depths of emotion. But really, still a jackass. Get a live/work loft in Gowanus, and enjoy drinking black coffee out of a Styrofoam cup at your next AA meeting.
That’s all until next week, when we bring you The Big Bang Theory Drinking Game/Halo Tournament/Proctology Exam.