Kickstarter … Wait, No, Change.org Petition To Get Eric Cantor On Dancing With The Stars (Video)
Look, I don’t know why I’ve got a crush on Eric Cantor. I just do. He’s handsome, and Jewish, and Southern, and I’m so on board for all of this. He’s got a wife and kids, and I’m not trying to mess with that or anything. I just fantasize about seeing him wearing a spangly sparkly outfit, waltzing around a dance floor in high-heeled shoes with a woman 25 years his junior. Is that so wrong?
I know, I know, his politics are not for everyone. He voted no on making it illegal to discriminate against an employee on the basis of sexual orientation. He hates abortion more than anything else and thinks it should not exist at all ever, which I suppose is fine so long as you do not live in an actual world with actual women in it. In March 2008, he voted no on “giving mental health full equity with physical health.” That’s fun! He thinks the gays should not be able to be married to each other, and he voted against the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act, because of course he did. And he recently lost his seat to someone even more intense than he is.
But you know what he’s never done?
He’s never been on Dancing With The Stars. And this is a travesty that must change.
As everyone knows, the best way to effect change in this Brave New World is to sign a petition on Change.org. And because I love America, and dancing, I spent some time on Father’s Day creating a petition to ABC to get Eric Cantor on Dancing With The Stars. It was better than bothering Eric Cantor or my father about things like my burgeoning sexuality (again). I even made a video to explain my desire to get Eric Cantor on the boogie-down feel good dance show, which just completed its 18th season!
Now go sign the petition! And tell all your friends! Because we really don’t need Eric Cantor set loose in the lobbying world when we could see him moving his booty on national television, right? I’m so right.
And hell, I bet he’d do at least as well as this guy.