Ron Paul Will Act at You in Atlas Shrugged: Part III

Ron Paul Will Act at You in Atlas Shrugged: Part III

Clocking in at around 645,000 words, Atlas Shrugged is Ayn Rand’s magnum derpus. So it makes sense that the film version has been stretched out into three full-length movies, because how else are you going to cram all that Objectivist TRUTH into the hollow skulls of the American sheeple?

The first movie actually starred Taylor Schilling, right before she got famous as Piper Chapman on “Orange is the New Black,” but now that she has taken what she needs from them, Schilling has turned her back on the project, a move which would surely please the mouldering corpse of Ayn Rand herself. So where will the producers find some star power for the third film? The answer, as always, is RON PAUL 2012.

Former congressman and three-time presidential candidate Ron Paul will make his acting debut in the third installment of the Atlas Shrugged film trilogy, The Hollywood Reporter has learned. The film also will feature several other prominent conservative personalities with little or no acting experience, including Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity.

Paul and his fellow goldbugs will play TV talking heads who tell the audience how brilliant John Galt is, right after John Galt delivers a speech demonstrating how brilliant he is, because that is how Ayn Rand’s novels work. Sure, the first and second films in the trilogy were universally panned by critics, but that is how this fallen world treats true visionaries, like Ayn Rand and the man-boys who enjoy reading her.

Also, Paul, Beck, and Hannity, in flagrant defiance of the free market’s response to the first two movies, were among the few people who actually wanted to be in the third movie.

Producer Harmon Kaslow quipped to THR, “We put out a casting call and those are the only guys who showed up. It could be the subject matter.”

But don’t these three titans of libertarianism have better things to do? Shouldn’t they be thought-leadering America into a bright, cold, Objectivist future in which mankind is freed from the shackles of “love” and “charity?” And aren’t there literally thousands of actors who could do the job just as well, or better? Actors like Taylor Schilling, who toil endlessly in casting calls and auditions and just need a break?

Ha ha, “need a break,” don’t you remember what movie this is? Get a job, unemployed actors! Just not on this project.

Don’t follow Dan on Twitter. Following is for the weak and the cowardly.

[Yahoo! News via Hollywood Reporter/ LA Times]

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  • Ambignostic

    Ron Paul, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity may not have “acting experience” in the usual sense, but they are all three career performers.

    • temporarily’tom’

      I’ll tell you what would suck. What would suck is if they actually turned out to be good actors…That would suck

      • melizer

        They aren’t acting though. They’re talking heads.

  • TJ Barke

    One of the few books I’d be okay with burning.

  • temporarily’tom’

    This can’t be true… BECK & HANNITY….can’t be true…too good to be true. I would fucking PAY to see that movie. I don’t want to have to do that. But I will because BECK & HANNITY…’.ACTING’ Sweet Christ-humping lord Vader that’s good stuff!

    • Mahousu

      Paying for a movie like this is for the weak. Just wait until it closes, and it’ll be free for streaming on YouTube. So, a week or two, tops.

  • Señor Skwerl

    Way to crash and burn the franchise. Without a serious actor, how will this film keep me from turning to Stalinism?

  • Katie Doyle

    Worst book ever. Read it at 19 and decidedthat if the world was really like that, I should jog across an interstate.

  • Akira Bear

    Do they honestly think dinosaurs Hannity and Paul (yawn) are going to have the star power to make this fiasco a success?

  • Left Coast Tom

    I live in northern California. I could watch this…thing…or I could go find some new wineries to visit.

  • ButchWagstaff

    Guess Ron Paul isn’t getting enough retirement benefits from the government. And nothing says box office gold like right-wing Mormon crazies like Beck, amirite? *cough* Orson Scott Card.

  • jTangoWhiskey

    After hearing this news, I too shrugged.

  • I was way more excited about this when I read it as “RuPaul to star in terrible Ayn Rand movie.”

    • marxistlennonist

      And to make it better Pee Wee Herman as John Guilt.

  • hvdv

    I read The Fountain head when I was sixteen, because I saw Morrissey holding it in a picture. I was d-u-m-b. And I did not enjoy it. But while that may be forgiven, there is no excuse or explanation for what I did next: read Atlas Shrugged. Hey, at least I know what I’m talking about, 25 years later. Go, Ron Paul, be as silly as I was at 16, and then some.