When I originally viewed this movie, I was prepared to totally mock its lunatic ideals. I pictured something along the lines of Reefer Madness, only with rock music taking the place of marijuana. Unfortunately, except for some bad overacting and really overdone melodrama, this movie mostly plays it straight. It does attempt to realistically capture the dilemma of a Christian teen who likes rock music, yet chooses to believe in a very strict interpretation of the Bible, and has to reconcile his morals between the two.

As someone who was raised Catholic, but not particularly religious anymore, obviously I don't think it goes against scripture for Christians to listen to rock, gangsta rap, or any other type of music. Still, I can sympathize with the difficulties of those who feel differently. Most of us, Christian or otherwise, indulge in behavior that's clearly "sinful" if we take the rules of our faith at face value, without giving it a moment's thought.

Rock: It's Your Decision attempts to depict the struggles of one teenager who makes the effort to really examine this disparity and find a resolution. Unfortunately, the end results are as maudlin and predictable as your average Lifetime Network TV movie. But fortunately, towards the end there's one incredibly idiotic speech full of overbearing propaganda that really makes watching this movie worthwhile.

The credits play over random assorted rock concert footage. The generic rock song in the background involves singers screaming, "We're gonna have a... GOOD TIIII-IIII-IIIME!" For a second I thought it was a rock version of the theme to Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.

The generic rock continues as we cut to a suburban home somewhere in the Midwest. A mother is yelling at her teenage son Jeff to "turn that junk down!" Jeff, all pumped up on cock rock, yells back at his mom to "Get off my back!" He runs out of the house, hops in his car, and pops in a cassette of more generic rock. Mom comes out just in time to witness Jeff hauling ass down the street, and totally cutting off another driver and almost getting into an accident. See? This is what rock music does to you.

Mom goes back inside and gets a call from her husband who's away on business. We know he's away on business because he makes several vague comments about presenting a "proposal". Mom tells Dad about the shouting match with Jeff, including the somewhat amusing fact that he "left for church in quite a huff!"

I guess Jeff and his parents have had previous confrontations over his love of rock music, because Mom says she's at the end of her rope. She decides to talk to Jeff's "youth pastor, Jim Owen! Maybe he'll be able to remind Jeff what the Bible says about obedience!" Well, that's always a surefire way to get your rebellious kids in line.

Mom then calls up Brother Owen, and he turns out to be the young, hip pastor who's really got his fingers on the pulse of Young Christian America. (I swear this guy is being played by a young Dave Letterman.) Mom describes the problems she's having with Jeff and his rock music, so Brother Owen says she ought to come meet with him the following afternoon.

We then cut to Jeff's church, where mass is currently being said. Brother Owen is there, and way in the back rows, we find Jeff, along with two of his young friends, Melissa and Marty. Melissa is a shallow girl with feathered blonde hair, while Marty is a big meaty guy who's not all that happy to be alive.

While everyone else is singing a psalm, Marty is quietly griping about "evangelists" always telling him he's going to hell for listening to "trashy music" and not getting a haircut. Melissa agrees, saying, "If it weren't for the party afterwards, I wouldn't even be here!" Ah, yes, the church social. Everyone who's anyone goes to the church social.

They continue to complain, and suddenly we zoom in on Jeff and hear his thoughts as he whines to himself in his head. "What's wrong with meeeeee?" he moans. "I can't tell them! They'd only laugh!" He apologizes to God for yelling at Mom, but desperately asks, "Why do I feel like this?" If I didn't know the title of this movie, I would have assumed Jeff is secretly gay.

Then we cut to the "party afterwards", and there's feathered hair and pullover sweaters everywhere you look. Jeff sees Brother Owen, but gets pulled away by Marty before the hip pastor can put his finger on Jeff's pulse and speak right down to earth in his language. For some reason, we watch Brother Owen stare off in the distance for half a minute before someone tells him they need more ice.

Jeff goes home and Mom wants to know how the "youth meeting" went. "It was pretty good!" Jeff says. "Two kids got saved!" What, that's all? Jeff, perhaps the most unconvincing teen ever caught on film, quickly apologizes to Mom for yelling at her earlier and hugs her. They make up and then retire to their rooms for the night.

In his bedroom, Jeff has got what I bet was a really hot stereo back in the 80's. You know the kind with the big silver knobs? One of those. He pops in another cassette of generic rock music, then puts on giant airport luggage handler-style headphones and lies back in bed. He cranks the volume up to eight (Wow!), then lies back and totally spaces out to the evil, soul-destroying rock music.

The next day, Mom meets with Brother Owen, and explains how she "just can't control" Jeff anymore. Brother Owen asks some questions, finally getting her to reveal that Jeff's attitude changed at the precise moment his parents gave him a stereo.

Brother Owen wants to know if Jeff listened to rock music before he got the stereo, but Mom doesn't think so. Brother Owen has to then break it to her gently: "Jeff has probably been a fan of rock for a long time! Kids hear it everywhere! At school! In the car! In restaurants! On TV!"

He says that the more Mom and Dad tell Jeff to turn off his music, the more Jeff wants to rebel. You see, kids "identify so closely with their music", that attacking it is like personally attacking the kid. He asks Mom if she knows any specific songs Jeff likes, but Mom says all she knows is "it's loud, and it drives me up the wall!" Brother Owen tells her that's she's going to have to become more "informed" about rock music.

He then turns the tables on her, asking if she watches soap operas. In particular, evil, soul-destroying soap operas. Mom gets defensive, but Brother Owen points out that Jeff could "scripturally come up with the same arguments" against soap operas as she could against rock music. Ah, touché, Brother Owen. He tells her she needs to start setting a better example for Jeff.

Mom asks Brother Owen to talk to Jeff about his music. She's afraid to broach the subject with him "for fear of another explosion!" Brother Owen tells her that "rock music is one of the most difficult things a Christian young person must deal with!" He agrees to talk to Jeff, but says he's not going to "lecture" him. "That would just turn him off." No, he's just going to present all the facts and let Jeff make up his own mind. Which is sure to turn him on.

Later that evening, we find Jeff and Brother Owen all alone together at the church. Brother Owen brings up Mom's visit, and Jeff starts trying to make excuses for his outrageous, yelling-at-Mom behavior. Brother Owen says he won't "stick the Bible in your nose" [?], but only wants Jeff to know that he's there to talk. See, he's the hip pastor who talks to kids in a language they can understand. Have we gotten this yet?

This is evidenced when Jeff immediately opens up and admits to feeling "confused". He says the Lord has been "convicting" [?] him about acting up at home, but he can't stop himself from yelling when Mom gets on his case. He whines that he wants to "obey God and Mom... but it's so hard!" In response, Brother Owen quotes the most long-winded, indecipherable Bible passage I've ever heard in my life. I have absolutely no clue what point he's trying to make with it.

Anyway, Brother Owen tells Jeff that "salvation" is more than just going to church. It involves his entire life, and everything he does. He quotes the Bible: "Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." Brother Owen asks if that can be said about the rock music Jeff listens to. Jeff stutters, "How can you... how can you..." Brother Owen says, "How can you set standards?" Uh yeah. You took the words right out of my mouth.

Brother Owen says that all Christians must live their life according to scripture, even when it's not specific. He says the Bible "never specifically says 'Thou shalt not smoke', but it does talk about taking care of your body, because your body's a temple of the Holy Spirit!" And even though the Bible doesn't say anything specific about cock rock, listening to it should be to the glory of God, too.

Jeff asks if this means he can only listen to "'Amazing Grace' and 'How Great Thou Art'?" Yes, Jeff. Just those two songs. Over and over, on a repeating loop. Brother Owen doesn't go that far, but he says the lyrics of the songs he listens to shouldn't be against scripture. He then lets loose with a full list of sinful activities: "Illicit sex, drugs, mocking God, the occult!" Vote for your favorite! He asks, "Aren't these things often found in rock music?" [!!] Yeah, remember all those great rock songs about, uh... mocking God?

Brother Owen proposes an "experiment". For two weeks, Jeff can't listen to rock music. Instead, he'll do "research to see if rock has a place in your Christian lifestyle!" Jeff freaks, thinking this mean he won't be able to listen to any music for two weeks, but Brother Owen clarifies he only meant rock music. Owen says, "God gave music to edify! I don't want you to be totally without music in your life!" So he hands Jeff a stack of cassettes and LPs from his "own personal collection" [!!].

Anyway, after two weeks, Jeff will have to decide whether rock music fits into his Christian beliefs. Jeff calls this a "pretty fair deal", so to get him started on his "research", Brother Owen hands him a stack of books that discuss "rock music from a Christian perspective". See, whatever Jeff decides, he'll have to be back up with "God's word". If Jeff gives ten reasons why rock music is awesome, then Owen also wants "ten straightforward scriptures to back up that reasoning!" He keeps repeating the phrase "It's your decision", since it's in the title and everything.

Jeff agrees to the deal and tries to leave, but Owen sharply says, "Uh! Let's pray before you go!" So they both bow their heads. In his car on the way home, Jeff turns on his radio, still tuned to a rock station. He quickly switches it to a light jazz station. It's K-SUK, all elevator music, all the time. "Two weeks!" Jeff exclaims to himself. "If I live that long!"