 | Capt. Joe Patroni tells us why they call it the "cock" pit (from The Concorde... Airport '79). Did you know that when there's a female pilot on deck, FAA regulations require it to be called the "coochpit"? |
 | Larry Gigli explains why he's the Sultan of Slick (from Gigli). And why Ben Affleck has never been cast in a tough guy role before or since this movie. |
 | Brian the Retard performs "Baby Got Back" (from Gigli). Even white boys got to shout, "This movie sucks!" |
 | Claude "Pappy" Allen - "Stand Up" (from The Howling: New Moon Rising). A "true country and western legend" asks you to stand up! and proudly declare you once had cheap sex in a van. |
 | Gary Ham - "Prescription Beer" (from The Howling: New Moon Rising). A character with no other lines in the movie brings the story to a screeching halt so he can tells us why drugs aren't fun anymore. |
 | Hoyt Axton - "Mitchell" (from Mitchell). Hoyt wonders if Mitchell thinks he's some kind of a star, like the guys on the movie screen. |
 | The Other Three - "Monster A-Go Go" (from Monster A-Go Go). The story of three amateur musicians who really, really dislike a certain monster. He knows who he is. He probably thinks this song is about him. |
 | Dupont - "Burn" (from Mr. T's Be Somebody ...Or Be Somebody's Fool). The only thing preventing this New Wave abortion from being the worst song ever recorded? The Mr. T voiceovers. |
 | Mae West - "Hard to Handle" (from Myra Breckinridge). She's way past her prime, but Mae West proves she's still got it. "It" being the ability to completely destroy any song, even one written by Otis Redding. |
 | Iren Koster - "Stargrove" (from Never Too Young to Die). The perfect song to listen to as you watch male gymnasts flyin' like they've never flown! |
 | Gene Simmons - "It Takes a Man Like Me (To Be a Woman Like Me)" (from Never Too Young to Die). Not so much a song as a three-minute nightmare that happens to include musical instruments. |
 | Renato Serio - "Pumaman's Theme" (from The Pumaman). John Williams, eat your heart out! |
 | Officer Lopez warns of an impending herd of killer rabbits (from Night of the Lepus). If only I had a buck for every time I heard a warning like this from my friendly neighborhood deputy. |
 | John Carradine w/ Ray Gregory & the Melmen - "Night Train to Mundo Fine" (from Red Zone Cuba). You know, I can't understand why John Carradine's singing career never took off. |
 | Brother Owen quotes an extremely confusing Bible verse (from Rock: It's Your Decision). If you know what point Brother Owen is trying to make here, please let me know. |
 | Young Jeff speaks of the evil inherent in Rod Stewart song titles (from Rock: It's Your Decision). Why, yes, Jeff. We do think you're sexy. Thank you for asking. |
 | Hulk Hogan - "Angel Baby" (from Santa with Muscles). Totally different from "Angel Baby" by Rosie and the Originals, unless you count the chord structure, the melody, and the chorus. |
 | Little Angelica channels Mr. Bill while being raped (from Snuff). And Kenny from Gamera saw the whole thing! |
 | Kara inquires as to the meaning of the word "brain" (from Star Trek - "Spock's Brain"). This is how I felt after hearing that Brother Owen quote above. |
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