Everybody At The Emmys Is Literally A Shining Star

If you would like a thoughtfully considered overview of Emmy sartorial splendor, there are approximately one zillion sites you can go to to get your Emmy fashion recap.   If you just want to hang out and arbitrarily talk about who looked really not the bestest, we’re here for you.

A really unwarranted amount of people were very shiny. Not metaphorical Romeo and Juliet stars in the firmament kind of thing, but actually covered in a sheen of some sort:

shiny

I am not a star, but I do not find it terribly difficult not to be shiny. Some powder, a handkerchief, both, either, and you can pretty much avoid shiny.

The Deschanel sisters showed up to present something, and they were in some sort of race to the bottom as to whose eyes could look weirder.

zooey

Advantage, younger Deschanel. HUGE advantage.

Jimmy Kimmel, the lesser of the late-night Jimmys, was nonetheless the luckiest guy alive last night:

sofia

I spent a long-ish (well, like 90 seconds or so, really, trying to figure out who Robin Williams has turned into after he showed up wearing glasses that appear to belong to someone else entirely:

robin williams

Yes, children, Robin Williams is now a living breathing version of the sweet/cantankerous old man from Up:

Everybody At The Emmys Is Literally A Shining Star

I like Will Arnett. I have sad feels that he and Amy Poehler didn’t work out, because I just assumed their household was one long absurdist yet topical comedy routine all day long. I am troubled, however, by the fact that Will Arnett seems to be turning into John Boehner:

arnett

Similarly, I love Connie Britton and like to pretend she’s my cool Southern best friend because of Friday Night Lights although I have no idea if she is actually Southern, but here she is wearing what looks like a damask davenport:

britton

Did anyone understand what Jon Hamm was doing with the giant lumberjack facial growth?

jon hamm

Jon Hamm, you are a deeply pretty man. There is no reason on God’s green earth to cover 60% of your face with a beard. Let lesser mortals go that route.

Would you care to donate to my Kickstarter campaign to provide each attendee at the Emmys with a nice dry cloth so that they don’t look so fucking shiny because I am really pretty hung up on this shit:

danes

Claire Danes, you look amazing in Homeland. Afuckingmazing. Here, you look shiny and you appear to be wearing mosquito netting and you let someone give you a bob and you are almost entirely one color and that color is blah. Claire Danes, you are breaking my heart.

Did you guys ever notice what weird stumpy T. Rex arms Elton John has? I have no idea if the new I Heart Liberace song was even any good because i couldn’t stop staring at THOSE ARMS.

elton

How much plastic surgery has Michael Douglas had?

douglas

All of them, Katie.

Last, Kevin Spacey looked neither especially good or bad last night, but he did smack a camera/cameraperson for having the temerity to come near him at an awards show, which makes him both a bawse and a dick and also the most gif-worthy thing of the night:

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  • HabsFan29

    How can you not mention Melissa Leo’s pants? I’m still blinded from the shiny.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    It’s just a good thing Claire Danes wore whore red lipstick so that we can see where her talking hole is. Otherwise, she’d disappear entirely.