Charlie Brown is a gateway to steamy, naughty, beautiful sex

charlie brown great pumpkin

Okay, let’s say you’re ABC… and you’ve got It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown coming on at 8/7… and Scandal coming up at 9/8. What’s the perfect transition between the two?

Got it! You’re Not Elected, Charlie Brown!

It’s the perfect transition from Peanuts and politics. You’ll keep those seven-year-old glued to ABC all night, you programming genius, you.

Unfortunately, some people had a problem with Snoopy flowing so seamlessly into Shandaland. In fact, since there was no commercial break between the shows, it was only seven seconds between when the final scene of Charlie Brown faded out and the opening scene of Scandal came into view.

And only a few seconds after that, it was all nekkid sexytimes! Oh noez!!

As you might guess, the perpetually aggrieved Parents Television Council is thinking about the children, firing off angry letters to ABC.  A.V. Club has the transcript:

Wah wah wah-wah. Wah wah waaaah. Wah wah-wah wah wah waaah. Wah wah wah wah-waaah. Wah wah. Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah-wahhhhh. Wah-wah wah wah wah wah wah-wah. Wah wah wah-wah.

(Slow clap, A.V. Club.)

Can you imagine sitting down with your little ones to watch a wholesome Charlie Brown special about Linus coming to the soul-crushing realization that his god doesn’t exist, followed by another wholesome special about Charlie Brown discovering that elections are a joke and you’ll only ever get shit on for trying to make a difference in the world, only to be immediately exposed to attractive people doing sex stuff to each other? That’d be horri—

Um, actually, that might be a good thing. You and your kids probably need a little T&A pick-me-up after that. Carry on, ABC.

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  • Sara Hope

    Wah wah wah-wah. Wah-wah waaah wah wah wah. That’s me complaining about ABC showing children’s programming that close to my smutty melodrama. Way to kill the mood ABC!

  • Claire

    Here’s the strategy: show the death of childhood dreams. Encourage young, impressionable children to grow up very quickly. Show them what awaits if they do that! … And this is why I canceled my cable and get all my television from Hulu.