“At one point during the riffing, one of the guys remarks that the movie looks like it was edited in a Vitamix, and that’s pretty accurate.”
“I wish they’d spent as much time working on the storyline as the visuals, but it is what it is.”
In their first interview since we learned Josh was touching little girls, did the Duggars a) blame the media, b) use the Bible to minimize Josh’s actions, c) avoid any and all hard questions, or d) all the of the above?
This week on The Bachelorette, the age old question “What’s a clitoris?” finally gets an honest, accurate answer. There’s also sumo wrestling, bleeped penises, blurred penises, temper tantrums, wedgies, and that whole Brokeback Bachelorette fake-out.
We can’t say the Republicans didn’t warn us… Marriage equality finally destroys not one, but two straight marriages! And Hollywood thinks we should find this funny?! Yeah, okay, we’re game. With two powerhouses in the title roles, Grace and Frankie may succeed if the writers can rise to the level of their leads.
Satan himself is coming to FOX… yeah, yeah, you’re making a Rupert Murdoch joke in your head, we know. But no, this Devil is getting his own hour-long dramedy, and you better believe the Christian Right is raising hell.
As people congratulated Caitlyn Jenner on her transition, several voices rose above the throng to prove that yes, being an asshole is still possible in the world. Especially on Facebook and Twitter.
“A post-apocalyptic version of (let’s face it) the Wacky Racers doesn’t feel like something that people have any kind of racial hang-ups about, so why would people mind if a woman took over?”
The zombies are coming! Zombies warriors! Zombie babies! Zombie moms! Soooo many zombies! Oh, and Tyrion finally gets to meet Dany on the other side of the world. But mostly zombies.
A Briefcase Full of Humilation (And Cash)
Mark your calendars, Netflix subscribers and people who have their friends’ Netflix login information and passwords memorized! June 12 is fast approaching. And with it comes our long-awaited reunion with plucky, pretty, erstwhile drug runner Piper Chapman and her diverse gaggle of felonious female pals.
In week three, Ethan’s wife and kid find themselves sucked into Wayward Pines, but Ethan doesn’t bother to tell them anything that might keep them from getting killed. Shockingly, that plan backfires on him. Before it’s all over, someone is dead and a perfectly good escape attempt is ruined.
“Legends And Lies”… Could there be a more perfect name for a FOX News show? I’d never heard of it before now. Sadly, it’s not about Ronald Reagan banging Gorbachev’s wife so hard that the Iron Curtain fell down, but about the Old West.
The Bachelorette fakes gay romance because, like, two dudes in love? How ridiculous would that be, right? It’s not like that’s a real thing or something.
“It’s great to see at least some aspects of the Superman mythos onscreen not weighted down by angst or failed attempts at achieving Christopher Nolan and/or Frank Miller levels of grimness.”
On Week 2 of The Bachelorette, the competition turns violent. Several of the guys come to blows over Kaitlyn until one sends another to the hospital. Then, the men try their hand at standup comedy. We’ll let you decide which is worse.
Sex And the City 2 pretty much killed the franchise dead, and Carrie Bradshaw was condemned to the Fourth Circle of Hell, i.e., high school, for all eternity. Okay, it was just two seasons, but it felt like an eternity. Oh, who am I kidding–I LOVED IT.
“It’s like someone saw Ted and decided what it was really missing was a ton of fart and shit jokes.”
Episode Six is waaaaaaay too late for a network show to finally get good, but Allegiance does just that, pretty much immediately after NBC cancelled it. Fortunately, the whole thing is now available on Hulu. Should you watch it? Yes… and here’s why.
“Bay simply ramps up the pace and explosion count from prior entries and layers on the Dinobots like so much icing on a shit cake.”