Category: Movies

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VIDEO: Bridge to Terabithia (2007)

Sofie watches the children’s fantasy movie Bridge to Terabithia, starring future Hunger Games star Josh Hutcherson as a kid who’s an outsider at his school, and AnnaSophia Robb as the new girl in town. They form a magical friendship, and together they build a bridge to the fantasy land of Terabithia.

VIDEO: Rad (1986)

In what must surely be the greatest film ever about BMX racing, Cru Jones is a young biker who dreams of winning a race at the infamous Helltrack. Along the way, he earns the scorn of his mom Talia Shire, does freestyle bike stunt dancing with Lori Loughlin, and gets to do all the ass-sliding a boy could ever want. 

VIDEO: Hulk (2003)

Watch as Joey explains why he likes everything about it: Eric Bana’s performance, the references to the comics, the exploration of Bruce Banner’s psyche, and yes, even the giant poodle.

VIDEO: The Matrix (1999)

Keanu Reeves is a hacker who learns he’s living inside a virtual reality simulation, and joins in a rebellion against his machine overlords in The Matrix, which gives the Suspect a total nerd-gasm. Watch as he shows his admiration for this kick-ass sci-fi action classic in his usual way: by ridiculing the shit out of it!

VIDEO: Reign of Fire (2002)

As it turns out, dragons are real, and they’ve been hibernating for centuries. Twenty years after they’re awakened, civilization has been all but wiped out, and it’s up to survivors Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey, and Gerard Butler to take the planet back from the dragons!

VIDEO: Jack and Jill (2011)

Jack (Adam Sandler) gets a visit from his identical twin Jill (also Adam Sandler) and “wacky” hijinks ensue, including Jill dating both a stereotypical Mexican gardener and Al Pacino, who’s playing… himself? It’s a comedy so devoid of humor, you can feel your life draining away as you watch it.

VIDEO: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

In her second requested review, Sofie takes on Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, starring Michael Cera as a dorky adult-olescent whose life resembles old Nintendo games. You probably think her review will be much different than the dreaded Mr. Mendo review of the same movie, but will it? You gotta watch and find out!

VIDEO: Italian Stallion (1970)

It’s the infamous softcore porno starring Sylvester Stallone that was re-released when he hit it big with Rocky. A New York City couple have sex, engage in light S&M, then invite some of their friends over for an orgy. The end. Features a special guest appearance by our own Cheap-Arse Film Critic!

VIDEO: Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003)

Juni Cortez enters a virtual reality game where he must stop the evil Toy Maker, played by a confused and over the top Sylvester Stallone… who also plays his own henchmen? Not only that, but there are brief appearances from the likes of Selena Gomez, George Clooney, Salma Hayek, and Elijah Wood. Can the Renegado survive the ridiculous plot and endless parade of awful cameos?

VIDEO: Transformers (2007)

As we all know, 2007’s Transformers is a classic of modern cinema, and the magnum opus of master auteur Michael Bay, starring one of the greatest actors of our generation, Shia LaBeouf! It’s also the debut review of the Cinema Slob–No, not the Cinema Snob. Confused? Then watch the video, where the Snob himself, Brad Jones makes a special appearance to explain it all for you!

VIDEO: Brother Bear (2003)

Watch as Joey has a hard time distinguishing this movie from Pixar’s latest movie (and big disappointment) Brave. Both have main characters that transform into bears and need to go on journeys of self-enlightenment, or some bull crap like that. Oh, but this one has two Canadian bull moose, with one played by Rick Moranis, which is a clever bit of casting, eehhh?

VIDEO: Juno (2007)

Ursa reviews the movie, while Mendo unleashes a torrent of mindless self-indulgence, complete with cameos from Johnny Oldschool, the Unusual Suspect, Liam AKA Cheapus, Joey Tedesco as Dr. Rockso, a musical interlude from Full of Questions, and a special appearance by Robert Million as the Log Lady. Yes, all of this happens during the review. Honest to blog.

VIDEO: Gigli (2003)

Gigli is an absolute train wreck of a movie about a gangster and a pseudo-lesbian hired to kidnap a federal prosecutor’s retarded son. And sure enough, the guy pretending to be mentally handicapped is far more believable than Ben Affleck pretending to be a gangster.

VIDEO: Stuck (2007)

It’s the last episode of Phil Buni’s second season! In honor of the occasion, Phil gets hit by a car, Trever drowns his problems in booze, and many other things happen that currently defy description. Oh yeah, and somewhere in here, Phil reviews the movie Stuck with Mena Suvari.

VIDEO: The Descent (2005)

Pass ’round the birthday cake, because this installment of the Cheap-Arse Film Review finds Cheapus watching The Descent, a film that may be as much about one woman’s decline into grief-induced madness as it is about Cannibalistic Albino Cavemen. And that’s a good thing.

VIDEO: Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991)

In the distant future of 1996, a biker named Harley Davidson (Mickey Rourke) and a cowboy named the Marlboro Man (Don Johnson) team up to rob a bank’s armored car, but instead end up with a huge stash of a designer drug called “Crystal Dream”. Now they’re on the run from a corrupt, criminal, murderous bank CEO, also known as “a bank CEO”.

VIDEO: Fando and Lis (1968)

Renegado dives into the madness of the world of Alejandro Jodorowski with two reviews of his first film, Fando and Lis. The movie follows the two title characters on a journey through an apocalyptic wasteland as they descend into madness.

VIDEO: Zorro, The Gay Blade (1981)

It’s the first of Sofie’s requested reviews, and to her great delight, it’s a movie she really likes: Zorro, The Gay Blade, a fun homage to the classic swashbuckler genre, starring George Hamilton as both Don Diego Vega AKA Zorro, and also his gay twin brother Ramon Vega AKA Bunny Wigglesworth.