Category: Movies

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VIDEO: Coraline vs. Coraline

The Horror Guru compares Neil Gaiman’s horror fantasy novella Coraline to the big screen adaptation directed by Henry Selick. Both tell the tale of a young girl who finds a secret door and crosses over into an alternate, unsettling reality, but which does the Guru prefer? The answer may surprise you!

VIDEO: Orphan (2009)

UPDATED Dec. 9, 2012 with commentary from Full of Questions!
Vera Farmiga and Peter Sarsgaard adopt a little Russian girl (Hunger Games‘s Clove) who seems sweet and innocent, but soon she’s killing small animals, dropping F bombs, and seducing her adoptive father. Luckily, it’s all explained away by an utterly bonkers twist ending.

VIDEO: Lady in the Water (2006)

The Slob begins a special series of reviews called The M. Night Before Christmas, where he looks at the films of the internet’s favorite punching bag, M. Night Shyamalan! First up, Lady in the Water, starring Paul Giamatti as a crazy super who finds Bryce Dallas Howard in a pool, and discovers she’s a mythical mermaid-thing who’s come to protect the savior of humanity, cleverly played by Shyamalan himself!

VIDEO: Black Knight (2001)

December is Time Travel Month for Phil Buni, because screw Christmas! (Also, he did his Christmas specials back in July.) First up is Black Knight, a comedy where Martin Lawrence, one of the least funny actors of our time, works at a Medieval Times-style theme park, but then ends up traveling back in time to the actual medieval times! Did you notice how many times we said “time” in this description? It’s a theme month! 

VIDEO: The Black Hole (1979)

We made it, folks! Sofie’s final Requested Review! Unfortunately, we end things on something of a dud. She reviews the mostly forgotten The Black Hole, Disney’s first attempt at trying to cash in on the success of Star Wars.

VIDEO: Superman vs. Spider-Man XXX (2012)

Porn Critic reviews Axel Braun’s latest, Superman vs. Spider-Man XXX. Yes, it’s a parody of a classic 1976 comic… supposedly. And it’s probably the only time you’ll ever see these two superheroes on screen
together, ever. Seriously, this will never ever happen in a 
mainstream movie. So it doesn’t even matter that the movie is rubbish; it’s
just pure fanboy essentialness… with boobs.

VIDEO: The Hobbit (1977)

In yet another Requested Review (we’re almost done, folks), Sofie gets to review the super awesome new movie The Hobbit! …Er, sorry, it’s the decent 1977 Rankin-Bass animated TV movie, The Hobbit.

VIDEO: Suburban Commando (1991)

Cecil looks at Suburban Commando, another cheesy relic of the ’90s, starring Hulk Hogan as an alien mercenary who comes to Earth for vacation and rents a room from Christopher Lloyd and Shelley Duvall, and soon they find out that space bounty hunters are after him. If you like Hulk Hogan movies with random appearances by mimes and cantaloupes, this is the movie for you!

VIDEO: Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 (2011)

NOTE: This review is in Spanish with English subtitles. This time around, the main leads have kids, and they’re more annoying than ever, which isn’t helped by a ridiculous plot that has nothing to do with them at all. At least the movie still features George Lopez’s voice… Wait, why is that a good thing, again?

VIDEO: John Carter (2012)

We dig into Joshua’s Movie Madhouse archives (back when it was known as Anarchy at the Movies) for Disney’s underwhelming adaptation of the Edgar Rice Burroughs novel that inspired countless sci-fi adventure films, John Carter, starring Taylor Kitsch and Lynn Collins.

VIDEO: Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

Cheapus attempts exposure therapy to overcome his fear of spiders by watching Eight Legged Freaks, where spiders in a small town get exposed to toxic waste, grow to enormous size, and terrorize the locals, including David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer, and a 15 year old Scarlett Johansson.