Category: Agonizer

The Agonizer is for all posts that don’t fit in any other category, including comic book reviews, book reports, editorials, rants, and more!

Action Comics #176 “Muscles for Money!” (part 1 of 2)

Action Comics #176, cover dated January 1953, features Superman being an unbelievable dick, even by Superman standards. He alienates all of his friends, completely trashes his own image, and deliberately turns public opinion against him for rather unimpressive reasons. I almost think the writer came up with this story just for a laugh, never thinking it would actually ever see the light of day.”

Fear by L. Ron Hubbard

“You see it time and again in every internet bio of L. Ron Hubbard that he was just some “obscure science-fiction author” who just happened to stumble onto the biggest money making concern since sliced bread. Putting everything else aside, that’s simply not true. Not only was he one of the founding fathers of modern sci-fi, but that wasn’t even what he was famous for.”

Video: Snakes on a Plane (The TV Edit)

“Not only did they take an idiotic R-rated B movie famous for its internet buzz-worthy title and make it safe for family viewing, but they also allowed one guy with a computer and a TV capture card to cause a minor sensation that swept across the globe, and ultimately inspired a bit on a late night talk show.”

Don Johnson's "Heartbeat" (part 2 of 2)

I know what you’re thinking: Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat”? Are you for real? (Actually, what you’re probably thinking is Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat”? What the fuck? But I took the liberty of cleaning up your thoughts for you.)Well, ever since I started this new Agonizer section where I can post short articles, I’ve been jonesing to do an in-depth review of a short piece of film. Like, say, a music video. And what music video could possibly be worse than Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat”?

Don Johnson's "Heartbeat" (part 1 of 2)

I know what you’re thinking: Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat”? Are you for real? (Actually, what you’re probably thinking is Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat”? What the fuck? But I took the liberty of cleaning up your thoughts for you.)Well, ever since I started this new Agonizer section where I can post short articles, I’ve been jonesing to do an in-depth review of a short piece of film. Like, say, a music video. And what music video could possibly be worse than Don Johnson’s “Heartbeat”?

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt (part 2 of 2)

“Steven Seagal, former bodyguard turned actor, who once claimed to have worked for the CIA, and who now claims to be a reincarnated Tibetan lama (though not a reincarnated llama, which is probably closer to the truth), has taken time out from his busy direct-to-video acting career and burgeoning singing career [!] to develop a brand new kind of energy drink. I know this much is true, because I’ve purchased and consumed exactly two (2) cans of Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt in both of its powerful flavors: ‘Asian Experience’ and ‘Cherry Charge’.”

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt (part 1 of 2)

“Steven Seagal, former bodyguard turned actor, who once claimed to have worked for the CIA, and who now claims to be a reincarnated Tibetan lama (though not a reincarnated llama, which is probably closer to the truth), has taken time out from his busy direct-to-video acting career and burgeoning singing career [!] to develop a brand new kind of energy drink. I know this much is true, because I’ve purchased and consumed exactly two (2) cans of Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt in both of its powerful flavors: ‘Asian Experience’ and ‘Cherry Charge’.”